There are only 28 days in February for a reason. It’s not because it makes the whole calendar thing work. It’s because February is crazy. Seriously, people go crazy in February. I think it’s because everyone feels like they need to cram things into the smallest month of the year. Lots of things have been crammed into my February schedule: undergraduate recruitment, graduate recruitment, internship stuff, two trips, papers, presentations, duty, events… But there’s one thing that’s been on my mind more than all of the others: placement for next year.
A lot of schools make grads change buildings every year so they can have a different experience. This isn’t the case at my institution and many grads choose to stay in the same building two years in a row. This year, we were encouraged to preference several buildings and after a lot of thought I put my current building first and another building I really like second (followed by another eight buildings I wasn’t very interested in). I talked to my supervisor a lot about placement and told her that while I was very interested in my second choice, I chose to put my current building first because she has been such a great mentor and supporter for me. Honestly, I know I’m a strong grad and would be flexible enough to be placed in any building on campus.
About two weeks ago, all of our supervisors got together and made placement decisions. Since then, we have all been nagging our supervisors to tell us placement but because one person hadn’t accepted, they couldn’t tell us. The more and more time I had to think, the less and less I wanted to stay in this building. I’ve had such a great experience here but I don’t think that another year would be the best for me professionally or developmentally.
Finally, last Monday I got a text from my supervisor saying she needed to speak with me and the two other grads in my building ASAP. I had no idea what the meeting was about and figured something happened in the building over the weekend that we all needed to know about. We met in the office and my supervisor dropped the bombshell. Her husband got a job in another state and she won’t be returning next year. She cried. I cried. Then, she told the other first-year grad I work with that he would be staying in our building and that I was supposed to be moving to my second-choice-turned-first-choice building. Now that she was leaving, however, she would be asking to keep both of us in the building. My heart sank a little but I didn’t say anything.
I went back to my apartment and kept thinking about the two buildings. Again, the more I thought about next year, the more I didn’t want to stay in this building. I would stay in the same apartment (the smallest on campus), work with one of the same grads, and sit at the same desk in the same office. I’m just ready for something new. At the same time, I have a lot of loyalty for this building which often gets a bad rap on campus. And I really didn’t want to let my supervisor down. After thinking about it all night, I decided I had to talk to my supervisor about how I was feeling.
The next morning, I went into her office and she said she wanted to talk to me about placement. She told me I would be staying here next year. I took a deep breath and said everything I needed to say. That I knew that my staying might be best for the building but wasn’t sure it was the best for me. That I have a lot of loyalty to the building and would work my ass off if I stayed but that I thought the other building might be the better choice for me. I could tell she was upset and she told me that she had thought about me when she was making the decision and thought I wouldn’t be as happy with the move as I thought. That I would be bored in the new building and I might struggle with a smaller staff and less friendly supervisor. She encouraged me to talk to the supervisor for the other building and get a better idea of what working there is like. She reminded me that everyone’s placement is tentative and I still could be moved. Now, I’m more confused than ever. I guess I just need to trust that I will have a great experience either way and that whatever happens is for a reason.
I know that the building I work in probably doesn’t seem that important, but for me I only have these two years to figure out what I want to do professionally and to learn as much as I can before my first professional job. Plus, it’s been really frustrating to watch everyone else celebrate getting their first choice placement and excitedly talking and planning for the next year while I still feel like I’m in limbo. To top it off, I’m really sad that my supervisor, who I’ve gotten so close to and has been the only real mentor for me at this big school, is leaving. It’s just a lot to think about.
On the bright side, there are only five days left in February.
Having a bad February day like me? Or just any kind of bad day? Visit fmylife.com--it's hilarious and will make you feel a little better about your own situation.
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