In my one-on-one with the coordinator of my unit, last month, we discussed how I needed to take more pride in my work. I guess she was thinking that I didn't really care about my assignments because I do them at the last minute. The answer resulted from a question she asked me about my writing and whether my professors have been giving me feedback on my papers. I said that they were, but she wanted to know why I wasn't improving (I've kind of reached a plateau with my grades). For some reason, I've gotten similar responses form other people. They give me this strange look because I'm not super excited about graduate school. My coordinator just gave me this look that said "You don't care?"
When I first started school in August, I thought the world was going to end because I had made it to graduate school. I was very "Oh my God! I'm here. This is so scary!" But as I began to get comfortable with my surroundings, I realized that this whole grad school business is not that bad. In fact, I fell into my routine...to me, writing critiques for my Theory class or typing up a paper discussing a critical issue in student affairs is, well, just homework to me right now. I don't see anything special about it, I don't get what the big deal is. I just simply see it as things I have to learn to get a job. Now...we've talked about "psychic income" in my classes before and how there has got to be that "something else" that makes us feel rewarded at our jobs. I feel like everything I'm learning right now will be relevant in the future when I work with students on a regular basis. But for right now, I just have my assistantship where all I do is cultural programming. And programming, well...I've done that as an RA and during my internship this past summer. I feel like I've improved with planning and creating programs, but it's not something necessarily new to me.
Like I told her during this week's one-on-one, "Everything is just a learning process for me right now", and she wants me to get into the mindset that I have skills, and I can use them (because before I was very hard on myself thinking that I had no special talents or gifts to offer). She asked me about my last critique that I wrote for Theory class and what grade did I get on it. I got a perfect score (my 2nd one the entire semester in that class). She asked me what made the difference in this grade than the ones before. I told her "We've been studying all the different racial identity development models and that's something I know about and that's why I can contribute to class discussion. I'm Hispanic. Multiculturalism has always been a part of my life. Do you know how many moves I've made in my life. From New York, to Puerto Rico, to Texas, to Iowa, and now Illinois. Multiculturalism...I live it. That's what I am". I think she liked that answer :) And well, let's just say, I think I'm totally qualified to be in my assistantship because it is the Diversity Office...and diversity constitutes everything that I've experienced in life so far.
Well, moving along...during my one-on-one meeting with my coordinator, she spent the time asking me about my ideas for practicums and what do I have going on for Finals Week. I have several major papers to write and we talked about the one for my Theory class. The final paper for that class has to deal with us making up our own theory. That seemed to be so complicated to me at the beginning of the semester when I first learned about the project. We have to select a certain population to apply our theory on. My coordinator wanted to know what were my ideas for the paper. I told her I was interested in doing my theory using graduate students for my sample. I said "I feel like in my classes all we ever focus on is on the undergrads, and nobody really ever cares about us grads...I don't know if I'll be able to use grad students for the paper--I have to ask first and make sure the theory we write isn't just about undergrads--and then I have to find a focus because, those who went to grad school straight from undergrad, are different from those who worked for a while and then went to grad school; but I haven't come up with any genius ideas yet".
During the past months, my coordinator has been trying to help me get out of my funk. I explained to her during my one-on-one, I've had a rough semester. You know what? Scratch that. I've had a rough year!!! Seriously, to whomever is reading this...I went from RAing, to finishing my senior classes, to applying to grad schools, searching for assistantships, grad school visits, conferences, multiple interviews, graduation, moving out of the residence hall, moving in with complete strangers during the summer, working full time at my internship this summer (WITHOUT PAY) until the last day I was in Iowa, to moving to Illinois the day after that, starting my assistantship the day after I moved, transitioning into grad school, missing my friends, going back to the undergrad to come back to Illinois heartbroken and depressed, to bouncing back again, and FINALLY understanding why I'm SO LUCKY to be here in graduate school....whew, that was a mouth full! When I meant is was a rough year, it really has been rough.
You see, life is a big trip...and I am in the portion of the ride where I'm making 360 degree turns and going around the loopty loops and ups and downs and spirals...this is a very exciting time in my life, yet very emotionally draining. So I kind of understand why I feel the way I do. I'm just tired (well, exhausted is more like it). I need to get away from all of this for a while. Away from school, work, new friends, old friends, missing my old life as an undergrad. I need time to recharge. Therefore, I'm looking foward to Winter Break and spending some time with my parents in Texas. Can't wait for this semester to be over! But back to my coordinator...
...my coordinator said something very interesting during my one-on-one. She explained that she was very excited to see me feeling more comfortable at this institution. She is also glad that now I have a more optimistic view about being here and about my work in class. I always go around fustrated about my assignments because when I first arrived here...I didn't have an opinion about higher education. I was barely introduced to this field about a year ago, and even so, the only aspect I really know about Student Affairs is Housing. I never thought that my experiences were valuable and so I never contributed any comments or participated in class much. I just didn't have anything to say, and my coordinator knew that I felt that way from the get-go. She tried to encourage me, but I was sticking to my guns. And although, we talk about dualism in my classes and how undergrad students want things in a black or white manner...I guess I keep falling into that concept. I want someone to tell me the right answers, but truth is there is no right or wrong answer. It's just an answer.
Going back to the subject of writing my own theory, my coordinator said that "You talk about having a genius idea, but it really is all about having a genuine idea versus a genius one; because everyone thinks that geniuses were Plato and Socrates, and really, those philosophers were just talking about their ideas and opinions. And I think you have very genuine ideas, you're on the right track". Way to go, boss, for encouraging me! haha. Way to go me! Round of applause. And so that was my "a-ha moment" of the week...I have a genuine idea? An honest and true opinion? I know how to think?! Critically?! Well, what do you know? I guess I did learn something this semester afterall...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 5
Boy, do we love themes in student affairs. Last week I attended the regional NASPA conference, my first professional conference as a graduate student. The conference was in Tulsa, Oklahoma and the theme was “Weaving Our Way…Creating a Heritage in the Heartland.” I even went to an actual session on Cherokee basket weaving.
The trip got off to a bad start. I had stayed up late the night before watching the elections coverage and doing homework, and slept right through my alarm. Someone had to come to my room to wake me up. How embarrassing! I had four minutes to pack and no time to shower. Luckily, driving through the Midwest lulls you right to sleep. When I arrived at the hotel, my room was not ready and I looked through my bags to discover I had packed two black heels for my right foot and no black heels for my left foot. I also forgot to pack make-up which was becoming increasingly necessary as I could literally feel my face getting uglier from exhaustion and stress. By dinner time, I had a stress rash on my arm which was only stressing me out more. Needless to say, I was in a great mood to start networking.
Networking. It’s a word that’s used in student affairs about as much as icebreaker. And it makes me a little frustrated. While, I’m certainly a people person and I’m not shy, there’s a difference between getting to know people and attempting to shake hands with as many people as possible. Networking sometimes brings out the worst in us—insincerity, pretention, and of course, shameless self-promotion. Isn’t it more important to find good mentors and build close relationships to a few people than to have 50 people think you look “sort-of-familiar” at next year’s conference? I’ll reserve thrusting my right hand into an innocent person’s midsection for self-defense instead of self-promotion.
I realize I’m being more than a little whiny when my experience was actually quite good. Despite getting off to a bad start, forgetting a bunch of things, and having an interesting (and quite possibly crazy) server at a luncheon, I had a great time. I met some outstanding professionals, 30-minute mentors who told great stories including a story about a man who, as a young hall director, had been held up at gun-point by residents, and who asked challenging questions like “What risks have you taken lately?” Many of the sessions were enlightening and all of the speakers were excellent and inspiring.
But perhaps the best part of the conference, other than the heavenly Marriot beds, was the chance it gave to learn more about people from my own institution. After four years at a smaller school where I knew everyone, it’s still difficult to get used to a large school where I know no one. The whole dynamic of the department is much different and it takes a lot longer to get to know people here. I was lucky to have good conversations with other grads who I don’t know very well and professionals who I know even less. To me, those conversations were the most valuable.
The trip got off to a bad start. I had stayed up late the night before watching the elections coverage and doing homework, and slept right through my alarm. Someone had to come to my room to wake me up. How embarrassing! I had four minutes to pack and no time to shower. Luckily, driving through the Midwest lulls you right to sleep. When I arrived at the hotel, my room was not ready and I looked through my bags to discover I had packed two black heels for my right foot and no black heels for my left foot. I also forgot to pack make-up which was becoming increasingly necessary as I could literally feel my face getting uglier from exhaustion and stress. By dinner time, I had a stress rash on my arm which was only stressing me out more. Needless to say, I was in a great mood to start networking.
Networking. It’s a word that’s used in student affairs about as much as icebreaker. And it makes me a little frustrated. While, I’m certainly a people person and I’m not shy, there’s a difference between getting to know people and attempting to shake hands with as many people as possible. Networking sometimes brings out the worst in us—insincerity, pretention, and of course, shameless self-promotion. Isn’t it more important to find good mentors and build close relationships to a few people than to have 50 people think you look “sort-of-familiar” at next year’s conference? I’ll reserve thrusting my right hand into an innocent person’s midsection for self-defense instead of self-promotion.
I realize I’m being more than a little whiny when my experience was actually quite good. Despite getting off to a bad start, forgetting a bunch of things, and having an interesting (and quite possibly crazy) server at a luncheon, I had a great time. I met some outstanding professionals, 30-minute mentors who told great stories including a story about a man who, as a young hall director, had been held up at gun-point by residents, and who asked challenging questions like “What risks have you taken lately?” Many of the sessions were enlightening and all of the speakers were excellent and inspiring.
But perhaps the best part of the conference, other than the heavenly Marriot beds, was the chance it gave to learn more about people from my own institution. After four years at a smaller school where I knew everyone, it’s still difficult to get used to a large school where I know no one. The whole dynamic of the department is much different and it takes a lot longer to get to know people here. I was lucky to have good conversations with other grads who I don’t know very well and professionals who I know even less. To me, those conversations were the most valuable.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 4
Have you seen those previews for the new TV show with Christian Slater? Christian Slater as good guy. Christian Slater as bad guy. It’s all very dramatic. These days I kinda feel like I’m two people, too. There’s me as a professional and me as a student and the two seem to be mutually exclusive.
Most days I really don’t feel like I’m a student. Sure, I sit in class for two-and-a-half hours Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights, but sitting in a classroom doesn’t make you any more studious than sitting in a church makes you religious. I feel like the majority of my time is spent on my assistantship with a little time left over for my personal life. Let me give you some examples…
Recently, I took a weekend off to visit my boyfriend on the east coast. My Thursday night class had been cancelled so I booked my flight for Thursday evening and put in extra office hours during the week. On Wednesday night, I went to class like normal but all I could think about was the stuff I needed to do before I left town. So, at break I decided to skip out on the rest of my class so I could do important things like paint my nails and coordinate outfits.
Professional/Personal Me: 1 Scholarly Me: 0
Professional/Personal Me: 2 Scholarly Me: 0
Then there are midterms. They’re the first big assignments we’ve had in my program so it’s probably important to put in a little extra effort. Which is why, of course, I got a start on my last paper the night before it was due. And which is also why I still haven’t started the even longer paper that is due this Thursday.
Professional/Personal Me: 3 Scholarly Me: 0
Takin' Care of Business #5
Where do I stand? The question haunting me for the past week...
In all of my classes for Student Affairs we constantly talk about dualism. We speak about how students are usually looking for something definite, concrete, stable. People don't like change. This dualism concept seems to be a continual process. I find myself in that process right now. We spend so much time focusing and learning about the undergraduate student, we forget to think about the grad student. What about us? What happened to our needs?
Dualism serves practical people like me a great deal of comfort. Obviously, this all dependss on the context you look it over. Ha Ha. Context. One of our favorite words in Theory Class. Black and White. Right or Wrong. 5 pages versus 10 pages. For the one going through transition, gray is not an option, loopholes must cease to exist, and definitely typing up 5 pages is better than 10 any day.
I feel like I constantly struggle with this whole young professional by day, student by night thing. Just the other day, I faced this at my assistantship. My office was going to have a tent set up at my institution's Homecoming for tailgating. Though me and the other grad that works in my office were told to be at the tailgate at a certain hour, we were also told that we could go to the parade. Well, it so happens that our boss forgot about it, and we got in trouble for being late. We both received the lecture on the fact that we weren't just students anymore, but also staff members. Yadda, yadda, yadda...what else is new?
Time and time again, we've also gotten the lecture about how we shouldn't party with the undergraduate students. It sometimes gets complicated because I will befriend someone and not know that they're an undergrad. Or like the student workers at the office, who are such cool people (and 21 and over). It really does make me unhappy when I get invited to a party and have to say no because they're undergrads. I haven't really befriended alot of grad students, just the ones from my cohort.
Even with my financial problems at the moment, it's the same deal. Now that I'm a graduate student and I apply for financial aid, I have to fill out the paperwork and be classified as "Independent". And also...I can't get grants anymore! I can only get loans? How unfair is the world? Geez Louise, why can't I get grants? I'm still a student either way!
Even in my personal life, I can't get a right or wrong answer (the black and white). I like this guy who is a friend of mine. He keeps sending me mixed signals. One minute I'm his best friend, the other I'm his play thing. I don't like standing in the middle of this. What's a girl to do?
This is another phase of the learning process, right? I'm keeping my spirits up. I have to deal with being away from my friends and my family, and I think I've come far along with accepting that portion of my life right now. I just wish this transition period would just be over and done for. Dualism, you make my life miserable...where do I stand? Right in the middle...stuck like a slug on a tree.
In all of my classes for Student Affairs we constantly talk about dualism. We speak about how students are usually looking for something definite, concrete, stable. People don't like change. This dualism concept seems to be a continual process. I find myself in that process right now. We spend so much time focusing and learning about the undergraduate student, we forget to think about the grad student. What about us? What happened to our needs?
Dualism serves practical people like me a great deal of comfort. Obviously, this all dependss on the context you look it over. Ha Ha. Context. One of our favorite words in Theory Class. Black and White. Right or Wrong. 5 pages versus 10 pages. For the one going through transition, gray is not an option, loopholes must cease to exist, and definitely typing up 5 pages is better than 10 any day.
I feel like I constantly struggle with this whole young professional by day, student by night thing. Just the other day, I faced this at my assistantship. My office was going to have a tent set up at my institution's Homecoming for tailgating. Though me and the other grad that works in my office were told to be at the tailgate at a certain hour, we were also told that we could go to the parade. Well, it so happens that our boss forgot about it, and we got in trouble for being late. We both received the lecture on the fact that we weren't just students anymore, but also staff members. Yadda, yadda, yadda...what else is new?
Time and time again, we've also gotten the lecture about how we shouldn't party with the undergraduate students. It sometimes gets complicated because I will befriend someone and not know that they're an undergrad. Or like the student workers at the office, who are such cool people (and 21 and over). It really does make me unhappy when I get invited to a party and have to say no because they're undergrads. I haven't really befriended alot of grad students, just the ones from my cohort.
Even with my financial problems at the moment, it's the same deal. Now that I'm a graduate student and I apply for financial aid, I have to fill out the paperwork and be classified as "Independent". And also...I can't get grants anymore! I can only get loans? How unfair is the world? Geez Louise, why can't I get grants? I'm still a student either way!
Even in my personal life, I can't get a right or wrong answer (the black and white). I like this guy who is a friend of mine. He keeps sending me mixed signals. One minute I'm his best friend, the other I'm his play thing. I don't like standing in the middle of this. What's a girl to do?
This is another phase of the learning process, right? I'm keeping my spirits up. I have to deal with being away from my friends and my family, and I think I've come far along with accepting that portion of my life right now. I just wish this transition period would just be over and done for. Dualism, you make my life miserable...where do I stand? Right in the middle...stuck like a slug on a tree.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Takin' Care of Business #4
Yes, my life has been busy and the majority of it has been going well; However...this has been my roughest week since I began grad school.
This week I wanted to throw in the towel.
Last week, I was very excited about going back to my undergrad institution for it's big Homecoming game. The only thing wrong with it was that my grad school was the opponent team for this big game. How does one choose who to root for? Obvious answer: the undergrad. Had I dared to wear my grad school's colors, I would have gotten a beat down in the parking lot on my way to the football game.
The entire week I had spoken of nothing else but of "going home" to Iowa. I call this place my home because that's where I have been my happiest at. It's the one place where I truly belong to the community. It's the one place where I felt wanted. My "permamnent address" (my parents) is hundreds of miles away in Texas, but Iowa is a part of me as much as I'm a part of it. So even though I go to school now about 4 1/2 hours away, my heart lies in Iowa. And my entire drive to Iowa was an exciting one, as I anticipated the joy I'd get once I would see all of my friends.
Every hour on the hour, I was talking to someone. I would walk down the street and people would wave at me or shout out my name. Every ten minutes I'd shriek with delight; squeals of happiness would emerge from deep within me as I saw alumni from years ago come back to town. "Oh my God, where have you been?" and "I haven't seen you in forever" and "I've really missed you" and "See, now things feel normal again"...over and over. It was such a great feeling to walk around my old campus and be such a rockstar. Those comments from people just made me realize that I really did matter at school and that I did make an impact on people's lives. Whether it was big or small, I gave my contribution to the students and the university. "That's because you know half of the campus, girl!" one of my old room mates said as I explained about how many people I had talked to that weekend. No kidding! I DID KNOW half the campus. It is so great to be loved. I have never felt that appreciated before. I mean, even the custodians that worked in my residence hall last year, when I was an RA, were excited to have me back. If anything, this Homecoming was for me not for the football team.
The Homecoming game was great. I spent the majority of the football game trying to read for Monday night's class. 400 page book and 17,000 fans cheering. Not a whole lot of concentration was going on. I was getting strange looks from people as my best friend's dad told me to put my book away, to which I replied with "I'm a grad student! I have responsabilities". My undergrad beat my grad, so I was celebrating with everyone else. But after 2 days of feeling elated on being back, it all came to a stop when I had to return back to my grad school...a 4 1/2 hour drive that I was not looking foward to.
I cried for a while in my car. I also sang at the top of my lungs to stay awake on the road (I was extremely tired). I arrived to my apartment sad, sleepy, and so heartbroken. The next day was horrible. My facebook wall was filled with comments from people who were happy to have seen me during the weekend. I reflected back on the trip thinking "Is it really worth it to be here, when I feel this miserable and alone and unhappy?" I really wish I could have both worlds, the undergrad and grad school. But you can't have everything in this world. I thought about how it would feel if I went home to my parents, defeated. They would be so dissapointed in me. I have a BA, but I said I was going to get this MA, and for me to not finish, because I was scared? because I was gonna chicken out? because I simply just "miss my friends" (add the touch of sarcasm from my mom)? The first one to go to college, and I'm gonna blow this opportunity away? Really, what am I thinking about? Honestly, do I want to become part of that statistic of Hispanics that drop out from college? NO!!!! I worked too hard to get here, I suffered enough, and I need to pull myself together. How am I gonna be takin' care of business, if I can't even take care of myself? Just when things were starting to get better, I fell through a crack and I'm back where I started. Again.
This week, I have been in the worst of moods. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was angry at the world. I was depressed. I was tired. It is almost like my body has decided to go on strike against me. I haven't eaten much. I haven't slept much. I'm super stressed to get everything done for classes. I have financial issues for I can't pay my school bill, and thus I can't register for classes now. My mom has been sick and was taken to the hospital yesterday (but she is feeling better today). Everything seems to be falling on me, and I don't know how or why I get out of bed in the mornings. But I hope everything next week goes a bit smoother.
This week I wanted to throw in the towel.
Last week, I was very excited about going back to my undergrad institution for it's big Homecoming game. The only thing wrong with it was that my grad school was the opponent team for this big game. How does one choose who to root for? Obvious answer: the undergrad. Had I dared to wear my grad school's colors, I would have gotten a beat down in the parking lot on my way to the football game.
The entire week I had spoken of nothing else but of "going home" to Iowa. I call this place my home because that's where I have been my happiest at. It's the one place where I truly belong to the community. It's the one place where I felt wanted. My "permamnent address" (my parents) is hundreds of miles away in Texas, but Iowa is a part of me as much as I'm a part of it. So even though I go to school now about 4 1/2 hours away, my heart lies in Iowa. And my entire drive to Iowa was an exciting one, as I anticipated the joy I'd get once I would see all of my friends.
Every hour on the hour, I was talking to someone. I would walk down the street and people would wave at me or shout out my name. Every ten minutes I'd shriek with delight; squeals of happiness would emerge from deep within me as I saw alumni from years ago come back to town. "Oh my God, where have you been?" and "I haven't seen you in forever" and "I've really missed you" and "See, now things feel normal again"...over and over. It was such a great feeling to walk around my old campus and be such a rockstar. Those comments from people just made me realize that I really did matter at school and that I did make an impact on people's lives. Whether it was big or small, I gave my contribution to the students and the university. "That's because you know half of the campus, girl!" one of my old room mates said as I explained about how many people I had talked to that weekend. No kidding! I DID KNOW half the campus. It is so great to be loved. I have never felt that appreciated before. I mean, even the custodians that worked in my residence hall last year, when I was an RA, were excited to have me back. If anything, this Homecoming was for me not for the football team.
The Homecoming game was great. I spent the majority of the football game trying to read for Monday night's class. 400 page book and 17,000 fans cheering. Not a whole lot of concentration was going on. I was getting strange looks from people as my best friend's dad told me to put my book away, to which I replied with "I'm a grad student! I have responsabilities". My undergrad beat my grad, so I was celebrating with everyone else. But after 2 days of feeling elated on being back, it all came to a stop when I had to return back to my grad school...a 4 1/2 hour drive that I was not looking foward to.
I cried for a while in my car. I also sang at the top of my lungs to stay awake on the road (I was extremely tired). I arrived to my apartment sad, sleepy, and so heartbroken. The next day was horrible. My facebook wall was filled with comments from people who were happy to have seen me during the weekend. I reflected back on the trip thinking "Is it really worth it to be here, when I feel this miserable and alone and unhappy?" I really wish I could have both worlds, the undergrad and grad school. But you can't have everything in this world. I thought about how it would feel if I went home to my parents, defeated. They would be so dissapointed in me. I have a BA, but I said I was going to get this MA, and for me to not finish, because I was scared? because I was gonna chicken out? because I simply just "miss my friends" (add the touch of sarcasm from my mom)? The first one to go to college, and I'm gonna blow this opportunity away? Really, what am I thinking about? Honestly, do I want to become part of that statistic of Hispanics that drop out from college? NO!!!! I worked too hard to get here, I suffered enough, and I need to pull myself together. How am I gonna be takin' care of business, if I can't even take care of myself? Just when things were starting to get better, I fell through a crack and I'm back where I started. Again.
This week, I have been in the worst of moods. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was angry at the world. I was depressed. I was tired. It is almost like my body has decided to go on strike against me. I haven't eaten much. I haven't slept much. I'm super stressed to get everything done for classes. I have financial issues for I can't pay my school bill, and thus I can't register for classes now. My mom has been sick and was taken to the hospital yesterday (but she is feeling better today). Everything seems to be falling on me, and I don't know how or why I get out of bed in the mornings. But I hope everything next week goes a bit smoother.
Takin' Care of Business #3
Life is a big trip...and boy, was I in for the ride!
These past 3 weeks have been incredibly crazy. It's so weird to think it's mid-October now, when just a few weeks ago I was complaining about how this semester would never end. Alot has happened in the past 3 weeks.
My assistantship is driving me a bit nuts. Since this is my first "grown up" job, it's been very difficult for me to understand what is my place. I'm a student, but a young professional. In my "Theory of Higher Education" class we talk alot about dualism...how students want everything in black and white. Nobody ever cares for gray because it is one color of major confusion. I feel that right now I would prefer black or white. At my job, they expect me to do certain things, but are constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure that it gets done their way. Since I'm at a new institution, I'm constantly learning about how things operate. There are many times when I hear of favoritism for one student group over another. This makes me upset because all groups should have an equal chance for services offered by my office. I also get a bit upset at how nobody knows where my office is at. The Diversity Office is located in one corner of campus, separate from the major offices. Many don't know that our office is "that one house in the corner". It just goes to show how many people actually come visit us. But I like our little house. It's cozy and it gives the students (the 10 or so who actually come down to the office) a very home-like atmosphere. It's a place for them to come hang out, to talk, to relax, to study. It's so good when they come to visit. They all know me by name and always greet me with a hug. I dare even to say that friendships with these students are blooming. Since I'm also a student I feel entitled to hang out with them, but as a staff member it seems to be innapropriate. I really just don't know where I stand sometimes.
Classes have been a major pain! Papers, papers, papers! Every. single. week. How on Earth is someone supposed to relax when there is always another assignment to be turned in? This past week the students have been going through midterms...well, so have the grads. The Theory class gave us a take home test with 2 weeks to work on it (one of those weeks being our Homecoming). Well, since I've been busy with other stuff I left that take home to complete until the day before (like I usually do) and spent most of the night writing it. Though I have made my Time Management Plan since earlier this semester, I have not used the master plan I created. Honestly, I have no excuse to not study, but it seems like every other week something "unexpected" comes up and I have to go deal with it. It could be a special project for another class or maybe an assignment from work. Extra hours to do extra things. But the deal is: it just never ends. The madness continues...
As far as my social life, I LOVE the people in my program! So many different personalities and characters. One thing is for sure, these grads like to have fun. Every Wednesday, a couple of us go out somewhere to check out the nightlife in our town. We sit for a an hour or so and vent about the week over a slice of pizza. The cliques that had been forming at the beginning of the semester are now fading away to this big cohesive group :) It makes me so happy when I hear that everyone else is having the same doubts and fustrations as me. I don't feel alone anymore. I actually have friends now who I can talk to about my personal feelings on subjects or when I just need a pep talk to get me through the day.
It's all coming together and here I am, busy, again like when I was an undergrad. School, work, and building a social life...who would have thought?
These past 3 weeks have been incredibly crazy. It's so weird to think it's mid-October now, when just a few weeks ago I was complaining about how this semester would never end. Alot has happened in the past 3 weeks.
My assistantship is driving me a bit nuts. Since this is my first "grown up" job, it's been very difficult for me to understand what is my place. I'm a student, but a young professional. In my "Theory of Higher Education" class we talk alot about dualism...how students want everything in black and white. Nobody ever cares for gray because it is one color of major confusion. I feel that right now I would prefer black or white. At my job, they expect me to do certain things, but are constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure that it gets done their way. Since I'm at a new institution, I'm constantly learning about how things operate. There are many times when I hear of favoritism for one student group over another. This makes me upset because all groups should have an equal chance for services offered by my office. I also get a bit upset at how nobody knows where my office is at. The Diversity Office is located in one corner of campus, separate from the major offices. Many don't know that our office is "that one house in the corner". It just goes to show how many people actually come visit us. But I like our little house. It's cozy and it gives the students (the 10 or so who actually come down to the office) a very home-like atmosphere. It's a place for them to come hang out, to talk, to relax, to study. It's so good when they come to visit. They all know me by name and always greet me with a hug. I dare even to say that friendships with these students are blooming. Since I'm also a student I feel entitled to hang out with them, but as a staff member it seems to be innapropriate. I really just don't know where I stand sometimes.
Classes have been a major pain! Papers, papers, papers! Every. single. week. How on Earth is someone supposed to relax when there is always another assignment to be turned in? This past week the students have been going through midterms...well, so have the grads. The Theory class gave us a take home test with 2 weeks to work on it (one of those weeks being our Homecoming). Well, since I've been busy with other stuff I left that take home to complete until the day before (like I usually do) and spent most of the night writing it. Though I have made my Time Management Plan since earlier this semester, I have not used the master plan I created. Honestly, I have no excuse to not study, but it seems like every other week something "unexpected" comes up and I have to go deal with it. It could be a special project for another class or maybe an assignment from work. Extra hours to do extra things. But the deal is: it just never ends. The madness continues...
As far as my social life, I LOVE the people in my program! So many different personalities and characters. One thing is for sure, these grads like to have fun. Every Wednesday, a couple of us go out somewhere to check out the nightlife in our town. We sit for a an hour or so and vent about the week over a slice of pizza. The cliques that had been forming at the beginning of the semester are now fading away to this big cohesive group :) It makes me so happy when I hear that everyone else is having the same doubts and fustrations as me. I don't feel alone anymore. I actually have friends now who I can talk to about my personal feelings on subjects or when I just need a pep talk to get me through the day.
It's all coming together and here I am, busy, again like when I was an undergrad. School, work, and building a social life...who would have thought?
Sunday, October 12, 2008
It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 3
res·i·dence hall [rez-i-duhns hol]
n. A place of warmth where people, generally students, live and share in a sense of comfort and community. A home away from home.
dor·mi·to·ry [dor-mə-tor-ē]
n. A place where people sleep. Not unlike prison and similar to the cold, cruel boarding houses and orphanages of the Victorian era.
It’s time for an introduction. A call-me-Ishmael moment. I’m 22. I graduated from a small state school in May and in July I started grad school at a large public university in the
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