It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 4

Have you seen those previews for the new TV show with Christian Slater? Christian Slater as good guy. Christian Slater as bad guy. It’s all very dramatic. These days I kinda feel like I’m two people, too. There’s me as a professional and me as a student and the two seem to be mutually exclusive.

Most days I really don’t feel like I’m a student. Sure, I sit in class for two-and-a-half hours Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights, but sitting in a classroom doesn’t make you any more studious than sitting in a church makes you religious. I feel like the majority of my time is spent on my assistantship with a little time left over for my personal life. Let me give you some examples…

Recently, I took a weekend off to visit my boyfriend on the east coast. My Thursday night class had been cancelled so I booked my flight for Thursday evening and put in extra office hours during the week. On Wednesday night, I went to class like normal but all I could think about was the stuff I needed to do before I left town. So, at break I decided to skip out on the rest of my class so I could do important things like paint my nails and coordinate outfits.

Professional/Personal Me: 1 Scholarly Me: 0

Last week, I went out of town again--this time, to visit my alma mater for Homecoming. I planned to attend my Thursday night class but a combination of a hectic week full of meetings that lasted well into the night and four consecutive days of gloomy, rainy weather took their toll and I skipped that class completely. I’m not sure that you’re supposed to skip school as a graduate student but sometimes you just need a break, right?

Professional/Personal Me: 2 Scholarly Me: 0

Then there are midterms. They’re the first big assignments we’ve had in my program so it’s probably important to put in a little extra effort. Which is why, of course, I got a start on my last paper the night before it was due. And which is also why I still haven’t started the even longer paper that is due this Thursday.

Professional/Personal Me: 3 Scholarly Me: 0

So anyway, at least I’m aware that I have a problem. Because I don’t think that one Christian Slater knows about the other one. I know that I’m not exactly the model student here (although I have managed to fit in some proof reading on the two papers I’ve written so far). I wish they could make some kind of energy drink that makes you academically energized. Or perhaps a vaccination for procrastination. Until then, I suppose I have to dig deep and find some intrinsic motivation.

Sigh. I’ll start tomorrow.

Takin' Care of Business #5

Where do I stand? The question haunting me for the past week...

In all of my classes for Student Affairs we constantly talk about dualism. We speak about how students are usually looking for something definite, concrete, stable. People don't like change. This dualism concept seems to be a continual process. I find myself in that process right now. We spend so much time focusing and learning about the undergraduate student, we forget to think about the grad student. What about us? What happened to our needs?

Dualism serves practical people like me a great deal of comfort. Obviously, this all dependss on the context you look it over. Ha Ha. Context. One of our favorite words in Theory Class. Black and White. Right or Wrong. 5 pages versus 10 pages. For the one going through transition, gray is not an option, loopholes must cease to exist, and definitely typing up 5 pages is better than 10 any day.

I feel like I constantly struggle with this whole young professional by day, student by night thing. Just the other day, I faced this at my assistantship. My office was going to have a tent set up at my institution's Homecoming for tailgating. Though me and the other grad that works in my office were told to be at the tailgate at a certain hour, we were also told that we could go to the parade. Well, it so happens that our boss forgot about it, and we got in trouble for being late. We both received the lecture on the fact that we weren't just students anymore, but also staff members. Yadda, yadda, yadda...what else is new?

Time and time again, we've also gotten the lecture about how we shouldn't party with the undergraduate students. It sometimes gets complicated because I will befriend someone and not know that they're an undergrad. Or like the student workers at the office, who are such cool people (and 21 and over). It really does make me unhappy when I get invited to a party and have to say no because they're undergrads. I haven't really befriended alot of grad students, just the ones from my cohort.

Even with my financial problems at the moment, it's the same deal. Now that I'm a graduate student and I apply for financial aid, I have to fill out the paperwork and be classified as "Independent". And also...I can't get grants anymore! I can only get loans? How unfair is the world? Geez Louise, why can't I get grants? I'm still a student either way!

Even in my personal life, I can't get a right or wrong answer (the black and white). I like this guy who is a friend of mine. He keeps sending me mixed signals. One minute I'm his best friend, the other I'm his play thing. I don't like standing in the middle of this. What's a girl to do?

This is another phase of the learning process, right? I'm keeping my spirits up. I have to deal with being away from my friends and my family, and I think I've come far along with accepting that portion of my life right now. I just wish this transition period would just be over and done for. Dualism, you make my life miserable...where do I stand? Right in the middle...stuck like a slug on a tree.

Takin' Care of Business #4

Yes, my life has been busy and the majority of it has been going well; However...this has been my roughest week since I began grad school.

This week I wanted to throw in the towel.

Last week, I was very excited about going back to my undergrad institution for it's big Homecoming game. The only thing wrong with it was that my grad school was the opponent team for this big game. How does one choose who to root for? Obvious answer: the undergrad. Had I dared to wear my grad school's colors, I would have gotten a beat down in the parking lot on my way to the football game.

The entire week I had spoken of nothing else but of "going home" to Iowa. I call this place my home because that's where I have been my happiest at. It's the one place where I truly belong to the community. It's the one place where I felt wanted. My "permamnent address" (my parents) is hundreds of miles away in Texas, but Iowa is a part of me as much as I'm a part of it. So even though I go to school now about 4 1/2 hours away, my heart lies in Iowa. And my entire drive to Iowa was an exciting one, as I anticipated the joy I'd get once I would see all of my friends.

Every hour on the hour, I was talking to someone. I would walk down the street and people would wave at me or shout out my name. Every ten minutes I'd shriek with delight; squeals of happiness would emerge from deep within me as I saw alumni from years ago come back to town. "Oh my God, where have you been?" and "I haven't seen you in forever" and "I've really missed you" and "See, now things feel normal again"...over and over. It was such a great feeling to walk around my old campus and be such a rockstar. Those comments from people just made me realize that I really did matter at school and that I did make an impact on people's lives. Whether it was big or small, I gave my contribution to the students and the university. "That's because you know half of the campus, girl!" one of my old room mates said as I explained about how many people I had talked to that weekend. No kidding! I DID KNOW half the campus. It is so great to be loved. I have never felt that appreciated before. I mean, even the custodians that worked in my residence hall last year, when I was an RA, were excited to have me back. If anything, this Homecoming was for me not for the football team.

The Homecoming game was great. I spent the majority of the football game trying to read for Monday night's class. 400 page book and 17,000 fans cheering. Not a whole lot of concentration was going on. I was getting strange looks from people as my best friend's dad told me to put my book away, to which I replied with "I'm a grad student! I have responsabilities". My undergrad beat my grad, so I was celebrating with everyone else. But after 2 days of feeling elated on being back, it all came to a stop when I had to return back to my grad school...a 4 1/2 hour drive that I was not looking foward to.

I cried for a while in my car. I also sang at the top of my lungs to stay awake on the road (I was extremely tired). I arrived to my apartment sad, sleepy, and so heartbroken. The next day was horrible. My facebook wall was filled with comments from people who were happy to have seen me during the weekend. I reflected back on the trip thinking "Is it really worth it to be here, when I feel this miserable and alone and unhappy?" I really wish I could have both worlds, the undergrad and grad school. But you can't have everything in this world. I thought about how it would feel if I went home to my parents, defeated. They would be so dissapointed in me. I have a BA, but I said I was going to get this MA, and for me to not finish, because I was scared? because I was gonna chicken out? because I simply just "miss my friends" (add the touch of sarcasm from my mom)? The first one to go to college, and I'm gonna blow this opportunity away? Really, what am I thinking about? Honestly, do I want to become part of that statistic of Hispanics that drop out from college? NO!!!! I worked too hard to get here, I suffered enough, and I need to pull myself together. How am I gonna be takin' care of business, if I can't even take care of myself? Just when things were starting to get better, I fell through a crack and I'm back where I started. Again.

This week, I have been in the worst of moods. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was angry at the world. I was depressed. I was tired. It is almost like my body has decided to go on strike against me. I haven't eaten much. I haven't slept much. I'm super stressed to get everything done for classes. I have financial issues for I can't pay my school bill, and thus I can't register for classes now. My mom has been sick and was taken to the hospital yesterday (but she is feeling better today). Everything seems to be falling on me, and I don't know how or why I get out of bed in the mornings. But I hope everything next week goes a bit smoother.

Takin' Care of Business #3

Life is a big trip...and boy, was I in for the ride!

These past 3 weeks have been incredibly crazy. It's so weird to think it's mid-October now, when just a few weeks ago I was complaining about how this semester would never end. Alot has happened in the past 3 weeks.

My assistantship is driving me a bit nuts. Since this is my first "grown up" job, it's been very difficult for me to understand what is my place. I'm a student, but a young professional. In my "Theory of Higher Education" class we talk alot about dualism...how students want everything in black and white. Nobody ever cares for gray because it is one color of major confusion. I feel that right now I would prefer black or white. At my job, they expect me to do certain things, but are constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure that it gets done their way. Since I'm at a new institution, I'm constantly learning about how things operate. There are many times when I hear of favoritism for one student group over another. This makes me upset because all groups should have an equal chance for services offered by my office. I also get a bit upset at how nobody knows where my office is at. The Diversity Office is located in one corner of campus, separate from the major offices. Many don't know that our office is "that one house in the corner". It just goes to show how many people actually come visit us. But I like our little house. It's cozy and it gives the students (the 10 or so who actually come down to the office) a very home-like atmosphere. It's a place for them to come hang out, to talk, to relax, to study. It's so good when they come to visit. They all know me by name and always greet me with a hug. I dare even to say that friendships with these students are blooming. Since I'm also a student I feel entitled to hang out with them, but as a staff member it seems to be innapropriate. I really just don't know where I stand sometimes.

Classes have been a major pain! Papers, papers, papers! Every. single. week. How on Earth is someone supposed to relax when there is always another assignment to be turned in? This past week the students have been going through midterms...well, so have the grads. The Theory class gave us a take home test with 2 weeks to work on it (one of those weeks being our Homecoming). Well, since I've been busy with other stuff I left that take home to complete until the day before (like I usually do) and spent most of the night writing it. Though I have made my Time Management Plan since earlier this semester, I have not used the master plan I created. Honestly, I have no excuse to not study, but it seems like every other week something "unexpected" comes up and I have to go deal with it. It could be a special project for another class or maybe an assignment from work. Extra hours to do extra things. But the deal is: it just never ends. The madness continues...

As far as my social life, I LOVE the people in my program! So many different personalities and characters. One thing is for sure, these grads like to have fun. Every Wednesday, a couple of us go out somewhere to check out the nightlife in our town. We sit for a an hour or so and vent about the week over a slice of pizza. The cliques that had been forming at the beginning of the semester are now fading away to this big cohesive group :) It makes me so happy when I hear that everyone else is having the same doubts and fustrations as me. I don't feel alone anymore. I actually have friends now who I can talk to about my personal feelings on subjects or when I just need a pep talk to get me through the day.

It's all coming together and here I am, busy, again like when I was an undergrad. School, work, and building a social life...who would have thought?

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 3

res·i·dence hall /ˈr[rez-i-duhns hol]

n. A place of warmth where people, generally students, live and share in a sense of comfort and community. A home away from home.

“I can’t wait to go home to my residence hall.”

dor·mi·to·ry [dor-mə-tor-ē]

n. A place where people sleep. Not unlike prison and similar to the cold, cruel boarding houses and orphanages of the Victorian era.

“All the girls in the dormitory have been whipped.”

It’s time for an introduction. A call-me-Ishmael moment. I’m 22. I graduated from a small state school in May and in July I started grad school at a large public university in the Midwest. I have an assistantship as a Hall Director for the largest residence hall on campus.

As an undergrad, I was an RA, a campus tour guide, a member of student government, and a reporter for the newspaper. In those four years I learned the difference between a residence hall and a dorm and the distinction between a provost and a president. And I loved every minute of it. Which is why I’ve decided to try and stay at college for as long as possible.

I probably should have introduced myself before launching into stories of my hectic new life. But I guess beginning in the middle is similar to my experience so far. There is really no training that can totally prepare you for a job in student affairs. I learn most lessons as I go.

So, here I am, using my experience as an RA, a student leader, a college student, and just a regular person, to deal with any number of random situations that arise. Like people throwing furniture from tenth-story windows. Or floors feuding. Students stuck in broken elevators. And helicopter parents calling to talk about their students.

As a child, I didn’t dream of becoming a student affairs professional. Who does? At different times I wanted to be an artist, a doctor, a lawyer, a journalist, an actress, and a teacher. Along the way, I’ve learned that you can’t really plan on anything. So while I would love to be a university dean or president, I’m still not counting out a career as a politician or dental hygienist. If my assistantship has taught me anything so far it’s to expect the unexpected.