Takin' Care of Business #15

So those of you who have been following the blog know that I've been the new girl in town for the past year, and that last semester, I was struggling alot to fit in and adjust to life in Illinois. As much as I have been wearing my institution's colors this year and learning the fight song in two days right in time for Homecoming, I never really saw myself as part of this campus. Here's the deal...I don't care if you went somewhere else for graduate school, but deep down in your heart you will always remain faithful to your undergrad. It's the place you spend 4+ years of your life: eating, sleeping, partying, studying, socializing...it's home to you. Maybe a part of my transition to IL was to let my undergrad go, and maybe I didn't want to because, in some sense, I may have thought that I was being unfaithful to the undergrad. I was cheating on my school with another school...how silly does that sound? But that was the truth.

Attempting to become part of this new community was a hard and extensive process. Every time I had to work a new program and had to go attend some developmental student affairs meeting or whatnot...I have to work the room and talk to as many people as possible and try to remember people's names. I even participated in a campus tradition called "Ringing of the Bell". We have this bell on campus that sued to be rung before the football games, but the bell is now cracked and so it is on display on our Quad area. There is a "Ringing of the bell" ceremony, but it's held in our student center and mostly faculty and staff students attend it. They get to ring a small bell to symbolize the big old one outside. Well, this year, they allowed those who wanted to participate, to go outside in a "very chilly February morning in IL" weather, to ring the big old bell on the Quad. And I was first in line!

There was something very exciting about the 10 rings I gave to that bell...something very solemn. This was the bell that Presidents and students alike had rang 50+ years ago. What an honor! Both of my hands clasped around the rope, wearing a smile on my face, and with every "dong" the bell made the stars in my eyes grew brighter and brighter. My shrieks of delight filled the air as other administrators, staff, and students, just looked on and smiled or laughed at me. Who knew this girl would be so excited to be a part of the community?

This weekend, my campus threw our annual "Relay for Life" cancer fundraiser, and I had the opportunity to sit and relax with some of the stduents that I work with. There was a conversation exchanged between me and one of the Executive Board members of one of the student groups I help with, and he asked me why wasn't I in charge of a certain program my office promotes? So I told him that the other grad who works with me is in charge of it. He went on to tell me he didn't like the other grad too much because she seemed mean when she conducts this program. I explained that she wasn't mean, but that she has a different work style than I do. I also came to believe that the only reason this student was saying that he liked me better was because I look like him. I know my fellow blogger from "It's a Residence Hall, not a dorm" just wrote a piece recently about diversity and its impact on people's behavior. It is so true! I think the only reason this students seems to like talking to me is because we're both Hispanic. I think that he feels like he can identify with me (that's a good thing, in my book).

On Sunday, my office gave a training session to all of next year's new Executive Board members of the four cultural student groups we work closely with. One of the students came up to me and asked if I was going to stay after graduation next year. I told her that I honestly didn't know. So far, my plan after graduation doesn't entail staying in Illinois but at this rate who knows what may happen? Despite my internal debate of wanting to go home to take care of my parents, a part of me wants to go somewhere new, and another part of me wants to just wander around for a bit and see which offers come along. I'm a tumbleweed, I go where ever the wind takes me...it's the story of my life. Sometimes your life circumstances take you places you may or may not want to be. Anyways...this student had a special interest in my staying, as she also tells me that she is thinking of going to graduate school and study in the Student Affairs program in a few years. Such young hopes and dreams :) But for real...it seems like I became this student's role model (and we don't look like each other).

And this morning, the coordinator of my office asked me about a program that occured last week that I arranged, and asked me who attended. I told her that one of the people present was one of the Directors from another office (who is characterized by his booming deep voice). I said something about him, but was imitating his voice, and she laughed at me and said "Oh! You bit the apple". And I asked her what that meant, and she said "You've done "the voice". You have been here long enough to pick up on it". Apparently, when any body speaks of this Director, everyone imitates his booming deep voice. So...this made me realize I had become part of the Student Affairs circle at my institution... :) hahaha.

This weekend I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with my students as we engaged in some campus activities. I learned something this weekend about myself...something I wasn't expecting to find out...something very surreal to me...I became one with the campus. I have finally understood that I became someone that students can relate to, that students from underrepresented groups can look up to, that I'm the peppy and cheerful staff member that likes to motivate everyone, and that I am FINALLY a part of this community as much as it is now a part of me.

It's just odd to see how the tables have turned on me...and that the inevitable happened--I like being at this institution (...and I'm not cheating on my undergrad, I will always love that place with all my heart...but now I have a new love, and that is this place).

Takin' Care of Business #14

Wow! End of the year...seems like yesterday that I just got here.

I want to take the time to apologize to everyone since I have been very MIA lately. It's been over a month since I last wrote, and I know I have stories to hear from everyone about internships and such for the summer.

Not much has happened since I last wrote to all of you readers. So far, my NODA internship in TX is still in place and classes are still boring. However, these past few weeks have been a bit stressful with the preparation of my final semester projects. So much to do, and so little time. Bring it on, stress! I'm waiting for you!

As I reflect back on this first year, I did learn alot about myself and what I'm made of. It's been rough to be living alone and to work and go to school at the same time. It's been rough to realize that some things need to change next year and that my attitude towards school at the moment needs some readjusting.

It was a year of learning...about myself, about the field, and about my relationships with people. I have always been noted for being someone who likes to connect with others. This is why I have always had meaningful friendships with people. Now that I work with students, I have had to learn how to tone it down a bit. It's been a challenge when most of the students I work with are about my same age. I know that when I get that first job out of grad school, I will have to more assertive and take things a bit more seriously than I do now (not that I'm a silly goose or anything, but being in a supervisory role requires me to be more focused and mature.

Lately, alot of questions have been coming up from those professionals in the field at my institution for us grads. We have a GA Development session that us who work for the Dean of Students Office have to go to once a month. This month we talked the job search....not too far from the corner. That's when it hit me that I'm only "half way there (whooooa! Livin' on a Prayer! Take my hand and we'll make it I swear...") Woops, sorry for that musical interruption :)

Job Searching: not exactly something I wanted to discuss quite yet, but the questions are still burning in the back of my mind. The major one has been "Where do you want to go?" Personally, I have no geographical location where I'd like to be. I have moved around alot in my lifetime, and so moving is not a problem. I'm a tumbleweed, I go wherever the wind takes me. Seems to be such an easy thing to say for someone in Student Affairs...because let's face it, you have to be willing to relocate when you're in this field. However, though most of my classmates have significant others, I have no attachment to anyone at the moment. In the past two months I met someone very nice, and though dating this person seemed like a possible progression...I had to stop and think that at the moment, I'm not in a position to be romantically involved with someone. Why would I decide to get into a relationship, when I'll be moving in about a year. Despite cutting communication with this person I was talking to, I realized that my career is always going to come first in that aspect. I know that's not a balanced way to live emotionally, but that's the way it's got to be.

My career will always come first with the exception of my parents. At the moment, I have two aging parents in their late 70s, who are going through different medical concerns. Though my mom is still walking around and gardening, she has numerous things going on. The amount of pills she has to take for her blood pressure, cholesterol, and other heart related conditions kind of spook me out. On top of that she has a pinched nerve on her lower back (which is why she shouldn't be gardening, but she is stubborn and won't listen to em or anyone). She has hearing issues, and other problems of that nature. However, my oldest sister is her caregiver, and despite her not being around much (because she works a day and a night job), I know that mom has someone to look after her. The one who worries me is my dad. He doesn't have any physical issues...heck, he jogs at the local park every morning. But my mom, sister, and me have noticed that my dad is starting to lose it a bit mentally. OK, so it's not full blown out Alzheimer's, but we think it is going to start kicking in soon just by small behaviors he does.

My mom and I had the conversation about me moving back to TX so that I could help my sister out a bit, and take care of her and dad. My mom is one of those parents that likes to use the guilt trip, but she was very honest with me. Mom doesn't want me to go home just to take care of her. She said "You go where you have to go, and don't worry about us". I know that I can't be picky in job searching with the way the economy is now. I have student loans to pay back. But, I have that obligation to my family. Parents take care of the children, and then the children take care of the parents...it's the ebb and flow of life.

My parents are very proud that I have made it this far in my life. I'm the first one to go to college and graduate, and the first one to go for their Master's. It's the greatest accomplishment they have done has parents...to guide me in the right direction. I know that some young people today don't have that support, and that is one of the reasons I decided to go into this field. I want to help students reach their potential. Now, when you mix cultural backgrounds in the whole picture, it can get murky. For example, Latino students are very close to their families (i.e. ME and the story I'm telling you just now...) So, I may not have a boyfriend, but I do have a family, and they will be a huge deciding factor in my relocation after grad school. One of my mentors told me, that I had to think about my happiness, and he asked me if TX was a place I could see myself in. I said "No". TX is not my dream world. And I understand that I'm only a plane ride away, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to do the right thing. I left home to go away to college...I moved again to a place that I knew nothing about for grad school...and I will move back home to take care of mom and dad--becuase it's the right thing to do.

One thing I'm looking foward to with my summer internship in TX is that I will be able to start networking in the area. Maybe I can get a job after graduation where I'm going this summer. That can be a start.

It's alot of stuff to think about for the following year...and I still have time to change my mind about relocating. I think it's good that these questions about relocating came up so I can think about it early on. But they are some tough decisions to make. Hey, nobody said growing up was easy...sometimes you just got to be "Takin' Care of Business"...

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 15

What I am about to say might offend you. Be prepared.

Let’s talk about diversity. It’s quite the buzz word in higher education these days. We slap it into mission statements and make sure it’s prominent in interview questions and hiring decisions. Most of us feel like we have a good grip on diversity; we get it. I mean, c’mon, I’ve done that privilege walk like a thousand times.

I’m one of those people. I was raised by open, wonderful parents who taught me to respect and celebrate all cultures and all people. I’ve always been interested in learning about what makes people unique or different. I’ve had years of formal diversity training preceded by years of informal training in the many different places I’ve lived. But lately, I’m wondering if maybe there are a lot of things I don’t get. Two specific instances have caught my attention and made me question my own -isms.

In my last year as an RA, I was on an all-female floor for the first time. I thought long and hard about my first door decs because I wanted them to really stand out. I decided on paper dolls with all kinds of fun and funky outfits. I purchased a couple paper doll books online, received them a week later in the mail, and got to work cutting outfits out of the books. It wasn’t until my residents moved in that I realized these door decs weren’t going to work. You see, I had paper dolls that looked like Stephanie and Ashley but no paper dolls that looked like Darnicia and Xueqiong. I did not notice that all of the paper dolls had white skin. I didn’t even think about it. After a loooong online search, I finally found a book with more culturally diverse dolls and made the door decs for everyone. I still felt stupid putting them up. Would people notice the dolls were different colors? Would they notice if the doll didn’t look like them? Did it matter?

More recently, I went into a public restroom with my best friend (yes, ladies do need to go together) and was complaining about how dirty public restrooms got. I told my friend that I just didn’t understand why grown women could not keep things a little cleaner. She said maybe little kids had made the mess. I said, very sarcastically, that maybe it was just a bunch of people with no arms who couldn’t flush the toilets or clean up after themselves. While washing our hands, a woman exited from the only other occupied stall in the restroom. She had only one arm. Wow, did I feel like an ass.

In Student Development, we’ve been talking about racial identity development and my professor explained that the theories are based on the assumption that racism exists and that racism is culturally, politically, and socially ingrained in many ways. She also explained that based on this definition of racism, you are automatically racist if you are White because you live in a society that benefits you simply because of the color of your skin. Ouch. The way we define racism socially is that you are racist if you are prejudiced against others because of their race. To be racist, to me, is one of the most horrendous, contemptible qualities. I have never intentionally hurt or marginalized someone because of their race. But in many ways, this definition of racism makes sense. In fact, it’s applicable to all –isms.

I have never had to think about what it’s like to not be able to walk. Or what it’s like to have only one hand. I have never had to worry about finding Barbies or paper dolls that looked like me. Most people on TV and in movies look like me, too. I had no idea that people like Mary, one of my RAs, struggle with not looking like those people. Mary is Asian and tapes her eyelids every morning so that she has the double eyelids characteristic of White cultures. She recently told me a story about how her mom took her to have the common outpatient surgery for double eyelids in Taiwan, but she became afraid and backed out at the last minute. Mary is beautiful.
It makes me sick to think that she has to live in a world that in any way tells her she isn’t. It makes me sick to think about myself in the context of racism.

Luckily, I’ve learned a few other important things about diversity this semester. First, I’ve learned to take any and all chances to become more comfortable and understanding of diversity. A couple of privilege walks just won’t cut it. I’ve learned that it’s important to understand your place in social and political systems. I may be a racist simply because I’m White, but I’ve learned that the best way to combat racism is to help break down the oppression and injustices of others. I’ve also learned that I don’t know anything about my own race. Several of my professors have suggested taking classes or seminars about what it means to be White. Finally, I’ve learned that being a White woman does not mean I’m not diverse; I might just have to think harder about what makes me different from other people.

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 14

Disclaimer: What happened? Is it still February? I’m so behind on posting and this blog is a little out of date so stick with me and I promise to try a little bit harder.

Committee. It’s a term that is near and dear to university administrators, faculty, staff, and students everywhere. Committee is basically a 10-cent word for group work. It’s the way things get done in the bureaucracy that is higher education. Most committees are inefficient, frustrating, and move at a snail’s pace. Sometimes, however, the rare opportunity comes along to serve on a sexy committee. Sexy committees are named for the prestige they bestow and typically include opportunities to meet extraordinary or influential people, eat really good food, or travel. The sexiest committees, of course, include all three.

All of the housing grads at my university are required to serve on at least one housing committee. Committee responsibilities range from planning professional development events to advising student groups. Luckily, I was placed on the sexiest of housing committees--graduate recruitment. Not only have I gotten to screen all the graduate assistantship candidates for next year (read: pick out new best friends) but I got to travel and eat on housing’s dime. Also, I’ve gotten to experience what it’s like on the legendary “other side of the table.” In the four long days I spent at the Oshkosh Placement Exchange, I learned a lot about interviewing and found that there are many different types of candidates.

Death Eaters
Named for the villainous wizards in Harry Potter, these candidates are much more like Dementors in that they suck part of your soul out during an interview (Sorry HP fans, Death Eater just sounded better). After just three minutes with this candidate you begin to feel sorrowful and drained. Death Eaters are typically dry and boring with little to no spark about them. By the end of a Death Eater’s interview, you have lost most of your energy. It may take up to an hour to fully recover. Thankfully, Death Eaters are rare in the Student Affairs world and it’s unlikely you will encounter more than a handful of these soul-suckers.

Heartbreakers
Heartbreakers are the strongest candidates. They are typically confident and have the perfect answers to questions. An interview with a Heartbreaker may leave you feeling like you’ve learned something new. These candidates seem like a great “fit” and you feel a strong connection to them. You can easily envision working with them and even becoming friends. Unfortunately, heartbreakers are so named because EVERYONE thinks they’re a great candidate. You have to be careful not to become too attached to these candidates because they will probably break your heart by accepting a position somewhere else.

Pound Puppies
Pound Puppies are typically middle-of-the-road candidates. They tend to be OK in interviews and OK in social interactions. Pound Puppies are often very reserved and need a lot of training. Still, there is something about a Pound Puppy that makes you want to give them a chance, some part of you that thinks they could develop into a strong professional and you could help be that difference.

Loud Mouths, Motor Mouths, and Whisperers
Inevitably, there will be a handful of candidates who have trouble controlling their speed, volume, and articulation. You can often hear Loud Mouths from adjoining interview rooms. Loud Mouths typically leave interviewers rubbing their ears. Motor Mouths answer twenty tough questions in three minutes without taking a breath. Whisperers are quiet and sometimes thoughtful but usually lack enthusiasm. I guess my advice here is try to find a good tone, volume, and articulation before taking an interview. On “the other side of the table,” try not to laugh when people talk quietly, quickly, or loudly. I had an especially hard time interviewing a candidate with a unique stutter. Luckily, I kept my professionalism and good karma in tact.

After spending four days in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, on that infamous “other side,” I’ve decided that it’s not so glamorous to attend OPE as an employer. In fact, as a member of a sexy committee, there were many times I felt distinctly unsexy. For instance, when I was pushing our rented PT cruiser out of a parking space for the second time. Or when I was running across frozen parking lots in four inch heels. Or when I was chugging Red Bull between interviews to stay awake. You get the idea.

I guess the bottom line is that if something seems too sexy to be true, it probably is. Still, I would never turn down the opportunity to travel, meet new people, and eat those Midwest Airlines cookies.

Takin' Care of Business #13

Unmotivated...

That is the only word that comes to mind when I think about how the semester is going. New semester, new set of courses, new set of professors...but is there a new me? a new attitude?

I remember last year when I was so busy applying for assistantships and school never seemed to be done with. Unmotivated...a primary syndrome of senioritis. But hello! I'm not a senior, I'm a grad. So why this feeling? Why now when midterms are approaching? I should be stressing and pulling my hair out, not merely blah.

My classes are no longer of interest to me. Yes, I attend class, but zone out every time I have a 20+ page article to read. I have one professor for two classes. In one he is serious, and in the other a total spaz. My professor for Law class is super fun because she always has good stories to tell about her days in Law School. Plus, I have a bias towards her because she lets us out early from class and she's from Iowa (and I love everything about the state of Iowa). It just seems that I have reached a slump with classes. I don't want to read, and I absolutely dread homework. I don't know what happened to me? I was doing so well in January. And I just want to be OUT of school already. When will I be done??? Aaaahhhhhhh!

Classes aren't the only ones to encounter my unmotivation. I feel like my assistantship is going the same. I don't feel like I'm learning anything new, and everything about my job is starting to become annoying and of no interest to me. I sit in my office day after day working on programming for the unit, and even so, I can't ever attend the events because I usually have classes at night. How do I get to experience the outcomes of a program that I helped create when I have somewhere to be?

I have everything set up for my summer internship and my practicum for the Fall semester, and those are the only things I'm looking foward to right now. Having a job will really do me some good when all I have to focus on is that.

Also, I'm suffering with financial issues because I'm not making enough with my stipend and have contemplated getting a second job, pawning my jewelry, or even selling off my blood plasma. Since I don't get to have a Spring Break because I work at an administrative office, I was planning on visiting my undergrad at the end of the month. Just escape for the weekend. But with the way things are going I may not have money to pay for gas to get to and from Iowa.

The only good thing that happened this week was that one of our student desk workers got a job offer to teach in one of the best school districts in Houston, TX. I'm so excited for him because I think this would be a great opportunity to explore new grounds. When we talked about what his choices were, he was afraid about leaving our current institution and leaving his family behind. He has never lived more than an hour and a half from his parents. I just think "Geez, try 18 hours like me, and I only saw them once last year". He is also afraid of not making friends and meeting people. He has the greatest personality so it's not like it would be too hard for him to meet others. He asked me "When did you start feeling comfortable here?" and very honestly I answered "I'm still working on it". He seemed to be surprised and asnwered "I would have never noticed", and I explained how I constantly try to find the girl I used to be; but the unevitable happened and I gained more responsibility over myself and my actions. I became an adult. It's not like that's a bad thing, it's just that priorities change.

Talking to this student was like an out of body, deja vu experience...like that student was me but last year "me". And he has all the same apprehensions that I had, but to be able to give advice and attempt to answer the questions he had about Texas...well, it just made my day.

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 13

There are only 28 days in February for a reason. It’s not because it makes the whole calendar thing work. It’s because February is crazy. Seriously, people go crazy in February. I think it’s because everyone feels like they need to cram things into the smallest month of the year. Lots of things have been crammed into my February schedule: undergraduate recruitment, graduate recruitment, internship stuff, two trips, papers, presentations, duty, events… But there’s one thing that’s been on my mind more than all of the others: placement for next year.

A lot of schools make grads change buildings every year so they can have a different experience. This isn’t the case at my institution and many grads choose to stay in the same building two years in a row. This year, we were encouraged to preference several buildings and after a lot of thought I put my current building first and another building I really like second (followed by another eight buildings I wasn’t very interested in). I talked to my supervisor a lot about placement and told her that while I was very interested in my second choice, I chose to put my current building first because she has been such a great mentor and supporter for me. Honestly, I know I’m a strong grad and would be flexible enough to be placed in any building on campus.

About two weeks ago, all of our supervisors got together and made placement decisions. Since then, we have all been nagging our supervisors to tell us placement but because one person hadn’t accepted, they couldn’t tell us. The more and more time I had to think, the less and less I wanted to stay in this building. I’ve had such a great experience here but I don’t think that another year would be the best for me professionally or developmentally.

Finally, last Monday I got a text from my supervisor saying she needed to speak with me and the two other grads in my building ASAP. I had no idea what the meeting was about and figured something happened in the building over the weekend that we all needed to know about. We met in the office and my supervisor dropped the bombshell. Her husband got a job in another state and she won’t be returning next year. She cried. I cried. Then, she told the other first-year grad I work with that he would be staying in our building and that I was supposed to be moving to my second-choice-turned-first-choice building. Now that she was leaving, however, she would be asking to keep both of us in the building. My heart sank a little but I didn’t say anything.

I went back to my apartment and kept thinking about the two buildings. Again, the more I thought about next year, the more I didn’t want to stay in this building. I would stay in the same apartment (the smallest on campus), work with one of the same grads, and sit at the same desk in the same office. I’m just ready for something new. At the same time, I have a lot of loyalty for this building which often gets a bad rap on campus. And I really didn’t want to let my supervisor down. After thinking about it all night, I decided I had to talk to my supervisor about how I was feeling.

The next morning, I went into her office and she said she wanted to talk to me about placement. She told me I would be staying here next year. I took a deep breath and said everything I needed to say. That I knew that my staying might be best for the building but wasn’t sure it was the best for me. That I have a lot of loyalty to the building and would work my ass off if I stayed but that I thought the other building might be the better choice for me. I could tell she was upset and she told me that she had thought about me when she was making the decision and thought I wouldn’t be as happy with the move as I thought. That I would be bored in the new building and I might struggle with a smaller staff and less friendly supervisor. She encouraged me to talk to the supervisor for the other building and get a better idea of what working there is like. She reminded me that everyone’s placement is tentative and I still could be moved. Now, I’m more confused than ever. I guess I just need to trust that I will have a great experience either way and that whatever happens is for a reason.

I know that the building I work in probably doesn’t seem that important, but for me I only have these two years to figure out what I want to do professionally and to learn as much as I can before my first professional job. Plus, it’s been really frustrating to watch everyone else celebrate getting their first choice placement and excitedly talking and planning for the next year while I still feel like I’m in limbo. To top it off, I’m really sad that my supervisor, who I’ve gotten so close to and has been the only real mentor for me at this big school, is leaving. It’s just a lot to think about.

On the bright side, there are only five days left in February.

Having a bad February day like me? Or just any kind of bad day? Visit fmylife.com--it's hilarious and will make you feel a little better about your own situation.

Takin' Care of Business #12

Alot has been going on in my life lately...

The whole interviewing for summer internships/practicums thing is over! I'm glad to say that from the 5 schools I talked to, I got at least one offer. I'll be going to Texas for 2 months for a NODA internship. Exciting stuff! I've never done summer orientation before, so this is going to be very new and interesting too.

This semester hasn't really set in for me. Though some of my classes were interesting to me when I read their titles, the course content has been fustrating. I hate going to class some days. My cohort has been scattered around to other classes (since now we have more liberty in choosing what classes to take), and now I'm having classes with 2nd year grads from my program as well as PhD students. I feel like I'm incompetent--again...same thing when I first started going to school here.

Then there is this other thing bugging me. I'm taking a class called "College Students and the Law" and we had to go attend this presentation at my campus about facebook, myspace, and the likes of that nature. The presenter [C.L. Lindsey] came to speak to our students in a presentation called "Online Trouble". I don't know how many times I've heard horror stories from my parents about not putting my personal information out there when I talk to strangers. They used to be very concerned about me wanting to "chat online" with friends. I was 18 at the time, and didn't know much about the world, and had internet access for the first time when I started going to college. Anyways, this guy showed us some pictures he found online of students from my campus underage drinking, playing beer pong, smoking weed, and things of that nature. He also told us of some people who "hooked up" over myspace and facebook--stories that ended with kidnap and murder. The othe big surprise was that he mentioned that it's easy to hack into people's myspace accounts, and that you can Google the instructions. My face went "??????" Also, the other thing that got me thinking--about 90,000 registered sex offenders got booted off of myspace for trying to pose as young kids. After that presentation, I contemplated deleting my myspace account. Not sure if I'm going to...I have to think it over some more.

The same thing is happening to me now. I'm being lectured constantly from people like my supervisor about what I put online. My supervisor called to my attention that I shouldn't be sharing my feelings abou summer internships on a public forum such as facebook. My supervisor says "Don't you remeber what C.L. Lindsey said in his presentation about employers checking people's facebook when they apply for jobs?" I was asked by someone about my status that day which was "...either way I'm heading back to the Lone Star State". The person asked "What's wrong with TX?" Someone else asked "Why are you moving to TX for?" (thinking that I was already done with grad school). When I replied I mentioned "I wasn't exactly aiming for the South this summer, but I'm glad I got an offer". The school that interviewed me that offered me the position...they asked during my interview why was their school #3 on my listing on the NODA website? If you're familiar with NODA, you're allowed to only pick 8 schools to apply to. To this school, #3 is high up there. And I did hold them high in standards as well. Why my boss is making a fuss over it, I have no clue? Then I limited the access of what he can see on my facebook. Not like I'm scared or anything because I have nothing to hide. I'm a good person, a good student, and a good employee...My facebook is clean. I've always had it that way. I was a student leader at my undergrad. I was a Greek and I was an RA. I know what kidn of things are not supposed to be on my profile. And it's not like I engaged in that kind of wild behavior anyways during college. I NEVER had pictures of me with alcohol or partying on my facebook. My profile has always been clean. If you would ever look my tagged pictures, the vast majority of them are of me dancing. Well...I was a dance minor. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to dance. It says so on my profile. Now, it's not like I'm dancing up on poles or dancing on tables or things like that. Why should my pictures even cause any worry? Why would anyone want to take salsa dancing "out of context"?

At the end of last semester my classmates and I decided to have a bar crawl to celebrate our first semester completed. We made shirts and planned this out to the every possible detail. We asked ourselves about the "What ifs" and the "out of context" questions. We never mentioned what program we were, we never mentioned our institution on the shirt, we didn't invite anyone underage or who was an undergrad, we stayed away from places that undergrad students go to, we decided to have our bar crawl early during the day...we just made the mistake of taking pictures. We're grad students, ok? We don't get drunk anymore because we're too tired. Some of us were never big partyers anyways. The pictures got posted on facebook, none of them were bad. We had one picture of all of us raising our glasses to toast, we took other group photos with each other, some of them included glasses on the table of the restaurant/pubs and other places we visited. They were not bad at all. None of us really drink that much. Somehow, news of this got mentioned to the head of our department. Someone who is friends on facebook with them decided to snitch on us. Next Monday, the first year grads got an email from the head of out program asking us "whose idea was it? and that this was unethical and unprofessional behavior". I about hit the roof, because the pictures were not bad...we took a group photo, no glasses or drinks in our hands, but just because it says bar crawl on the shirt, you're going to get mad? Like really? I'm not 5 anymore. I'm not some child to be scolded at. Nonetheless, pictures were removed and untagged, our feelings a little hurt, some of us were angry, some of us didn't care because we didn't do anything wrong, some of us thought whether or not being in this field was worth it...alot of things went through our brains. It really did ruin my finals week at school.

On another note: Today I uploaded some photos from Valentine's Day. One of my neighbors (another grad) got married yesterday and I was invited to their mini reception at a restaurant. They had a DJ there playing music. Well, I took lots of pics of people dancing and things of that nature. I tagged some friends and new ones I had made at the reception. I got a message from one of the guys about taking down some pics of him dancing because he didn't want them floating in cyberspace. He mentioned how that was an "intimate" moment in his life and he didn't want his professors or his students to see them because they would take them "out of context". I understand his issue, but his photos were not bad. If he's getting down, I think there is no problem with that. I got lots of pictures where I'm doing that. It's not like he's dancing up on a table. Why do people have to freak out about this kind of stuff?

Well, I did as he requested...I deleted some of the photos he was in. I looked at my tagged photos. I had approximately 1,300 pictures of myself up on facebook. I see it as like my entire life is one there. Because I'm paranoid now with people telling me stuff about "out of context" I untagged myself from about 30 pictures: these included pictures of me where I didn't look cute, pictures of me with alcohol (a whopping total of two), and pictures of me dancing silly. I noticed I have lots of pictures of me at karaoke bars now (it's amongst my new hobbies). I don't think karaoke should be taken "out of context" despite the numerous ads for beers in the background of some of these photos. I'm at a bar, I don't have a drink in my hand--just a microphone...what do people think I'm supposed to do for fun around here? I'M 22!!!! I'm not going to sit at home at read all the time. My profile still is quite clean than other people I have seen (i.e. like some of my students).

Anyways: here's the dilemma...Despite facebook and all of its privacy settings that I already have imposed on it since way back when...and no matter how much I delete stuff from it...would I be better off without a profile to avoid any of these stupid comments from people about "Well, other professionals can take that out of context".

Should I get rid of my facebook? I'm thinking to myself "There is no way on God's earth I'm going to do that!" That's 4 years worth of my life that would be gone...4 years of building up a network, of keeping in touch with friends who are too busy to call, 4 years of good memories (the pictures), 4 years that it took to find classmates I used to be friends with in grade school, 4 years worth life--vanished (well, I don't know where my facebook info goes after it gets deleted). Should I just remove the tagged photos, the events, the groups, and photo albums from my profile and just leave the wall?

Technology, my friends, is going to be the demise of society...we have become so reliant on using the internet, our cell phones, TVs, radios, computers...when was the last time anyone wrote a letter by hand? You don't even have to send Holiday cards anymore, you can just click a button and send it as an email. The only phone number I remember on my cell phone is my parents' house, and my sister's cell phone (because she's my emergency contact person). Other than that...I don't know anyone's number by heart or have to look it up in an address book like in the old days. Technology is wonderful and great to contact people, to get things done faster, to entertain us...I just keep wondering about those people--other college students and myself--that check facebook several times a day? Honestly, what would I do without a facebook? I would have more time of my hands, but I'd be so lost. How will I know about my students' events? or campus events? or when my best friends are getting engaged? or someone had a relative who past away?