Takin' Care of Business #5

Where do I stand? The question haunting me for the past week...

In all of my classes for Student Affairs we constantly talk about dualism. We speak about how students are usually looking for something definite, concrete, stable. People don't like change. This dualism concept seems to be a continual process. I find myself in that process right now. We spend so much time focusing and learning about the undergraduate student, we forget to think about the grad student. What about us? What happened to our needs?

Dualism serves practical people like me a great deal of comfort. Obviously, this all dependss on the context you look it over. Ha Ha. Context. One of our favorite words in Theory Class. Black and White. Right or Wrong. 5 pages versus 10 pages. For the one going through transition, gray is not an option, loopholes must cease to exist, and definitely typing up 5 pages is better than 10 any day.

I feel like I constantly struggle with this whole young professional by day, student by night thing. Just the other day, I faced this at my assistantship. My office was going to have a tent set up at my institution's Homecoming for tailgating. Though me and the other grad that works in my office were told to be at the tailgate at a certain hour, we were also told that we could go to the parade. Well, it so happens that our boss forgot about it, and we got in trouble for being late. We both received the lecture on the fact that we weren't just students anymore, but also staff members. Yadda, yadda, yadda...what else is new?

Time and time again, we've also gotten the lecture about how we shouldn't party with the undergraduate students. It sometimes gets complicated because I will befriend someone and not know that they're an undergrad. Or like the student workers at the office, who are such cool people (and 21 and over). It really does make me unhappy when I get invited to a party and have to say no because they're undergrads. I haven't really befriended alot of grad students, just the ones from my cohort.

Even with my financial problems at the moment, it's the same deal. Now that I'm a graduate student and I apply for financial aid, I have to fill out the paperwork and be classified as "Independent". And also...I can't get grants anymore! I can only get loans? How unfair is the world? Geez Louise, why can't I get grants? I'm still a student either way!

Even in my personal life, I can't get a right or wrong answer (the black and white). I like this guy who is a friend of mine. He keeps sending me mixed signals. One minute I'm his best friend, the other I'm his play thing. I don't like standing in the middle of this. What's a girl to do?

This is another phase of the learning process, right? I'm keeping my spirits up. I have to deal with being away from my friends and my family, and I think I've come far along with accepting that portion of my life right now. I just wish this transition period would just be over and done for. Dualism, you make my life miserable...where do I stand? Right in the middle...stuck like a slug on a tree.