Takin' Care of Business #13

Unmotivated...

That is the only word that comes to mind when I think about how the semester is going. New semester, new set of courses, new set of professors...but is there a new me? a new attitude?

I remember last year when I was so busy applying for assistantships and school never seemed to be done with. Unmotivated...a primary syndrome of senioritis. But hello! I'm not a senior, I'm a grad. So why this feeling? Why now when midterms are approaching? I should be stressing and pulling my hair out, not merely blah.

My classes are no longer of interest to me. Yes, I attend class, but zone out every time I have a 20+ page article to read. I have one professor for two classes. In one he is serious, and in the other a total spaz. My professor for Law class is super fun because she always has good stories to tell about her days in Law School. Plus, I have a bias towards her because she lets us out early from class and she's from Iowa (and I love everything about the state of Iowa). It just seems that I have reached a slump with classes. I don't want to read, and I absolutely dread homework. I don't know what happened to me? I was doing so well in January. And I just want to be OUT of school already. When will I be done??? Aaaahhhhhhh!

Classes aren't the only ones to encounter my unmotivation. I feel like my assistantship is going the same. I don't feel like I'm learning anything new, and everything about my job is starting to become annoying and of no interest to me. I sit in my office day after day working on programming for the unit, and even so, I can't ever attend the events because I usually have classes at night. How do I get to experience the outcomes of a program that I helped create when I have somewhere to be?

I have everything set up for my summer internship and my practicum for the Fall semester, and those are the only things I'm looking foward to right now. Having a job will really do me some good when all I have to focus on is that.

Also, I'm suffering with financial issues because I'm not making enough with my stipend and have contemplated getting a second job, pawning my jewelry, or even selling off my blood plasma. Since I don't get to have a Spring Break because I work at an administrative office, I was planning on visiting my undergrad at the end of the month. Just escape for the weekend. But with the way things are going I may not have money to pay for gas to get to and from Iowa.

The only good thing that happened this week was that one of our student desk workers got a job offer to teach in one of the best school districts in Houston, TX. I'm so excited for him because I think this would be a great opportunity to explore new grounds. When we talked about what his choices were, he was afraid about leaving our current institution and leaving his family behind. He has never lived more than an hour and a half from his parents. I just think "Geez, try 18 hours like me, and I only saw them once last year". He is also afraid of not making friends and meeting people. He has the greatest personality so it's not like it would be too hard for him to meet others. He asked me "When did you start feeling comfortable here?" and very honestly I answered "I'm still working on it". He seemed to be surprised and asnwered "I would have never noticed", and I explained how I constantly try to find the girl I used to be; but the unevitable happened and I gained more responsibility over myself and my actions. I became an adult. It's not like that's a bad thing, it's just that priorities change.

Talking to this student was like an out of body, deja vu experience...like that student was me but last year "me". And he has all the same apprehensions that I had, but to be able to give advice and attempt to answer the questions he had about Texas...well, it just made my day.