It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 2

Ok so I’m kind of freaking out.

I got an email a few weeks ago about the federal loans I took out as an undergrad. I briefly looked at it and decided to deal with it later. Well, later snuck up on me and I thought I’d take some time this Sunday afternoon to get a few personal things sorted out, including this loan thing.

It turns out I owe the government enough money to buy a fairly decent new car. This equates to payments of $200 a month for the next 10 years.

10 years.

I will be 32 in ten years.

There is a very distinct yucky feeling in my stomach. I wasn’t even in high school ten years ago. Where will I be ten years from now?

It feels like a very big responsibility to have an additional $200 payment to make every month for the next one-hundred-and-twenty months. This must be what it feels like to buy a new car. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to buy a house.

And $200 is a lot of money. I know it might not seem like it to some people, but $200 is a fourth of what I make every month. And I liked in better when I could spend that money on things like shoes. Two-hundred dollars a month is about $6.67 a day. That money could buy one meal every day. I guess it’s a good thing I skip breakfast because from now on I won’t be able to afford it.

I always tell people that financial difficulties should not be a reason for not attending college. While it is important to invest in your education, I’m starting to realize that money matters a lot more than I thought.

When I first applied to schools, I only applied to a large, public school in my state. I had great ACT scores and a perfect GPA. I ended up deciding that large school was too expensive and attending a smaller, regional school. Unfortunately, I applied too late to receive any scholarships and had to rely on financial aid. Now, I’m upset at myself for not applying to more schools and trying to get more scholarships.

Still, my loan is only a fraction of what some students pay. The university I worked at this summer cost about $40,000 to attend each year. That’s $160,000 dollars for a bachelor’s degree. And I know someone who is going to a prestigious medical school that will end up costing about $360,000. Payments on a loan like that would be $3,000 a month for ten years. And that doesn’t even include interest payments.

I have the option to defer payments until I’m out of grad school, but I don’t think I will. While it would be nice to wait until I have a larger salary, 34 sounds a whole lot older than 32 and I don’t want to be in debt any longer than I have to.

I wish there was a deferment option on this whole growing up thing. I’d like to wait just five more years until I have to be on my own, please.