Takin' Care of Business # 2

At the beginning of my arrival to my graduate institution, I was completely miserable. I really wanted to go back to the town where my undergrad was located at; and even though that town is far far away from my family, it's MY home. I'm still far from my family's town, but I miss MY home. The first 4 weeks of being at the new university was quite awful. I cried all the time. I called people back at the undergrad just to talk. I always felt so lonely. The thing is...the last day I was at MY home, I didn't see "tomorrow" happening. I went into this moment of denial, and moving day was not happening in my head. And then "tomorrow" came and I moved, but it just wasn't clicking that I was going to be at the new place permanently. As that first week went by, I started to realize I was alone. It's really strange to move out of the dorms, to an apartment with strangers, to an apartment by yourself. I'm so used to having people walk by my door, knock on my door, and even bang my door (like my residents used to do when I was an RA). My grad apartment is small, old, and empty. I have no furniture whatsoever. Everything looked really sad to me because I was sad. Classes began and I was off to a rocky start, and if you read my previous post it was starting to get better just recently (barely getting there, but hey...it's happening, right?). It struck me one day after revising the "philosophy of ME" (again, story of my previous post) that I needed to change my attitude about being here at the new place. This entire first month of grad school I felt like a part of me had died when I left MY home. It was really hard to admit that to myself, let alone to other people. I've always been a happy-go-lucky type of girl. But how did I get to become such a Debbie Downer? In order to regain my sanity back and to start living again...I needed to give this place a chance, but most of all I needed to be patient. I have the opportunity of a lifetime to get an education--paid for, and I'm complaining? What is my problem?! And with that being said, I took each day at a time; one foot in front of the other thinking that "I CAN do this" because that's how I had to be takin' care of business (sorry, I had to plug my title in somewhere).

Last week my world began to shift...

On Monday, I had to give a presentation on a project I made. The assignment was to photograph a location or territory of my campus and demonstrate how that space affects students and their development through the photos. My project was on a residence hall, and though we had a minimum requirement of 12 photos, I think I put like 30 pictures on my tri-fold. As my classmates approached my project, I would give my little speech about it. My professor happens to walk by during one of my speeches and listens in. She looked at my project and asked me 2 questions, and said "You've really captured it..." and she walked away. It was the best feeling ever! I finally did something right in class. I was quite excited, and that set the mood of the rest of the week for me. On Wednesdays, I have a Theory class, and it is really hard. When I came out of class one night, 2 other girls and I were talking about our struggles in class and we found ourselves in the same boat. As we continued to talk for the next 3 hours, we found out alot of things in common with each other. One of them expressed how she doesn't really have other girls to talk to (like the way she was talking to us). Since then, we hang out after class for a bit and talk. This is really exciting for me because I'm finally starting to make friends (a month later, but finally!).

This past weekend, my assistantship office took some students on a retreat to discuss diversity. I was looking foward to going, but little did I know that it would complete my awesome week. At my assistantship I don't get an opportunity to interact much with different students. At the retreat, I got to talk to international students, grad students, and undergrad students. I got to talk about my experiences with diversity, and I also got to answer questions that some students had about my ethnicity and where did I grow up at. I also got to contribute parts of my culture such as music and dance during our free times throughout the weekend. Everyone had a fun time. Yesterday as I was walking to class, I saw students that I recognized from the retreat, as well as students who work at my assistantship office and those who always come to visit the office. I found myself waving hello to people across campus and many of the Latino, African American, International, and Caucasian students were flagging me down to give me a hug. It's been about a month since I last hugged someone...now my new friends and students are offering hugs to me and it's something I really needed.

And so...I'm starting to be recognized on campus by my students. I feel like it's all starting to connect (the campus and me), like everything is falling into place the way it should be, and that I'm returning to my happy-go-lucky self again. All harmony has been restored in my universe and the world is as it should be :) ...Well, at least for this week...