Takin' Care of Business #15

So those of you who have been following the blog know that I've been the new girl in town for the past year, and that last semester, I was struggling alot to fit in and adjust to life in Illinois. As much as I have been wearing my institution's colors this year and learning the fight song in two days right in time for Homecoming, I never really saw myself as part of this campus. Here's the deal...I don't care if you went somewhere else for graduate school, but deep down in your heart you will always remain faithful to your undergrad. It's the place you spend 4+ years of your life: eating, sleeping, partying, studying, socializing...it's home to you. Maybe a part of my transition to IL was to let my undergrad go, and maybe I didn't want to because, in some sense, I may have thought that I was being unfaithful to the undergrad. I was cheating on my school with another school...how silly does that sound? But that was the truth.

Attempting to become part of this new community was a hard and extensive process. Every time I had to work a new program and had to go attend some developmental student affairs meeting or whatnot...I have to work the room and talk to as many people as possible and try to remember people's names. I even participated in a campus tradition called "Ringing of the Bell". We have this bell on campus that sued to be rung before the football games, but the bell is now cracked and so it is on display on our Quad area. There is a "Ringing of the bell" ceremony, but it's held in our student center and mostly faculty and staff students attend it. They get to ring a small bell to symbolize the big old one outside. Well, this year, they allowed those who wanted to participate, to go outside in a "very chilly February morning in IL" weather, to ring the big old bell on the Quad. And I was first in line!

There was something very exciting about the 10 rings I gave to that bell...something very solemn. This was the bell that Presidents and students alike had rang 50+ years ago. What an honor! Both of my hands clasped around the rope, wearing a smile on my face, and with every "dong" the bell made the stars in my eyes grew brighter and brighter. My shrieks of delight filled the air as other administrators, staff, and students, just looked on and smiled or laughed at me. Who knew this girl would be so excited to be a part of the community?

This weekend, my campus threw our annual "Relay for Life" cancer fundraiser, and I had the opportunity to sit and relax with some of the stduents that I work with. There was a conversation exchanged between me and one of the Executive Board members of one of the student groups I help with, and he asked me why wasn't I in charge of a certain program my office promotes? So I told him that the other grad who works with me is in charge of it. He went on to tell me he didn't like the other grad too much because she seemed mean when she conducts this program. I explained that she wasn't mean, but that she has a different work style than I do. I also came to believe that the only reason this student was saying that he liked me better was because I look like him. I know my fellow blogger from "It's a Residence Hall, not a dorm" just wrote a piece recently about diversity and its impact on people's behavior. It is so true! I think the only reason this students seems to like talking to me is because we're both Hispanic. I think that he feels like he can identify with me (that's a good thing, in my book).

On Sunday, my office gave a training session to all of next year's new Executive Board members of the four cultural student groups we work closely with. One of the students came up to me and asked if I was going to stay after graduation next year. I told her that I honestly didn't know. So far, my plan after graduation doesn't entail staying in Illinois but at this rate who knows what may happen? Despite my internal debate of wanting to go home to take care of my parents, a part of me wants to go somewhere new, and another part of me wants to just wander around for a bit and see which offers come along. I'm a tumbleweed, I go where ever the wind takes me...it's the story of my life. Sometimes your life circumstances take you places you may or may not want to be. Anyways...this student had a special interest in my staying, as she also tells me that she is thinking of going to graduate school and study in the Student Affairs program in a few years. Such young hopes and dreams :) But for real...it seems like I became this student's role model (and we don't look like each other).

And this morning, the coordinator of my office asked me about a program that occured last week that I arranged, and asked me who attended. I told her that one of the people present was one of the Directors from another office (who is characterized by his booming deep voice). I said something about him, but was imitating his voice, and she laughed at me and said "Oh! You bit the apple". And I asked her what that meant, and she said "You've done "the voice". You have been here long enough to pick up on it". Apparently, when any body speaks of this Director, everyone imitates his booming deep voice. So...this made me realize I had become part of the Student Affairs circle at my institution... :) hahaha.

This weekend I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with my students as we engaged in some campus activities. I learned something this weekend about myself...something I wasn't expecting to find out...something very surreal to me...I became one with the campus. I have finally understood that I became someone that students can relate to, that students from underrepresented groups can look up to, that I'm the peppy and cheerful staff member that likes to motivate everyone, and that I am FINALLY a part of this community as much as it is now a part of me.

It's just odd to see how the tables have turned on me...and that the inevitable happened--I like being at this institution (...and I'm not cheating on my undergrad, I will always love that place with all my heart...but now I have a new love, and that is this place).

Takin' Care of Business #14

Wow! End of the year...seems like yesterday that I just got here.

I want to take the time to apologize to everyone since I have been very MIA lately. It's been over a month since I last wrote, and I know I have stories to hear from everyone about internships and such for the summer.

Not much has happened since I last wrote to all of you readers. So far, my NODA internship in TX is still in place and classes are still boring. However, these past few weeks have been a bit stressful with the preparation of my final semester projects. So much to do, and so little time. Bring it on, stress! I'm waiting for you!

As I reflect back on this first year, I did learn alot about myself and what I'm made of. It's been rough to be living alone and to work and go to school at the same time. It's been rough to realize that some things need to change next year and that my attitude towards school at the moment needs some readjusting.

It was a year of learning...about myself, about the field, and about my relationships with people. I have always been noted for being someone who likes to connect with others. This is why I have always had meaningful friendships with people. Now that I work with students, I have had to learn how to tone it down a bit. It's been a challenge when most of the students I work with are about my same age. I know that when I get that first job out of grad school, I will have to more assertive and take things a bit more seriously than I do now (not that I'm a silly goose or anything, but being in a supervisory role requires me to be more focused and mature.

Lately, alot of questions have been coming up from those professionals in the field at my institution for us grads. We have a GA Development session that us who work for the Dean of Students Office have to go to once a month. This month we talked the job search....not too far from the corner. That's when it hit me that I'm only "half way there (whooooa! Livin' on a Prayer! Take my hand and we'll make it I swear...") Woops, sorry for that musical interruption :)

Job Searching: not exactly something I wanted to discuss quite yet, but the questions are still burning in the back of my mind. The major one has been "Where do you want to go?" Personally, I have no geographical location where I'd like to be. I have moved around alot in my lifetime, and so moving is not a problem. I'm a tumbleweed, I go wherever the wind takes me. Seems to be such an easy thing to say for someone in Student Affairs...because let's face it, you have to be willing to relocate when you're in this field. However, though most of my classmates have significant others, I have no attachment to anyone at the moment. In the past two months I met someone very nice, and though dating this person seemed like a possible progression...I had to stop and think that at the moment, I'm not in a position to be romantically involved with someone. Why would I decide to get into a relationship, when I'll be moving in about a year. Despite cutting communication with this person I was talking to, I realized that my career is always going to come first in that aspect. I know that's not a balanced way to live emotionally, but that's the way it's got to be.

My career will always come first with the exception of my parents. At the moment, I have two aging parents in their late 70s, who are going through different medical concerns. Though my mom is still walking around and gardening, she has numerous things going on. The amount of pills she has to take for her blood pressure, cholesterol, and other heart related conditions kind of spook me out. On top of that she has a pinched nerve on her lower back (which is why she shouldn't be gardening, but she is stubborn and won't listen to em or anyone). She has hearing issues, and other problems of that nature. However, my oldest sister is her caregiver, and despite her not being around much (because she works a day and a night job), I know that mom has someone to look after her. The one who worries me is my dad. He doesn't have any physical issues...heck, he jogs at the local park every morning. But my mom, sister, and me have noticed that my dad is starting to lose it a bit mentally. OK, so it's not full blown out Alzheimer's, but we think it is going to start kicking in soon just by small behaviors he does.

My mom and I had the conversation about me moving back to TX so that I could help my sister out a bit, and take care of her and dad. My mom is one of those parents that likes to use the guilt trip, but she was very honest with me. Mom doesn't want me to go home just to take care of her. She said "You go where you have to go, and don't worry about us". I know that I can't be picky in job searching with the way the economy is now. I have student loans to pay back. But, I have that obligation to my family. Parents take care of the children, and then the children take care of the parents...it's the ebb and flow of life.

My parents are very proud that I have made it this far in my life. I'm the first one to go to college and graduate, and the first one to go for their Master's. It's the greatest accomplishment they have done has parents...to guide me in the right direction. I know that some young people today don't have that support, and that is one of the reasons I decided to go into this field. I want to help students reach their potential. Now, when you mix cultural backgrounds in the whole picture, it can get murky. For example, Latino students are very close to their families (i.e. ME and the story I'm telling you just now...) So, I may not have a boyfriend, but I do have a family, and they will be a huge deciding factor in my relocation after grad school. One of my mentors told me, that I had to think about my happiness, and he asked me if TX was a place I could see myself in. I said "No". TX is not my dream world. And I understand that I'm only a plane ride away, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to do the right thing. I left home to go away to college...I moved again to a place that I knew nothing about for grad school...and I will move back home to take care of mom and dad--becuase it's the right thing to do.

One thing I'm looking foward to with my summer internship in TX is that I will be able to start networking in the area. Maybe I can get a job after graduation where I'm going this summer. That can be a start.

It's alot of stuff to think about for the following year...and I still have time to change my mind about relocating. I think it's good that these questions about relocating came up so I can think about it early on. But they are some tough decisions to make. Hey, nobody said growing up was easy...sometimes you just got to be "Takin' Care of Business"...

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 15

What I am about to say might offend you. Be prepared.

Let’s talk about diversity. It’s quite the buzz word in higher education these days. We slap it into mission statements and make sure it’s prominent in interview questions and hiring decisions. Most of us feel like we have a good grip on diversity; we get it. I mean, c’mon, I’ve done that privilege walk like a thousand times.

I’m one of those people. I was raised by open, wonderful parents who taught me to respect and celebrate all cultures and all people. I’ve always been interested in learning about what makes people unique or different. I’ve had years of formal diversity training preceded by years of informal training in the many different places I’ve lived. But lately, I’m wondering if maybe there are a lot of things I don’t get. Two specific instances have caught my attention and made me question my own -isms.

In my last year as an RA, I was on an all-female floor for the first time. I thought long and hard about my first door decs because I wanted them to really stand out. I decided on paper dolls with all kinds of fun and funky outfits. I purchased a couple paper doll books online, received them a week later in the mail, and got to work cutting outfits out of the books. It wasn’t until my residents moved in that I realized these door decs weren’t going to work. You see, I had paper dolls that looked like Stephanie and Ashley but no paper dolls that looked like Darnicia and Xueqiong. I did not notice that all of the paper dolls had white skin. I didn’t even think about it. After a loooong online search, I finally found a book with more culturally diverse dolls and made the door decs for everyone. I still felt stupid putting them up. Would people notice the dolls were different colors? Would they notice if the doll didn’t look like them? Did it matter?

More recently, I went into a public restroom with my best friend (yes, ladies do need to go together) and was complaining about how dirty public restrooms got. I told my friend that I just didn’t understand why grown women could not keep things a little cleaner. She said maybe little kids had made the mess. I said, very sarcastically, that maybe it was just a bunch of people with no arms who couldn’t flush the toilets or clean up after themselves. While washing our hands, a woman exited from the only other occupied stall in the restroom. She had only one arm. Wow, did I feel like an ass.

In Student Development, we’ve been talking about racial identity development and my professor explained that the theories are based on the assumption that racism exists and that racism is culturally, politically, and socially ingrained in many ways. She also explained that based on this definition of racism, you are automatically racist if you are White because you live in a society that benefits you simply because of the color of your skin. Ouch. The way we define racism socially is that you are racist if you are prejudiced against others because of their race. To be racist, to me, is one of the most horrendous, contemptible qualities. I have never intentionally hurt or marginalized someone because of their race. But in many ways, this definition of racism makes sense. In fact, it’s applicable to all –isms.

I have never had to think about what it’s like to not be able to walk. Or what it’s like to have only one hand. I have never had to worry about finding Barbies or paper dolls that looked like me. Most people on TV and in movies look like me, too. I had no idea that people like Mary, one of my RAs, struggle with not looking like those people. Mary is Asian and tapes her eyelids every morning so that she has the double eyelids characteristic of White cultures. She recently told me a story about how her mom took her to have the common outpatient surgery for double eyelids in Taiwan, but she became afraid and backed out at the last minute. Mary is beautiful.
It makes me sick to think that she has to live in a world that in any way tells her she isn’t. It makes me sick to think about myself in the context of racism.

Luckily, I’ve learned a few other important things about diversity this semester. First, I’ve learned to take any and all chances to become more comfortable and understanding of diversity. A couple of privilege walks just won’t cut it. I’ve learned that it’s important to understand your place in social and political systems. I may be a racist simply because I’m White, but I’ve learned that the best way to combat racism is to help break down the oppression and injustices of others. I’ve also learned that I don’t know anything about my own race. Several of my professors have suggested taking classes or seminars about what it means to be White. Finally, I’ve learned that being a White woman does not mean I’m not diverse; I might just have to think harder about what makes me different from other people.