The Grad School Journey Begins

Takin' Care of Business #17

2009-06-15T20:29:00.000-07:00

When I was in the processes of finding an internship, I kept telling myself to get out there and find a new area of work that I had never encountered. That's the whole reason why I applied to work in Summer Orientation. However, I had the awesome surprise of picking out a university that conducts summer orientation for families. This was a foreign concept to me as I always thought Orientation was for the students...but as our millennials continue to tie the umbilical cord tighter to mom and/or dad...mom and dad have to attend orientation. Seriously? You can't leave Junior at school for two days?

When I arrived at my internship two weeks ago, I was full of energy....roaring to start. I kept asking my two supervisors "What projects do you have for me?" But they didn't have anything special for me to do. However, they kept encouraging me to make this MY experience. This meant WHAT did I want to get out of this?

So after a long session of self reflecting this Spring I identified areas that I really needed to work on. These are areas I noticed that employers would be looking for when I get out into the field next year. During my assistantship this Spring, I had the opportunity to sit in on campus interviews with candidates we were hiring for new positions in my unit. They are entry level positions, and so the people applying were men and women just getting out of grad school...weeks shy of receiving their degrees. Through that process, I understood that budgeting experience is a transferable skill that I could utilize to my benefit. I hate numbers and seem to have issues with money (because there never seems to be enough)...but I thought budgeting experience would be something new to learn. I also idetified supervisory skills as an area that I have had knowledge about by working in different Executive Boards with student organizations I have been involved with. Being the authority figure has always been something I have struggled with because I don't enjoy telling people what to do, how to do it, or just flat out being the boss. Though I don't like it, I have to learn. Another area I wanted to improve on is the ability to research. It's different stories to research for a class project than to research for the sake of imparting knowledge into the world. Presenting professionally this research, is my last component of areas I want to work on.

Parent Summer Orientation...interesting concept. My supervisors took seriously what I wanted to learn and designed some projects for me. These involve: researching different types of families/parents and their needs (i.e. transfers, first generation, Spanish-speaking, commuters); if the research I find seems to be of significance to the future of the office and their programming for parents/families I may have the opportunity to present to the VP of Student Development (really exciting yet nerve wracking); being able to learn how our Parent Association (PTA for college parents) gets funding (i.e through selling merchandise, Parent Orientation fees, etc.); supervising the Parent Orientation Leaders (by creating a Performance Evaluation for the Orientation Leaders, assisting with their training process, and guiding them through Orientation duties)...alot of work for a 150 hour internship...which by now I am half way done with my hours--yikes!

I have to admit...I didn't think that Parent Orientation was a big deal. However, after preparing for the first Freshman Orientation session (which was today...and I amazingly worked through a 12 hour day) I realized that parents do play an integral role in their students life.

Today I had some Spanish speaking parents who were confused on where to go or how to pay and what to do...and so I talked them through the process and explained how when a student needs help the first person they will likely call for advice would be their mom and dad. I told them that the institution encouraged parents to attend this orientation (which is optional). The look on their faces was priceless...and I have never felt more rewarded with my job. The fact that I spoke Spanish and was able to interpret information for them and make them feel a part of this university---and that I made a point that their student was important to us and that as parents they were also important, not just for us, but the collegiate experience of their student. They seemed so grateful that I could talk to them as people and understand their situation (they drove HOURS to get here today, and with the economy being as it is--they didn't have much resources for them to attend this optional gathering). I was able to get both of the parents' fees' waived. And I made a family very happy today :) The father kept shaking my head and saying "Thank You" to me. He seemed so happy to know that someone cared about his family. Even if it was a stranger such as me. I met a family's needs today...and I'm never forgetting that moment when I connected with this family.

Studies show that students perform better and have a positive collegiate experience when their parents are involved in the collegiate experience. And today...I think I am responsible for some freshman having a successful first year. Hopefully, with the information these parents will get during Orientation they will motivate their student to pursue their dreams, and their kid will no longer be a statistic of Latinos who don't graduate (an important aspect of my life since I am Latina who faced obstacles in the way to get where I'm at now).

I did good. Stressful long day...but in the end, the hard work was worth it. I made someone's family a bit happier. All this on the first day of Orientation!!!!

I'm really happy at the place that I'm at this summer...I have the most amazing supervisor ever, the school is a perfect fit to my personality, and it's all in a small town setting. What more could an intern ask for? (Funny story: I told my supervisor on the first day when she took me out to lunch to get to know me better that it had been the best first day ever at anything. She was so proud. She kept trying to hold up to that standard all week. And it was--it was the best first week ever. And I think it will continue to be one of the best experiences I have ever had).

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 19

2009-06-10T15:50:00.000-07:00

Goodbye first year of grad school. Hello summer internship!

Finals week has come and gone. I closed my monstrous building, moved to a new apartment, cleaned out my office, finished up paperwork, wrote a bunch of reports, said goodbye to my friends, and boarded a plane to Florida. After three months of waiting, I was finally on my way to my summer internship.

I was so excited but nervous. How in the world was I going to help run orientation for a university I don’t even attend? What would my student staff think of me? What if my professional staff didn’t like me? What was I going to do without a car? Would I make any friends?

Someone came to pick me up from the airport and we waited together for the other NODA intern. When he arrived, he flashed a bright smile and I knew right away that I was going to like him. My roommate was already home when I showed up at the on-campus apartment we’re sharing for the summer. We have a mutual friend (Student Affairs really is a small world after all) and had already connected on Facebook. She gave me a hug and I knew right away we were going to be friends, too. About fifteen minutes later, I heard loud cheering coming from the hallway outside of our apartment. A bunch of the Orientation Leaders came to welcome me with a cheer in the hallway and all twenty of them came into my apartment to say hello. So far, everything was looking great. This is when I typically expect everything to take a turn for the worse. Wrong.

Sure, it took me several days to adjust to being in a new environment. I missed my friends and my boyfriend. For the first time in a long time, I felt nervous and reserved in a large, energetic group. Now, three weeks into the internship, I already feel like I belong here.

This is the third time I’ve had a summer internship and by far the best experience I’ve had. My supervisor has given me trust and responsibility and I cannot thank her enough for that. The office staff and students have been incredibly welcoming and even after a 19-hour orientation day, I’m in a good mood. I’m still trying to be more comfortable and build stronger relationships with my students but I think this will come with time.

I’m disappointed that my university doesn’t encourage many of the grad students to look for internships. Only about half of my cohort is completing internships but I think everyone can benefit from a good (or bad) experience in a new place. Besides, no matter how much you love a place it can be refreshing to spend a summer somewhere else.

There are quite a few interns working here this summer including several grad interns in other offices who work at universities with well-renowned graduate programs but do not seem professional or well prepared. I’m not saying that these programs are necessarily better or worse than any others, but it is nice to know that you do not have to attend Harvard or College Park to have a great experience and find wonderful mentors. So much of the job in this field depends on attitude, effort, and as cliché as it sounds, fit. I truly believe that the type of university and the personalities of the people and students there can effect your job performance, success, and happiness. I’m so happy to have an internship at a university that is a great fit for me.

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 18

2009-06-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

It seems like so long ago that I started this blog with a little insight from Carrie Underwood. Nine months later, while her songs still have a lot of the answers, I realize all the lessons I have learned on my own in my first year of grad school.

My awesome, crazy, motley crew of a cohort has taught me that there is great wisdom in diversity. Also, that I don’t have to be great friends with everyone. That it can be more meaningful to have close relationships with just a handful of people.

I’ve learned that the most challenging things are usually the ones that make me grow the most. I’ve learned so much about being an advisor, supervisor, employee, student, girlfriend, and friend. And I’ve learned that I have way too much left to learn. If you’ve followed this blog at all, I won’t rehash everything I’ve written. Instead, I’ll leave you with some lessons from the Vice Provost of my university which I think are both awesome and beneficial.

Prepare an Elevator Speech
Think of how you could explain your job, or Student Affairs in general, to a stranger in a short elevator ride. I’ve heard many variations of Student Affairs elevator speeches—both on and off elevators. Recently, a Higher Education professor explained Student Affairs as working in “talent development;” preparing students to use their talents to successfully accomplish their dreams. Others say something about student affairs being the non-academic side of higher education. I’m still working on my elevator speech, which currently goes something like, “I just wanna stay in college forever.” A lot of thought should go into the speech. Student Affairs is academic and supports the academic mission of institutions. And my speech doesn’t exactly scream professionalism. Elevator speeches come in really handy when people ask things like “What exactly do you do?” It’s also important to understand your own beliefs and philosophies and tie those into the speech.

Create a Go-to-Hell Fund (or GTFO Fund)
A go-to-hell fund is kind of like a savings account except instead of using the money on car repairs, dental work, or tropical vacations, it’s used in case you need to quit your job and stick it to the man. Now, a GTH fund should not be used just because you’re tired of working and want to spend some time in the Caribbean. Instead, a GTH fund should be used if you have any ethical, philosophical, or other large-scale disagreements or problems with your job and feel there is not way to stick it out. The fund should be large enough to keep you afloat while searching for a new job.

We’re Here For the Students
I know this one isn’t really witty but it’s the most important. For a long time, I thought all Student Affairs professionals were the crème de la crème—friendly, sincere student advocates. However, there are some Student Affairs professionals who start to forget the students. They get caught up in making as many connections as possible or focus on the prestige of administration positions and become like my power hungry manager the summer I worked at Sonic. They focus on what is easiest or cheapest rather than what is best for the students. In the past year, I’ve learned that it is important to speak your mind about what you think is best and sometimes remind those who have forgotten.

Ok, so I guess I didn’t mention things like Kohlberg’s Moral Development theory or tight and loose coupling (which, c’mon sounds like something from Karma Sutra). I have learned a lot from textbooks this year, but I think what will stick with me the most are lessons learned from experience and from the wonderful (and less wonderful) people around me.

Takin' Care of Business #16

2009-05-19T17:36:00.000-07:00

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade...

When life gives you noisemakers, have a party...

When life gives you the opportunity to learn, make the most out of it to share your knowledge with others...

I sit here before my laptop thinking how much has changed in a year. I made a surprise visit to Iowa this past weekend for a sorority sister's wedding. She used to be an RA with me last year. It's surprising how much we have both changed since the end of Senior Year. As I think of this the song "Seasons of Love" is playing through my head. 525, 600 minutes...that is alot of time...time that has past....time that will be coming up soon. What a year...

Throughout the course of this past year, I moved, I changed my attitude about life, I learned to live alone and cope with my problems by myself, I loved, I lost, I fought, I hurt, I complained and whined, I got my act together...I can say I'm not the same girl who I used to be. If anything, this year has been one of much growth for me and my becoming an adult.

It's weird to think to think that sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you make a change. I think it definitely worked for me. Last semester was rough, but the Spring had better things in store for me. And I admit that I am happy where I am at with my life. I mean...think of it...I just completed my first year of grad school. What an accomplishment! I really didn't think back in October that I would make it this far...but I'm here...done with year number one and holding a 3.86 GPA (my highest GPA ever). I was so happy when I got my grades last week. After a super rough semester I ended up with all A's. I forgot how that felt. It feels great!!!!!

If I had to give a word of advice to the new grad students for next year on the things I learned, I would say that make the most out of your situation. Give the institution you are at, if it is different from your undergrad, a chance. Some schools have different ways of doing things...but the point is, you are there to study and to learn. Not just about Student Affairs, but I honestly think you will gain some awesome life skills through grad school. Because hey...you got to grow up sometime, right? What better chance to learn about life? What you're made of?

A year has passed...I still can't believe it. I can't even start to think that I have a year left. It baffles me. I survived the first year...whoa!

Dear friends who read our blogs on the site...thank you so much for becoming part of the first year graduate experience. Being a Student Affairs professional is not something you think about becoming when you're a little kid. But I am so glad that I'm in this field. I really want to help other students make their dreams come true. I want to help students find their way. I want to be the one they can come to with their issues. I want to help them have a voice. It is for people like my academic advisor in undergrad, my hall coordinator, my supervisor at my undergrad's Recreation Center...it's for people like them I wanted to be in this field because they believed in me that I could do my best. I want to help students reach their potential. That I am someone who believes in them.

I know it sounds like I'm trying to give the big statement of my career here, but it's all true. A person's life can change in one year, one month, one week...and in my case 525,600 minutes...

Good luck with all your endeavours future graduate students and those who graduated this past Spring. I can't wait to have you all as my colleagues someday.

And remember always to be "takin' care of business" the best way you can...do your best, give your best, receive the best :)

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 17

2009-05-06T22:17:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, like now, it can seem like this job sucks. Moving a thousand people out of a building can be slightly overwhelming. Not to mention working with RAs who are stressed out about finals. And custodial staff that is stressed out about the building falling apart around us. And students who are partying their way through finals week. So—I can’t believe I’m saying this—I just have to keep reminding myself that I have the best job ever.

Seriously, when I think about how much I love this job, I know I’ve made the right career choice. At least five hours of my work week are spent in one-on-ones. That’s right, I get to spend almost 15 percent of my time at work chatting and having fun with my student staff. Not only do I get to, I’m expected to. This year during one-on-ones, I’ve explored new restaurants, gone for walks, rollerskated, gone shopping, gone swinging at a park, worked out at the rec center, visited an on-campus museum, played a mean game of Guess Who?, and much more. Much of the rest of my time is spent meeting (not always for good purposes) with residents in the building. I am so lucky that one of my job expectations is to get to know such incredible students.

Not only do I have incredible students, I have wonderful colleagues. I have found the most amazing mentors and friends. There is just something special about Student Affairs professionals. I even receive professional development funds to network with more of these amazing people at professional conferences.

One of my favorite things I’ve gotten to do this year is work with my building’s hall government. In April, we put on our huge, traditional Battle of the Bands program and it was such a blast. As part of set-up I got to order a bunch of food, create some sweet t-shirts, listen to great demos, find amazing student talent, and order a moon bounce. The day of the event, there was a lot of on-the-spot trouble shooting and although a lot of things went wrong, it only brought us closer together. After we finally set up, right before the event began, we all put our arms around each other and sang the alma mater. I’ll never forget that moment or that day. I even get to attend all kinds of programs that I don’t have to plan—campus programs, organizational programs, individual floor programs—and there’s usually a lot of new people to meet, a lot of great food to eat, and sometimes even something to learn. Don’t even get me started on the free shirts.

OK, I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, we have the best stories in Student Affairs. Like the time I walked into the elevator and a guy was sitting in a chair playing his guitar. He just looked at me and said “elevator music.” Or the time a student started a protest about giving away fish at a program. He hung posters all over the building and even started a Facebook group about animal cruelty. It turns out it really is illegal in our state to give fish away as prizes.

Perhaps best of all, I get to be a part of an incredible university. It’s like having a huge family that always has something going on. Last weekend, I helped an intramural softball team win the championship, stayed up all night walking in Relay for Life, and went to a BBQ planned by my RA staff. When you work at a university, there is always something to do, something to learn, and some way to help. Sure, making movies and stuff sounds exciting, but I wouldn’t trade this job for anything.

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 16

2009-05-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

I live in one of those big, dirty, loud, in-your-face residence halls. Recently, when I was interviewing a candidate for a desk position, he described my building as the bottom deck in the Titanic. The rooms are cheaper, the people are diverse, and there's always a party. One of the other grads in my building recently referred to our building as the center of the universe. I lovingly refer to the building as my beautiful mansion on the hill. And for the 1,000 students who live here, it is simply home.

It has been a tough month in my building. Seven of the 18 fire alarms we’ve had this year happened in April. We had one student assaulted and robbed and another mugged at gunpoint in our back parking lot. We’ve had flooding, vandalism, and lots and lots of noise. I’ve had more than 30 judicial hearings in the past two weeks.

Unfortunately, many students, staff, and administrators will only remember that these things happen in my building. They will not remember the outstanding staff that does a lot of its bonding at 3 a.m. fire alarms but has a crazy amount of spirit, dedication, and pride for this building we live in. They will not remember the outstanding programs in our building including the traditional program in April that more than 450 people attended. They will not understand that our staff works harder than any staff on campus.

Last week, we had an end-of-the-year banquet and awards ceremony for housing. Of course, because of budget cuts and limited resources, dinner was not served at this year’s award’s ceremony. Still, all 31 staff members dressed up and attended the event. We carpooled to the Union and sat for an hour and a half while we received zero awards. None. For the second year in a row.

I was completely surprised, disappointed, and well, pretty furious that the department would let an entire building go unrecognized. Surely the largest staff on campus must have some outstanding employees, right? It was even more disappointing that at the end of a long, hard year my staff was unrecognized. A night that was supposed to be celebratory ended in disappointment.

There’s a big part of me that wants to have a we-don’t-need-no-stinking-badges attitude but it’s really tough. I hate to be a sore loser but I don’t understand how you can require a building to attend an awards ceremony in which they are completely ignored. So, our senior staff is working it’s hardest to make our own futile attempt at recognition.

All year, I’ve been hearing that our building has a bad reputation and is never praised by the department. I guess I’ve just never really understood until this month. I’ve never had so much pride in something that’s greatness has been so invisible to others. And it’s tough. But we’ll keep fighting the good fight in our building because I know that despite what anyone on the outside says, there are many people who have called and will continue to call this big, dirty, loud, in-your-face building, home.

Takin' Care of Business #15

2009-04-27T12:09:00.000-07:00

So those of you who have been following the blog know that I've been the new girl in town for the past year, and that last semester, I was struggling alot to fit in and adjust to life in Illinois. As much as I have been wearing my institution's colors this year and learning the fight song in two days right in time for Homecoming, I never really saw myself as part of this campus. Here's the deal...I don't care if you went somewhere else for graduate school, but deep down in your heart you will always remain faithful to your undergrad. It's the place you spend 4+ years of your life: eating, sleeping, partying, studying, socializing...it's home to you. Maybe a part of my transition to IL was to let my undergrad go, and maybe I didn't want to because, in some sense, I may have thought that I was being unfaithful to the undergrad. I was cheating on my school with another school...how silly does that sound? But that was the truth.

Attempting to become part of this new community was a hard and extensive process. Every time I had to work a new program and had to go attend some developmental student affairs meeting or whatnot...I have to work the room and talk to as many people as possible and try to remember people's names. I even participated in a campus tradition called "Ringing of the Bell". We have this bell on campus that sued to be rung before the football games, but the bell is now cracked and so it is on display on our Quad area. There is a "Ringing of the bell" ceremony, but it's held in our student center and mostly faculty and staff students attend it. They get to ring a small bell to symbolize the big old one outside. Well, this year, they allowed those who wanted to participate, to go outside in a "very chilly February morning in IL" weather, to ring the big old bell on the Quad. And I was first in line!

There was something very exciting about the 10 rings I gave to that bell...something very solemn. This was the bell that Presidents and students alike had rang 50+ years ago. What an honor! Both of my hands clasped around the rope, wearing a smile on my face, and with every "dong" the bell made the stars in my eyes grew brighter and brighter. My shrieks of delight filled the air as other administrators, staff, and students, just looked on and smiled or laughed at me. Who knew this girl would be so excited to be a part of the community?

This weekend, my campus threw our annual "Relay for Life" cancer fundraiser, and I had the opportunity to sit and relax with some of the stduents that I work with. There was a conversation exchanged between me and one of the Executive Board members of one of the student groups I help with, and he asked me why wasn't I in charge of a certain program my office promotes? So I told him that the other grad who works with me is in charge of it. He went on to tell me he didn't like the other grad too much because she seemed mean when she conducts this program. I explained that she wasn't mean, but that she has a different work style than I do. I also came to believe that the only reason this student was saying that he liked me better was because I look like him. I know my fellow blogger from "It's a Residence Hall, not a dorm" just wrote a piece recently about diversity and its impact on people's behavior. It is so true! I think the only reason this students seems to like talking to me is because we're both Hispanic. I think that he feels like he can identify with me (that's a good thing, in my book).

On Sunday, my office gave a training session to all of next year's new Executive Board members of the four cultural student groups we work closely with. One of the students came up to me and asked if I was going to stay after graduation next year. I told her that I honestly didn't know. So far, my plan after graduation doesn't entail staying in Illinois but at this rate who knows what may happen? Despite my internal debate of wanting to go home to take care of my parents, a part of me wants to go somewhere new, and another part of me wants to just wander around for a bit and see which offers come along. I'm a tumbleweed, I go where ever the wind takes me...it's the story of my life. Sometimes your life circumstances take you places you may or may not want to be. Anyways...this student had a special interest in my staying, as she also tells me that she is thinking of going to graduate school and study in the Student Affairs program in a few years. Such young hopes and dreams :) But for real...it seems like I became this student's role model (and we don't look like each other).

And this morning, the coordinator of my office asked me about a program that occured last week that I arranged, and asked me who attended. I told her that one of the people present was one of the Directors from another office (who is characterized by his booming deep voice). I said something about him, but was imitating his voice, and she laughed at me and said "Oh! You bit the apple". And I asked her what that meant, and she said "You've done "the voice". You have been here long enough to pick up on it". Apparently, when any body speaks of this Director, everyone imitates his booming deep voice. So...this made me realize I had become part of the Student Affairs circle at my institution... :) hahaha.

This weekend I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with my students as we engaged in some campus activities. I learned something this weekend about myself...something I wasn't expecting to find out...something very surreal to me...I became one with the campus. I have finally understood that I became someone that students can relate to, that students from underrepresented groups can look up to, that I'm the peppy and cheerful staff member that likes to motivate everyone, and that I am FINALLY a part of this community as much as it is now a part of me.

It's just odd to see how the tables have turned on me...and that the inevitable happened--I like being at this institution (...and I'm not cheating on my undergrad, I will always love that place with all my heart...but now I have a new love, and that is this place).

Takin' Care of Business #14

2009-04-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

Wow! End of the year...seems like yesterday that I just got here.

I want to take the time to apologize to everyone since I have been very MIA lately. It's been over a month since I last wrote, and I know I have stories to hear from everyone about internships and such for the summer.

Not much has happened since I last wrote to all of you readers. So far, my NODA internship in TX is still in place and classes are still boring. However, these past few weeks have been a bit stressful with the preparation of my final semester projects. So much to do, and so little time. Bring it on, stress! I'm waiting for you!

As I reflect back on this first year, I did learn alot about myself and what I'm made of. It's been rough to be living alone and to work and go to school at the same time. It's been rough to realize that some things need to change next year and that my attitude towards school at the moment needs some readjusting.

It was a year of learning...about myself, about the field, and about my relationships with people. I have always been noted for being someone who likes to connect with others. This is why I have always had meaningful friendships with people. Now that I work with students, I have had to learn how to tone it down a bit. It's been a challenge when most of the students I work with are about my same age. I know that when I get that first job out of grad school, I will have to more assertive and take things a bit more seriously than I do now (not that I'm a silly goose or anything, but being in a supervisory role requires me to be more focused and mature.

Lately, alot of questions have been coming up from those professionals in the field at my institution for us grads. We have a GA Development session that us who work for the Dean of Students Office have to go to once a month. This month we talked the job search....not too far from the corner. That's when it hit me that I'm only "half way there (whooooa! Livin' on a Prayer! Take my hand and we'll make it I swear...") Woops, sorry for that musical interruption :)

Job Searching: not exactly something I wanted to discuss quite yet, but the questions are still burning in the back of my mind. The major one has been "Where do you want to go?" Personally, I have no geographical location where I'd like to be. I have moved around alot in my lifetime, and so moving is not a problem. I'm a tumbleweed, I go wherever the wind takes me. Seems to be such an easy thing to say for someone in Student Affairs...because let's face it, you have to be willing to relocate when you're in this field. However, though most of my classmates have significant others, I have no attachment to anyone at the moment. In the past two months I met someone very nice, and though dating this person seemed like a possible progression...I had to stop and think that at the moment, I'm not in a position to be romantically involved with someone. Why would I decide to get into a relationship, when I'll be moving in about a year. Despite cutting communication with this person I was talking to, I realized that my career is always going to come first in that aspect. I know that's not a balanced way to live emotionally, but that's the way it's got to be.

My career will always come first with the exception of my parents. At the moment, I have two aging parents in their late 70s, who are going through different medical concerns. Though my mom is still walking around and gardening, she has numerous things going on. The amount of pills she has to take for her blood pressure, cholesterol, and other heart related conditions kind of spook me out. On top of that she has a pinched nerve on her lower back (which is why she shouldn't be gardening, but she is stubborn and won't listen to em or anyone). She has hearing issues, and other problems of that nature. However, my oldest sister is her caregiver, and despite her not being around much (because she works a day and a night job), I know that mom has someone to look after her. The one who worries me is my dad. He doesn't have any physical issues...heck, he jogs at the local park every morning. But my mom, sister, and me have noticed that my dad is starting to lose it a bit mentally. OK, so it's not full blown out Alzheimer's, but we think it is going to start kicking in soon just by small behaviors he does.

My mom and I had the conversation about me moving back to TX so that I could help my sister out a bit, and take care of her and dad. My mom is one of those parents that likes to use the guilt trip, but she was very honest with me. Mom doesn't want me to go home just to take care of her. She said "You go where you have to go, and don't worry about us". I know that I can't be picky in job searching with the way the economy is now. I have student loans to pay back. But, I have that obligation to my family. Parents take care of the children, and then the children take care of the parents...it's the ebb and flow of life.

My parents are very proud that I have made it this far in my life. I'm the first one to go to college and graduate, and the first one to go for their Master's. It's the greatest accomplishment they have done has parents...to guide me in the right direction. I know that some young people today don't have that support, and that is one of the reasons I decided to go into this field. I want to help students reach their potential. Now, when you mix cultural backgrounds in the whole picture, it can get murky. For example, Latino students are very close to their families (i.e. ME and the story I'm telling you just now...) So, I may not have a boyfriend, but I do have a family, and they will be a huge deciding factor in my relocation after grad school. One of my mentors told me, that I had to think about my happiness, and he asked me if TX was a place I could see myself in. I said "No". TX is not my dream world. And I understand that I'm only a plane ride away, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to do the right thing. I left home to go away to college...I moved again to a place that I knew nothing about for grad school...and I will move back home to take care of mom and dad--becuase it's the right thing to do.

One thing I'm looking foward to with my summer internship in TX is that I will be able to start networking in the area. Maybe I can get a job after graduation where I'm going this summer. That can be a start.

It's alot of stuff to think about for the following year...and I still have time to change my mind about relocating. I think it's good that these questions about relocating came up so I can think about it early on. But they are some tough decisions to make. Hey, nobody said growing up was easy...sometimes you just got to be "Takin' Care of Business"...

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 15

2009-04-12T18:08:00.000-07:00

What I am about to say might offend you. Be prepared.

Let’s talk about diversity. It’s quite the buzz word in higher education these days. We slap it into mission statements and make sure it’s prominent in interview questions and hiring decisions. Most of us feel like we have a good grip on diversity; we get it. I mean, c’mon, I’ve done that privilege walk like a thousand times.

I’m one of those people. I was raised by open, wonderful parents who taught me to respect and celebrate all cultures and all people. I’ve always been interested in learning about what makes people unique or different. I’ve had years of formal diversity training preceded by years of informal training in the many different places I’ve lived. But lately, I’m wondering if maybe there are a lot of things I don’t get. Two specific instances have caught my attention and made me question my own -isms.

In my last year as an RA, I was on an all-female floor for the first time. I thought long and hard about my first door decs because I wanted them to really stand out. I decided on paper dolls with all kinds of fun and funky outfits. I purchased a couple paper doll books online, received them a week later in the mail, and got to work cutting outfits out of the books. It wasn’t until my residents moved in that I realized these door decs weren’t going to work. You see, I had paper dolls that looked like Stephanie and Ashley but no paper dolls that looked like Darnicia and Xueqiong. I did not notice that all of the paper dolls had white skin. I didn’t even think about it. After a loooong online search, I finally found a book with more culturally diverse dolls and made the door decs for everyone. I still felt stupid putting them up. Would people notice the dolls were different colors? Would they notice if the doll didn’t look like them? Did it matter?

More recently, I went into a public restroom with my best friend (yes, ladies do need to go together) and was complaining about how dirty public restrooms got. I told my friend that I just didn’t understand why grown women could not keep things a little cleaner. She said maybe little kids had made the mess. I said, very sarcastically, that maybe it was just a bunch of people with no arms who couldn’t flush the toilets or clean up after themselves. While washing our hands, a woman exited from the only other occupied stall in the restroom. She had only one arm. Wow, did I feel like an ass.

In Student Development, we’ve been talking about racial identity development and my professor explained that the theories are based on the assumption that racism exists and that racism is culturally, politically, and socially ingrained in many ways. She also explained that based on this definition of racism, you are automatically racist if you are White because you live in a society that benefits you simply because of the color of your skin. Ouch. The way we define racism socially is that you are racist if you are prejudiced against others because of their race. To be racist, to me, is one of the most horrendous, contemptible qualities. I have never intentionally hurt or marginalized someone because of their race. But in many ways, this definition of racism makes sense. In fact, it’s applicable to all –isms.

I have never had to think about what it’s like to not be able to walk. Or what it’s like to have only one hand. I have never had to worry about finding Barbies or paper dolls that looked like me. Most people on TV and in movies look like me, too. I had no idea that people like Mary, one of my RAs, struggle with not looking like those people. Mary is Asian and tapes her eyelids every morning so that she has the double eyelids characteristic of White cultures. She recently told me a story about how her mom took her to have the common outpatient surgery for double eyelids in Taiwan, but she became afraid and backed out at the last minute. Mary is beautiful.
It makes me sick to think that she has to live in a world that in any way tells her she isn’t. It makes me sick to think about myself in the context of racism.

Luckily, I’ve learned a few other important things about diversity this semester. First, I’ve learned to take any and all chances to become more comfortable and understanding of diversity. A couple of privilege walks just won’t cut it. I’ve learned that it’s important to understand your place in social and political systems. I may be a racist simply because I’m White, but I’ve learned that the best way to combat racism is to help break down the oppression and injustices of others. I’ve also learned that I don’t know anything about my own race. Several of my professors have suggested taking classes or seminars about what it means to be White. Finally, I’ve learned that being a White woman does not mean I’m not diverse; I might just have to think harder about what makes me different from other people.

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 14

2009-03-26T13:42:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: What happened? Is it still February? I’m so behind on posting and this blog is a little out of date so stick with me and I promise to try a little bit harder.

Committee. It’s a term that is near and dear to university administrators, faculty, staff, and students everywhere. Committee is basically a 10-cent word for group work. It’s the way things get done in the bureaucracy that is higher education. Most committees are inefficient, frustrating, and move at a snail’s pace. Sometimes, however, the rare opportunity comes along to serve on a sexy committee. Sexy committees are named for the prestige they bestow and typically include opportunities to meet extraordinary or influential people, eat really good food, or travel. The sexiest committees, of course, include all three.

All of the housing grads at my university are required to serve on at least one housing committee. Committee responsibilities range from planning professional development events to advising student groups. Luckily, I was placed on the sexiest of housing committees--graduate recruitment. Not only have I gotten to screen all the graduate assistantship candidates for next year (read: pick out new best friends) but I got to travel and eat on housing’s dime. Also, I’ve gotten to experience what it’s like on the legendary “other side of the table.” In the four long days I spent at the Oshkosh Placement Exchange, I learned a lot about interviewing and found that there are many different types of candidates.

Death Eaters
Named for the villainous wizards in Harry Potter, these candidates are much more like Dementors in that they suck part of your soul out during an interview (Sorry HP fans, Death Eater just sounded better). After just three minutes with this candidate you begin to feel sorrowful and drained. Death Eaters are typically dry and boring with little to no spark about them. By the end of a Death Eater’s interview, you have lost most of your energy. It may take up to an hour to fully recover. Thankfully, Death Eaters are rare in the Student Affairs world and it’s unlikely you will encounter more than a handful of these soul-suckers.

Heartbreakers
Heartbreakers are the strongest candidates. They are typically confident and have the perfect answers to questions. An interview with a Heartbreaker may leave you feeling like you’ve learned something new. These candidates seem like a great “fit” and you feel a strong connection to them. You can easily envision working with them and even becoming friends. Unfortunately, heartbreakers are so named because EVERYONE thinks they’re a great candidate. You have to be careful not to become too attached to these candidates because they will probably break your heart by accepting a position somewhere else.

Pound Puppies
Pound Puppies are typically middle-of-the-road candidates. They tend to be OK in interviews and OK in social interactions. Pound Puppies are often very reserved and need a lot of training. Still, there is something about a Pound Puppy that makes you want to give them a chance, some part of you that thinks they could develop into a strong professional and you could help be that difference.

Loud Mouths, Motor Mouths, and Whisperers
Inevitably, there will be a handful of candidates who have trouble controlling their speed, volume, and articulation. You can often hear Loud Mouths from adjoining interview rooms. Loud Mouths typically leave interviewers rubbing their ears. Motor Mouths answer twenty tough questions in three minutes without taking a breath. Whisperers are quiet and sometimes thoughtful but usually lack enthusiasm. I guess my advice here is try to find a good tone, volume, and articulation before taking an interview. On “the other side of the table,” try not to laugh when people talk quietly, quickly, or loudly. I had an especially hard time interviewing a candidate with a unique stutter. Luckily, I kept my professionalism and good karma in tact.

After spending four days in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, on that infamous “other side,” I’ve decided that it’s not so glamorous to attend OPE as an employer. In fact, as a member of a sexy committee, there were many times I felt distinctly unsexy. For instance, when I was pushing our rented PT cruiser out of a parking space for the second time. Or when I was running across frozen parking lots in four inch heels. Or when I was chugging Red Bull between interviews to stay awake. You get the idea.

I guess the bottom line is that if something seems too sexy to be true, it probably is. Still, I would never turn down the opportunity to travel, meet new people, and eat those Midwest Airlines cookies.

Takin' Care of Business #13

2009-03-05T21:39:00.000-08:00

Unmotivated...

That is the only word that comes to mind when I think about how the semester is going. New semester, new set of courses, new set of professors...but is there a new me? a new attitude?

I remember last year when I was so busy applying for assistantships and school never seemed to be done with. Unmotivated...a primary syndrome of senioritis. But hello! I'm not a senior, I'm a grad. So why this feeling? Why now when midterms are approaching? I should be stressing and pulling my hair out, not merely blah.

My classes are no longer of interest to me. Yes, I attend class, but zone out every time I have a 20+ page article to read. I have one professor for two classes. In one he is serious, and in the other a total spaz. My professor for Law class is super fun because she always has good stories to tell about her days in Law School. Plus, I have a bias towards her because she lets us out early from class and she's from Iowa (and I love everything about the state of Iowa). It just seems that I have reached a slump with classes. I don't want to read, and I absolutely dread homework. I don't know what happened to me? I was doing so well in January. And I just want to be OUT of school already. When will I be done??? Aaaahhhhhhh!

Classes aren't the only ones to encounter my unmotivation. I feel like my assistantship is going the same. I don't feel like I'm learning anything new, and everything about my job is starting to become annoying and of no interest to me. I sit in my office day after day working on programming for the unit, and even so, I can't ever attend the events because I usually have classes at night. How do I get to experience the outcomes of a program that I helped create when I have somewhere to be?

I have everything set up for my summer internship and my practicum for the Fall semester, and those are the only things I'm looking foward to right now. Having a job will really do me some good when all I have to focus on is that.

Also, I'm suffering with financial issues because I'm not making enough with my stipend and have contemplated getting a second job, pawning my jewelry, or even selling off my blood plasma. Since I don't get to have a Spring Break because I work at an administrative office, I was planning on visiting my undergrad at the end of the month. Just escape for the weekend. But with the way things are going I may not have money to pay for gas to get to and from Iowa.

The only good thing that happened this week was that one of our student desk workers got a job offer to teach in one of the best school districts in Houston, TX. I'm so excited for him because I think this would be a great opportunity to explore new grounds. When we talked about what his choices were, he was afraid about leaving our current institution and leaving his family behind. He has never lived more than an hour and a half from his parents. I just think "Geez, try 18 hours like me, and I only saw them once last year". He is also afraid of not making friends and meeting people. He has the greatest personality so it's not like it would be too hard for him to meet others. He asked me "When did you start feeling comfortable here?" and very honestly I answered "I'm still working on it". He seemed to be surprised and asnwered "I would have never noticed", and I explained how I constantly try to find the girl I used to be; but the unevitable happened and I gained more responsibility over myself and my actions. I became an adult. It's not like that's a bad thing, it's just that priorities change.

Talking to this student was like an out of body, deja vu experience...like that student was me but last year "me". And he has all the same apprehensions that I had, but to be able to give advice and attempt to answer the questions he had about Texas...well, it just made my day.

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 13

2009-02-23T22:32:00.000-08:00

There are only 28 days in February for a reason. It’s not because it makes the whole calendar thing work. It’s because February is crazy. Seriously, people go crazy in February. I think it’s because everyone feels like they need to cram things into the smallest month of the year. Lots of things have been crammed into my February schedule: undergraduate recruitment, graduate recruitment, internship stuff, two trips, papers, presentations, duty, events… But there’s one thing that’s been on my mind more than all of the others: placement for next year.

A lot of schools make grads change buildings every year so they can have a different experience. This isn’t the case at my institution and many grads choose to stay in the same building two years in a row. This year, we were encouraged to preference several buildings and after a lot of thought I put my current building first and another building I really like second (followed by another eight buildings I wasn’t very interested in). I talked to my supervisor a lot about placement and told her that while I was very interested in my second choice, I chose to put my current building first because she has been such a great mentor and supporter for me. Honestly, I know I’m a strong grad and would be flexible enough to be placed in any building on campus.

About two weeks ago, all of our supervisors got together and made placement decisions. Since then, we have all been nagging our supervisors to tell us placement but because one person hadn’t accepted, they couldn’t tell us. The more and more time I had to think, the less and less I wanted to stay in this building. I’ve had such a great experience here but I don’t think that another year would be the best for me professionally or developmentally.

Finally, last Monday I got a text from my supervisor saying she needed to speak with me and the two other grads in my building ASAP. I had no idea what the meeting was about and figured something happened in the building over the weekend that we all needed to know about. We met in the office and my supervisor dropped the bombshell. Her husband got a job in another state and she won’t be returning next year. She cried. I cried. Then, she told the other first-year grad I work with that he would be staying in our building and that I was supposed to be moving to my second-choice-turned-first-choice building. Now that she was leaving, however, she would be asking to keep both of us in the building. My heart sank a little but I didn’t say anything.

I went back to my apartment and kept thinking about the two buildings. Again, the more I thought about next year, the more I didn’t want to stay in this building. I would stay in the same apartment (the smallest on campus), work with one of the same grads, and sit at the same desk in the same office. I’m just ready for something new. At the same time, I have a lot of loyalty for this building which often gets a bad rap on campus. And I really didn’t want to let my supervisor down. After thinking about it all night, I decided I had to talk to my supervisor about how I was feeling.

The next morning, I went into her office and she said she wanted to talk to me about placement. She told me I would be staying here next year. I took a deep breath and said everything I needed to say. That I knew that my staying might be best for the building but wasn’t sure it was the best for me. That I have a lot of loyalty to the building and would work my ass off if I stayed but that I thought the other building might be the better choice for me. I could tell she was upset and she told me that she had thought about me when she was making the decision and thought I wouldn’t be as happy with the move as I thought. That I would be bored in the new building and I might struggle with a smaller staff and less friendly supervisor. She encouraged me to talk to the supervisor for the other building and get a better idea of what working there is like. She reminded me that everyone’s placement is tentative and I still could be moved. Now, I’m more confused than ever. I guess I just need to trust that I will have a great experience either way and that whatever happens is for a reason.

I know that the building I work in probably doesn’t seem that important, but for me I only have these two years to figure out what I want to do professionally and to learn as much as I can before my first professional job. Plus, it’s been really frustrating to watch everyone else celebrate getting their first choice placement and excitedly talking and planning for the next year while I still feel like I’m in limbo. To top it off, I’m really sad that my supervisor, who I’ve gotten so close to and has been the only real mentor for me at this big school, is leaving. It’s just a lot to think about.

On the bright side, there are only five days left in February.

Having a bad February day like me? Or just any kind of bad day? Visit fmylife.com--it's hilarious and will make you feel a little better about your own situation.

Takin' Care of Business #12

2009-02-15T17:52:00.000-08:00

Alot has been going on in my life lately...

The whole interviewing for summer internships/practicums thing is over! I'm glad to say that from the 5 schools I talked to, I got at least one offer. I'll be going to Texas for 2 months for a NODA internship. Exciting stuff! I've never done summer orientation before, so this is going to be very new and interesting too.

This semester hasn't really set in for me. Though some of my classes were interesting to me when I read their titles, the course content has been fustrating. I hate going to class some days. My cohort has been scattered around to other classes (since now we have more liberty in choosing what classes to take), and now I'm having classes with 2nd year grads from my program as well as PhD students. I feel like I'm incompetent--again...same thing when I first started going to school here.

Then there is this other thing bugging me. I'm taking a class called "College Students and the Law" and we had to go attend this presentation at my campus about facebook, myspace, and the likes of that nature. The presenter [C.L. Lindsey] came to speak to our students in a presentation called "Online Trouble". I don't know how many times I've heard horror stories from my parents about not putting my personal information out there when I talk to strangers. They used to be very concerned about me wanting to "chat online" with friends. I was 18 at the time, and didn't know much about the world, and had internet access for the first time when I started going to college. Anyways, this guy showed us some pictures he found online of students from my campus underage drinking, playing beer pong, smoking weed, and things of that nature. He also told us of some people who "hooked up" over myspace and facebook--stories that ended with kidnap and murder. The othe big surprise was that he mentioned that it's easy to hack into people's myspace accounts, and that you can Google the instructions. My face went "??????" Also, the other thing that got me thinking--about 90,000 registered sex offenders got booted off of myspace for trying to pose as young kids. After that presentation, I contemplated deleting my myspace account. Not sure if I'm going to...I have to think it over some more.

The same thing is happening to me now. I'm being lectured constantly from people like my supervisor about what I put online. My supervisor called to my attention that I shouldn't be sharing my feelings abou summer internships on a public forum such as facebook. My supervisor says "Don't you remeber what C.L. Lindsey said in his presentation about employers checking people's facebook when they apply for jobs?" I was asked by someone about my status that day which was "...either way I'm heading back to the Lone Star State". The person asked "What's wrong with TX?" Someone else asked "Why are you moving to TX for?" (thinking that I was already done with grad school). When I replied I mentioned "I wasn't exactly aiming for the South this summer, but I'm glad I got an offer". The school that interviewed me that offered me the position...they asked during my interview why was their school #3 on my listing on the NODA website? If you're familiar with NODA, you're allowed to only pick 8 schools to apply to. To this school, #3 is high up there. And I did hold them high in standards as well. Why my boss is making a fuss over it, I have no clue? Then I limited the access of what he can see on my facebook. Not like I'm scared or anything because I have nothing to hide. I'm a good person, a good student, and a good employee...My facebook is clean. I've always had it that way. I was a student leader at my undergrad. I was a Greek and I was an RA. I know what kidn of things are not supposed to be on my profile. And it's not like I engaged in that kind of wild behavior anyways during college. I NEVER had pictures of me with alcohol or partying on my facebook. My profile has always been clean. If you would ever look my tagged pictures, the vast majority of them are of me dancing. Well...I was a dance minor. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to dance. It says so on my profile. Now, it's not like I'm dancing up on poles or dancing on tables or things like that. Why should my pictures even cause any worry? Why would anyone want to take salsa dancing "out of context"?

At the end of last semester my classmates and I decided to have a bar crawl to celebrate our first semester completed. We made shirts and planned this out to the every possible detail. We asked ourselves about the "What ifs" and the "out of context" questions. We never mentioned what program we were, we never mentioned our institution on the shirt, we didn't invite anyone underage or who was an undergrad, we stayed away from places that undergrad students go to, we decided to have our bar crawl early during the day...we just made the mistake of taking pictures. We're grad students, ok? We don't get drunk anymore because we're too tired. Some of us were never big partyers anyways. The pictures got posted on facebook, none of them were bad. We had one picture of all of us raising our glasses to toast, we took other group photos with each other, some of them included glasses on the table of the restaurant/pubs and other places we visited. They were not bad at all. None of us really drink that much. Somehow, news of this got mentioned to the head of our department. Someone who is friends on facebook with them decided to snitch on us. Next Monday, the first year grads got an email from the head of out program asking us "whose idea was it? and that this was unethical and unprofessional behavior". I about hit the roof, because the pictures were not bad...we took a group photo, no glasses or drinks in our hands, but just because it says bar crawl on the shirt, you're going to get mad? Like really? I'm not 5 anymore. I'm not some child to be scolded at. Nonetheless, pictures were removed and untagged, our feelings a little hurt, some of us were angry, some of us didn't care because we didn't do anything wrong, some of us thought whether or not being in this field was worth it...alot of things went through our brains. It really did ruin my finals week at school.

On another note: Today I uploaded some photos from Valentine's Day. One of my neighbors (another grad) got married yesterday and I was invited to their mini reception at a restaurant. They had a DJ there playing music. Well, I took lots of pics of people dancing and things of that nature. I tagged some friends and new ones I had made at the reception. I got a message from one of the guys about taking down some pics of him dancing because he didn't want them floating in cyberspace. He mentioned how that was an "intimate" moment in his life and he didn't want his professors or his students to see them because they would take them "out of context". I understand his issue, but his photos were not bad. If he's getting down, I think there is no problem with that. I got lots of pictures where I'm doing that. It's not like he's dancing up on a table. Why do people have to freak out about this kind of stuff?

Well, I did as he requested...I deleted some of the photos he was in. I looked at my tagged photos. I had approximately 1,300 pictures of myself up on facebook. I see it as like my entire life is one there. Because I'm paranoid now with people telling me stuff about "out of context" I untagged myself from about 30 pictures: these included pictures of me where I didn't look cute, pictures of me with alcohol (a whopping total of two), and pictures of me dancing silly. I noticed I have lots of pictures of me at karaoke bars now (it's amongst my new hobbies). I don't think karaoke should be taken "out of context" despite the numerous ads for beers in the background of some of these photos. I'm at a bar, I don't have a drink in my hand--just a microphone...what do people think I'm supposed to do for fun around here? I'M 22!!!! I'm not going to sit at home at read all the time. My profile still is quite clean than other people I have seen (i.e. like some of my students).

Anyways: here's the dilemma...Despite facebook and all of its privacy settings that I already have imposed on it since way back when...and no matter how much I delete stuff from it...would I be better off without a profile to avoid any of these stupid comments from people about "Well, other professionals can take that out of context".

Should I get rid of my facebook? I'm thinking to myself "There is no way on God's earth I'm going to do that!" That's 4 years worth of my life that would be gone...4 years of building up a network, of keeping in touch with friends who are too busy to call, 4 years of good memories (the pictures), 4 years that it took to find classmates I used to be friends with in grade school, 4 years worth life--vanished (well, I don't know where my facebook info goes after it gets deleted). Should I just remove the tagged photos, the events, the groups, and photo albums from my profile and just leave the wall?

Technology, my friends, is going to be the demise of society...we have become so reliant on using the internet, our cell phones, TVs, radios, computers...when was the last time anyone wrote a letter by hand? You don't even have to send Holiday cards anymore, you can just click a button and send it as an email. The only phone number I remember on my cell phone is my parents' house, and my sister's cell phone (because she's my emergency contact person). Other than that...I don't know anyone's number by heart or have to look it up in an address book like in the old days. Technology is wonderful and great to contact people, to get things done faster, to entertain us...I just keep wondering about those people--other college students and myself--that check facebook several times a day? Honestly, what would I do without a facebook? I would have more time of my hands, but I'd be so lost. How will I know about my students' events? or campus events? or when my best friends are getting engaged? or someone had a relative who past away?

check this out

2009-02-11T19:51:00.000-08:00

My boyfriend passed this Web site along to me and I think it could be really helpful to grads looking at internships or professional positions. The Web site has video tours of campuses all over the country and is very user friendly. It seems like the Web site may be fairly new so not all campuses or features are available yet, but I already found it to be useful!

Here's the link:

http://youniversitytv.com/beta/index.php

--It's a Res Hall Blogger

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 12

2009-02-11T19:49:00.000-08:00

Today is the big day.

7 a.m. I wake up feeling excited, nervous, worried. Luckily, I set my own office hours so I can go back to sleep. When I finally ignore the anxious feeling in my belly enough to go back to sleep, I dream that I get no offers.

9 a.m. I wake up again feeling disoriented but thankful that the dream is not reality. I’m nervous it might be an omen of things to come.

10:58 a.m. I’m watching MTV to try to calm my nerves and keep me distracted. I’m not sure that it’s working. Gs and Gents just isn’t my thing (But after ten minutes I’m rooting for Blue!)

10:59 a.m. I practice saying “hello” out loud just to make sure I don’t have that phlegmy morning voice. Is anyone going to call?

11:00 a.m. “I’m fly like paper, get high like planes…” My ringtone! Someone is calling. It’s a school in Florida. I’m slightly surprised but excited. She gives me 24-hours to make a decision.

11:02 a.m. My phone rings again. It’s another Florida school. It looks like I might be getting a really great tan this summer.

In the next few minutes, I receive two more offers. Two are for ACUHO-I internships and two for NODA internships. I’m grateful that I received ANY offers but a little bummed that I didn’t hear from my top three choices.

4 p.m. I get a missed call and a voicemail from one of my top three schools. I’m excited, but I’m not sure I want to be second or third choice even at a school I’m really interested in.

9:15 p.m. I’m finally done with the Wednesday gauntlet of meetings, meetings, meetings, class, and meetings. I’ve barely had time to think about where I want to go and I have about 14 hours to make a decision. There’s so much to consider. I feel like the residence life internships may be a little too much like what I’m already doing so I’m leaning toward a NODA internship.

I called my boyfriend. He’s in student affairs as well and accepted an internship offer right away. He’s slightly relieved that I’m not going to be in Alaska for the summer. He accepted a position at a school in Florida which is making my two Florida choices more and more attractive. But still, I want to make this decision for me.

I called my mom. She wants me to go to the prestigious east coast school because it has a big name. I explain to her that while the university has a great academic reputation it might not be the best experience for me. She wants me to be close to home. I remind her that I spent a summer in New York and she never came to visit. After talking to my mom I know I have to make this decision for me.

The whole time I’m thinking, I’m wondering where I am in relation to Perry’s dualism, multiplism, relativism, and commitment. And right now, I am a little upset with Perry. I guess he would say I’m being multiplistic because I think any of these decisions could be equally beneficial. Sure, I’ve weighed the pros and cons of each and thought rationally about the choices. Honestly, I think that although the internships are all very different, I could grow and learn from each of them. And while I don’t want someone else to just give me the answer, it sure would be nice to know which one would have the greatest, most positive impact on my life. Does that really mean I’m not cognitively developed? Ugh.

9:30 p.m. There’s only one solution I can think of at the moment. I’m headed to the gym to figure this out the best way I know how—with sweat and a lot of time to think. Hopefully by tomorrow morning I will feel fully committed and excited about my decision.

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 11

2009-02-06T16:27:00.000-08:00

I remember my first computer. It had one of those big disk drives for the disks with the holes in the middle. It also had a printer that used the paper with the edges that you tore off and threw in the trash. I think it had Word Perfect. There was no internet. I wouldn’t join Facebook for another 10 years…

These days, I can’t imagine life without a computer. I have a prehistoric laptop that has a floppy drive and no wireless internet capability, so I use the desktop computer in my office all the time. I use it to check and write emails, follow up on incidents in the building, do occupancy, keep in touch with friends and family, the list goes on and on and on. I’m even typing this blog on the computer right now.

Lately, however, my computer has become a pain in my butt. First of all, the computer turns off at 2 a.m. every morning so it can back up files. I get that this is important, but so is my late night scramble to finish homework for the next day. Don’t even get me started on what I’m supposed to do if there’s an incident after 2 a.m. in my building full of 1,000 18-20 year-olds. And then there’s Norm, the IT guy for our department whose name I have changed to protect his true identity. Think of Norm as a mama bear and all of our computers as his baby bears. Norm gets pretty upset if anything happens to his cubs. Norm also has his babies protected from letting us download any useful programs (like Adobe Acrobat to help make forms or Real Player so that we can watch videos in the office). Norm also won’t let us use flash drives which is consistently inconvenient.

Recently, Norm has taken it to a whole new level. Anytime I forget to log off my computer, Norm will send an email about my environmentally-unfriendly incompetency to my supervisor, my supervisor’s supervisor, and my supervisor’s supervisor’s supervisor (is that confusing yet?). It may sound ridiculous to you but sometimes it’s seriously hard to remember to log off my computer. Sometimes, I am interrupted with serious situations and don’t end up returning to my computer until much later or the next day. As far as being green, the computer is still in sleep mode so it could be more wasteful. Anyway, the bottom line is that I don’t think my success at work hinges on whether or not I sometimes forget to log off my computer. I’m also almost certain that all of these supervisor’s have more important things to do than worry about my less-than-perfect log-off track record. Well, except for the one who keeps giving my direct supervisor helpful suggestions to remind me to log off (none of which have worked).

I’ve thought of several smart ass ways to respond to Norm. One involves emailing him (and carbon copying all the supervisors) every time I log off correctly. One involves giving him a piece of my mind which includes asking how he would like it if I rubbed all of his mistakes in his face. Yet another includes telling Norm that I would be more likely to log off if our out-of-date computers didn’t take three hours to reset and informing a certain supervisor that perhaps I could remember to log off if I wasn’t working a million hours a week. None of which I actually have the guts to do.

I’ve decided to be an adult and call Norm to talk this one out. I’ll see if maybe he can put a timer on my workstation that logs me off after thirty minutes of inactivity. In the meantime, I’ll just leave this on while I run to the gym…

Takin' Care of Business #11

2009-01-31T23:22:00.000-08:00

For the past week many of us grads in Student Affairs have been scheduling phone interviews to get a summer internship. I too have been on the boat trying to find a cool place to work at for the summer. This whole crazy busy time feels like when I was applying for grad school last year. It reminds me of when I went to OPE (Oshkosh Placement Exchange)...well, maybe not as nerve wracking. I mean...it is an interview over the phone, so it's not that bad.

When I was applying for assistantships last year at OPE, I let schools contact me. I never went and sought an institution out. I thought that with applying for Housing jobs with ACUHO-I and Orientation ones with NODA I would at least get like 20 e-mails from people wanting me to work for them, just like it had happened for me during OPE. Well...not so much. I've had a few schools contact me and so the search for a summer internship has been dwindling down.

What I've been trying to look for are things that I have limited experience in. I want to be a "Jack of all Trades" and I want to be well rounded in all areas of Student Affairs. That is why I chose Summer Conferencing, Summer Orientation, Parent Services, and community college experiences as practicum options. This past week I had 2 interviews...one school in Georgia for ACUHO-I, and a school in New York for NODA. I was going to have an interview with a school in Indiana on Thursday, but it got rescheduled for next week because they are without power because of the ice storms they had earlier this week.

On that note...I was ready at 3:30 p.m. Central Time, just as our e-mails had stated for Thursday, waiting by the phone in my office to have my interview. I waited, and waited. Then 15 minutes go by, and nothing happens. I'm staring the phone down, willing it to ring with my mind. I walk over to my Supervisor's office and ask "So when doing a phone interview, the school is supposed to call the interviewee, right?" My boss was like "Yes, why?" and so when I explained what was going on and how freaked out I was getting, he told me that myabe they were just running behind on their schedule. So I sat in my office, watching last week's episode of "Grey's Anatomy" waiting...4 p.m. comes around, I check my e-mail to see if I have an update from this school, but nothing is there. I checked my cell phone to see if they had called me there, but no missed calls and the volume is up at its highest. 4:15 p.m...still waiting...4:30 p.m. "that's why we're waiting--waiting--waiting for the world to change" (sorry, had a John Mayer moment). My office closes at 4:30 p.m. and so I grab my stuff and head out to get some dinner before class starts. I was so confused, and sad, and upset. I kept thinking "Oh my God, they forgot about me" and "What if they found someone else?" When I got to class, some of my peers were asking what was wrong with me, and I told them what had just happened. They all thought it was crummy if the school had forgotten about me. Some of my peers had experienced the same thing with other schools, who set a time to interview but didn't call until later. Well...everything was fine the next day when I saw my inbox. The person who was going to interview me sent me an e-mail through her BlackBerry explaining the electricty problem. So we are going to do this interview next week. Hopefully, this all works out.

My interview with the school in Georgia was bad. It was my first one of the season, and so I felt very anxious and nervous. My interview the following day with the school in New York went much better. I'm really looking foward to hearing from them next week to see if I make it to the second round of interviews. There was another school that I was highly interested in New York, but they haven't contacted me. To tell you the truth, the majority of the schools that I picked out for NODA haven't contacted me. Just the NY school I interviewed with, and another one in Illinois who happened to just send me a letter saying that they were NOT going to interview me. Something about they were only going to interview 5 people, and I didn't make the cut. You spent money on a stamp and paper to tell me you don't want to talk to me??? What the heck?! Couldn't you just send an e-mail? Way to go with their sustainability plan...and sorry if I sound bitter (I mean, hellooooo, 5 people--seriously?), but an e-mail would have sufficed. Tree killers.

Only time will tell...well, I'll know on February 11th. Hopefully, things work out. I have somewhat of a fallback plan. I contacted the community college I used to attend in Texas, and they have an opening for an intern in their TRIO/Passkey Program which works with first generation students and underrepresented groups. I'm pretty sure this internship is unpaid, so that might be a problem. The only bright side to going back to Texas this summer would be that I wouldn't have to pay for rent or food because I would be living at home with my parents. Downside is I'm going to have to take my car (at my house we have transportation problems)...and driving to TX is not a fun trip. I did it once when I first moved up to Iowa for undergrad, and I didn't drive that time because I didn't have a licence and I went with 10 other students in my scholarship program. But that was the longest trip of my life. I'm really hoping for the school in New York to offer me a job. I want to get an East Coast experience and leave the MidWest for a while. It's NY! Of all places, me going back to NY after a 14 year absence. Going back to where I was born. Trying to make a connection with that part of me that I don't have anymore. It would be so awesome!!!

Anyways, let's see if I took care of business well when February 11 arrives. Wish me luck :)

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 10

2009-01-27T20:25:00.000-08:00

I’ll be spending the next few weeks focusing on acronyms. ACUHO-I. NODA. OFYE. It may sound like teenage texter lingo, but to those of us in student affairs, those words mean so much more. Right now, I get to decide how I’m going to spend three months of my life this summer. I have to sift through information such as dates negotiable, travel reimbursed, meals provided, recreation center access.

So, let the phone interviews commence. If you’ve never done a phone interview, let me be the first to tell you it’s just a little bit awkward. I mean, I’m not sure I feel completely comfortable interviewing in person but it doesn’t get much better on the phone. Sometimes, schools interview me on speakerphone and I can just barely make out what they’re asking. Sometimes, I can’t judge when a person on the other end is going to speak and I end up interrupting. And, inevitably, I’ll get another call and have to cross my fingers that the interviewers can’t hear that annoying beeping.

My first phone interview this year was with a school on the west coast. The interviewers were very friendly and we even had a few mutual connections. Things were going swell until they informed me that it would be a behavioral interview. This means they would ask me six questions related to how I behave in specific situations. I was directed to explain a specific example of a related situation, how I handled the situation, and the results of the situation. For example:

West Coast Academy: Tell us about a time you felt like you’ve let someone down.
Me: Well, recently I’ve had scheduling conflicts with an RA and haven’t been able to meet with her one-on-one to complete her RA evaluation. I knew she was becoming frustrated because she wanted to get feedback from me and from her residents. I felt like I was letting her down. I have talked with her about the scheduling conflict, and we were finally able to find a mutually agreeable time to meet this week. I apologized and told her I understood her frustrations. She seemed happy that we would be able to meet.
West Coast Academy: How could you tell she was upset?
Me: She sighed and seemed disappointed. I also picked up on nonverbal cues. Just the look on her face made me think she was upset.
West Coast Academy: Can you be more specific?
Me: Uhhh….

I remember doing a behavioral interview in the past. I don’t remember sucking so badly. The interviewers kept asking me to me to be more specific even though I felt like I was being very thorough. Did they want specific dates and times? Should I just use another example? Should I expect a call on February 11^th? I doubt it.

My second interview went ok. Finally, today, a good interview. I guess the third time is the charm. This time, I talked one-on-one with the Director of Orientation. We talked for ten minutes before the interview even began. I felt like we had a lot in common and I like she genuinely cared about getting to know me. The school is doing second interviews so I’m just keeping my fingers crossed.

I have another seven interviews scheduled for Thursday and Friday and I’m hoping I feel like I have a good fit with some other schools. I already sent out apology emails to EIGHTEEN schools I felt uninterested in, so I’m really hoping that I’ll get at least one offer. For right now, IDK.

Takin' Care of Business #10

2009-01-19T20:42:00.001-08:00

So here's the run down of what I did during Winter Break: went home to Texas, hung out with my parental units, slept, ate, and came back to Illinois. The most laid back 3 weeks I have ever had. It was glorious to take a break and go someplace warm. When I returned home (after a one year absence) a couple things were different like our house (it was a different color now), my sister's old car was gone, my brother and sister's kids were like 4 inches taller...small things that I noticed. Even I was different with my bad habits that I have retained from my college/graduate school lifestyle (like skipping breakfast and lunch) or using the theories of student development that I learned in the Fall in every other conversation with adults ("Why yes, that's what we call challenge and support"). It was weird. Look at what 2008 had done to me...I'm a different person.

And so I return back to IL early before all the students come back...and as soon as I get to my car at the airport--it wouldn't start. Father Winter decided to give me a hard time by killing my car's battery. Welcome to IL (insert me crying here)! Then after 2 1/2 hours of wandering around the airport and calling the few people I knew in town to come help me, a classmate came to my rescue. I returned to my crummy apartment, and I opened my mailbox...I got bills! Lots of them! :( Again...Welcome to IL (insert sarcasm)! I also have encountered some computer problems since my arrival back to school (my PC is 5 years old and is seeing it's last days alive). Welcome to IL (insert a sigh and a tone of defeat)!

Going back to work was weird the first week since there were no students around. It was so quiet. Then last week, they were all back...and you could hear the hustle and bustle of students swarming my office. It was great! 2 of my classes were canceled because one of my professors wasn't back from his Break yet. Then we had a snow day (which as a student, it makes me feel like it's Christmas morning again). I made it to a personal record in my "Walking around in cold weather" book with a low of -34 degrees with windchill. Yeah...welcome to IL (insert the sniffles and chattering teeth)!

I'm looking foward to my new classes this week. Excited. Nervous. Stressed. Freaked out. All of the above. Since the new semester began, I decided to make some life changes. Not like resolutions, but life changes...going about my day in a different manner. This includes eating and not skipping meals, and sleeping more, and making honest adjustments (like using a planner for once because I am the Master of Procrastination).

My assistantship had a training for the new semester, and we had to share our academic, professional, and personal goals with each other. I was not really up for sharing my personal goals (because that's why they are personal and should be kept to yourself). However, one of my personal goals was to make more friends. The coordinator for my office laughed at me. I don't think it was to make fun of my goal, but more of a "For real?" kind of laugh.

The other GA who works with me, and I, attempted to state our case on the issue of our friendships with undergraduate students. The other grad has been here since freshman year, and so some of her friends are still undergrads. I'm the new girl in town, and every time I meet a student at a function or event, they're undergrads. Even students that I work closely with are undergrads. Sometimes I get asked to go "Hang Out" at the local bar or go dancing or the occasional invite to a house party, and I have to say no.

I kept telling myself that "I need to go hang out with people my own age", and I realized...I'm 22!!!! People my age are still undergrads!!!! And although I have always been a big advocate of student involvement on campus: I can't get involved in anything because I work all day and go to class at night! There is no happy medium in this situation. So I proposed to everybody in my office to help me find a hobby. I need to find something to balance out school and work because that's ALL that I do. Nobody has come up with any good ideas yet. I'm hoping that I can find something soon where I can meet more grad students. If you...yes, the one reading this blog right now...if you have any good ideas of what kind of stuff I can do for fun or for the sake of learning or know of a place where I can meet people...please write a comment below. All suggestions are appreciated :)

I know, I know...it's the never ending battle of the dualistic grad student in transition. But I'm hoping 2009 will bring many good things my way. And I do hope to make more friends along the way. I don't care how silly it sounds. I got to find some reason to make the next year and a 1/2 more enjoyable. I need to take care of business if I'm going to enjoy this graduate school experience at all. I know, and everyone knows, that I don't like living here in this town where I am currently at. I've done all I can to befriend people in my program. My cohort is awesome! But I need and want to meet people outside of my program with other interests in life than to work with college students. I need to build my support system in order to have a more successful transition...and if you don't believe me, look up Nancy Schlossberg's Transition Theory. Situation: new environment (got that down--doing better in it). Self: still feeling a bit blue (but doing better because I'm being compliant with everything and getting motivated to make this situation work). Strategy: finding a hobby (put myself out there to meet people...see where I'm getting at?). Support: classmates (but that's it...I need to get more support going, with people that are different from me). Oh that Nancy Schlossberg! She sure knew what she was talking about when she came up with Transition Theory. It applies to every new change in your life, and that's why she is my favorite theorist :)

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 9

2009-01-14T22:47:00.000-08:00

Ever since a gentleman at a conference-sponsored mentor dinner asked me in November, “What risks have you taken lately?” I’ve been trying to reflect on how much risk I really take in my life and in my assistantship. Not the Johnny Knoxville wax-your-eyebrow-hair-completely-off type risks, but the kind that delivers new experience and new insight. I think because I’ve been so focused on learning this job, adapting to a new campus, forming good relationships with my RAs, I haven’t really taken a lot of risks. In other words, I haven’t taken risks to avoid the risk of failing or looking like an idiot. If this past week is any indication, hopefully that will all change this semester.

This week began with winter training for housing staff. The schedule for the first day included recreation time for everyone. A bunch of people, including many of my friends, organized a large dodge ball game. At first, I sat on the bench and cheered on my friends. They encouraged me to play but honestly, I’ve never really liked dodge ball. As a general rule, I don’t like people throwing things at me. I also don’t like looking like an idiot when I get hit by a speeding foam ball in front of twenty of my peers. So for a while I watched my friends play dodge ball, grateful that I never had to be the last man standing with ten balls hurtling at my midsection.

After a couple games, a RA from my building sat next to me and said if I played the next game she would, too. I decided to give it a shot. So I headed onto the dodge ball court with fear in my heart to the cheering of all my friends. I’m not going to lie. I sucked. I was out after about one minute in the first game. After about four games I was having fun. I was dodging balls and even caught a few to get teammates back in the game. And you know what? I had fun. I think I learned more from that dodge ball game than from any of the other training sessions. Hopefully in the future I won’t take myself out of the game before I’ve even given myself a chance.

That dodge ball game gave me the confidence to take other risks. I’ve tried very hard this week to speak my mind and voice my opinions which are often drowned out by the strong personalities I work with. I’ve also let my guard down a little more with my RAs and been friendlier and goofier. This week, I really felt like I was myself. I don’t know why it’s taken my so long to get there.

Also, I’ve decided to be a little more risky in my choices for internships this summer. Although I’ve had an internship away from home before, I haven’t ventured too far out of my comfort zone. This year, I’m pulling out all the stops. No location will be left unconsidered: Alaska, Qatar, Canada, even Alabama. I’m really up for anything. I just want to find an internship that sounds exciting and challenging. Hopefully, taking a few risks when it comes to internships will give me the best experience possible. Plus, it just makes me feel stronger to do things I think I can’t.

I’m encouraging everyone to take a few risks this semester. Dance while other people are watching. Join an organization you would not normally be interested in. Speak up in class if you’re usually quiet. Ask out that hot guy from campus activities. Yes, it involves some chance. You might find out you really do hate dodge ball. But you never know, it just might change your life.

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 8

2008-12-24T23:16:00.001-08:00

The first time I stayed in a dorm was my sophomore year of high school. I went to a journalism camp (yes, I was a huge newspaper geek) at the University of Missouri. The dorm was everything I had hoped it would be with its community bathrooms, uncomfortable twin beds, and bats (not the baseball kind). I was still dreaming of winning Pulitzers and had no idea the role this type of building would play in my life.

Two years later, I moved away to college and into the Honors/Scholars dorm. I lived in a room by myself and shared the suite with my RA. It turned out that I was the only honors student on a floor of late admit students. It was a year to remember. Everyone on my floor was either drunk or naked most of the time and I think I remember two programs that my RA did. One was a scavenger hunt and the other involved making quesadillas.

Everything would change my sophomore year. I became an RA and learned all about planning programs, being on duty, working the desk, and of course the difference between a residence hall and a dormitory. I also learned that in residence life, we have the best stories. I’ll always remember:

My first alcohol bust. The room had a tent set up in it and a cooler full of beer. I’m still friends with the guy I busted.

Floor feuding. My first year as an RA my residents feuded with another floor in the building and kept playing pranks like putting trashcans of water against people’s doors. They had a particularly nasty vendetta against the RA on that floor and loved to break policies while she was on duty. She had recorded a CD and some of my residents got a hold of it, played it very loudly, and called in their own noise complaint so she would have to confront them. In the spring, there was a lice outbreak on that floor and I returned home to find that my residents had made posters with louse drawings and sayings like, “Bitches get itches.” I tried very hard not to laugh as I scolded my residents and confiscated the posters.

Those crazy boys. My second year as an RA I had a floor of almost all guys. They were great and I got to be very good friends with several of them. One night, I got a call that there was blood all over the building. A minute later, two guys knocked on my door and asked if I had a band-aid. I put two and two together and figured out that my resident (obviously drunk) was responsible for the blood in the hall. He helped me figure it out by getting it all over my bedroom and bathroom. He had punched a glass door on the second floor because he was upset about a girl.

My staffs. Every year I thought I had the best staff and every year it just got better. From a silly initiation ceremony we made up one year in the laundry room to all-nighters and RA parties, a lot of the people I was on staff with are still my best friends.

My first semester as Hall Director has just given me more great stories. From crazy residents to my first real fire, I already have a lot of hilarious (and scary) memories. I’m seriously considering pitching a reality TV show to MTV. It could be called “The Dorm” and feature the staff of a residence hall. We wouldn’t even need to fake the drama.

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 7

2008-12-22T00:07:00.000-08:00

After seventeen years in school I guess old habits die hard. I mean, I tried to be a better student this semester. I started off strong, taking my Hello Kitty notebooks to class and keeping detailed notes. I even was up-to-date on the class reading for a while. But sometime between the first fire alarm in my building and the annual Christmas party at a professor’s house, I lost a little bit of that drive. So, of course, last week was the academic week from hell.

Against all the incessant urgings of my know-it-all (in an annoying big brother type of way) coworker, I decided to co-write a paper for my history class. I probably wouldn’t have written the paper with anyone else, but my best friend in the program asked me to so I decided to give it a shot. Honestly, we started earlier together than either of us would have started alone. Regardless, we stayed up until 5 a.m. on Saturday, slept, then got back up and worked for a whopping 29 hours straight finishing the paper. On the plus side: I learned a lot, I ate breakfast at IHOP. I can now say I’ve been up at 7 a.m. for a reason other than a fire alarm, AND our paper wasn’t half bad. Now I’m just hoping for that A so I can give my coworker a big, fat “I told you so!”

I was up again just two days later working on a paper for my Intro class. But, the worst of all was finishing a semester-long group project to build our very own college. I’ve never really hated group work. Until now. There was a non-traditional grad in our group who liked to butt heads with everyone, especially me. We would decide on an idea as a group and later, she would try and explain why it was a bad idea and her idea was better. She also liked to have input on everyone else’s ideas (usually negative). And of course, what would a great group member be without a little bit of a controlling streak? Anyway, at least she worked hard. And the professor has already turned in our grades so I’m happy to say my first grade in grad school is an A. I earned it in this class for sure. I’m just crossing my fingers for no more group work.

So the week was stressful and I probably gained about 10 pounds from all the pizza I consumed, but I still learned a lot. I learned that I can work really well in the right group or the wrong group even though one is way more frustrating than the other. More importantly, I learned where the library is on campus and how to navigate its 900 floors. I also learned that grad students can check out library books for four months at a time, slightly disturbing if you know my track record with overdue library books.

Despite having a better understanding of the Dewey Decimal System, APA style, and the local pizza scene, I’m still planning to put “be a better student” at the top of my list of goals for 2009. Maybe it will work this time around.

Takin' Care of Business #9

2008-12-17T14:41:00.000-08:00

Oh finals week....
The most dreaded time of the year.

I know that a major in Student Affairs/Higher Ed Administration/Higher Ed Policy...the numerous names for what we do...we have lots of papers and projects. However, I didn't have any tests this semester. That is one of the weird things of this new academic adventure of grad school. I haven't had any tests. No more multiple choice, fill in the blanks, or True and False questions. Just lots of essays...short ones, long ones, research papers worth. It's odd. I am getting used to this writing a paper every week thing. And I'm amazed at my becoming a scholarly writer.

So my finals were pretty smooth this semester...2 major papers, and 2 presentations. The papers killed me. I stressed alot about it. Writing something, deleting it after, thinking that my ideas weren't good enough. But I pulled through. The grades for my 3 classes were posted today: 2 A's and a B. I was so proud of myself. I worked hard. I cried. I complained. I whined. I stressed. I prevailed :) and all harmony is restored in the universe and the world is as it should be once more.

Anyways, during Thanksgiving Break I worked on my papers, day in and night out, and as I was hyped on caffeine (and because lack of sleep makes me a bit delusional) I came up with a little song to describe finals week. It snowed that day and I got into the Holiday cheer, so I came up with my own version of "My Favorite Things" (a song made popular by Julie Andrews in the film The Sound of Music--which I always wonder why they make this a Holiday song, when in the scene where the song is performed it's not the Holidays). So enjoy my rendition called "Grad school things"...

Research, and essays, and Microsoft Word
Typing ideas that need to be heard
So in the library, now I will sing...
This is just one of those grad school things

It's snowing outside, and there's no more sun
I want to go play, it looks like it's fun
But back to my readings, a loud whistle rings
This is just one of those grad school things

(Chorus)
When this week's done, I'll go party
I won't feel so bad
I simply remember these dreaded things
and realize I'm a grad :)

Group work, and teamwork, and work just for me
Mountains of paper are all that I see
Check-out some books, a bell will go "ding"
This is just one of those grad school things

Projects, presenting, and just passing by
If I fail one class, I think I would cry
Finals are here, so cut off my strings
This is just one of those grad school things

(Chorus)
When this week's done, I'll go party
I won't feel so bad
I simply remember these dreaded things
and realize I'm a grad :)

Takin' Care of Business #8

2008-12-10T09:32:00.000-08:00

So, this is a little something I wrote on facebook.com a few weeks ago about how I saw life going through graduate school. I've been keeping a sort of blog there too about my new adventures for my friends to keep up with me back at the undeegrad. I call my little notes "Life Lessons" because I like to see everyday situations as an educational component to my life. It is so worth it to wake up in the mornings when you know you learned something about life. This is an analogy, so bare with me. I was trying to make a point. Hope it makes sense to all of you who read this blog...I named this one "Life--> A Different type of Road Trip"

There comes a time in your life when you start to realize that dwelling on the past is making your present a bit gray. Gray is not a fun color. I should know. I'm going into Student Affairs as my career.

Gray means unknown.

Gray is a place where ideas are muddled and unclear and everything is just confusing and complicated....ah, gray...it's so fustrating and annoying.

It's like driving in a snow storm. You can't see what's 5 feet in front of you and you're in a hurry to get home where it's warm and secure, and as fast as you try to go, you know that for your safety you have to take it slow; and even then, it feels like your tires are getting stuck in mounds of snow and you hit the brakes just a little because you feel unsure and you just start skidding on some ice...and then [CRASH!] there was another car ahead of you.

OK, so I painted that story a bit grim...but knowing that winter is coming up sooner than later, I thought I should take a bit of time to tell you all to be safe on the road. Anyways, back to the car anology...

Sometimes we find oursleves hitting the cruise control button in life, and just sailing through things. You're comfortable with cruise control. You get to enjoy more things out of life when you're sailing, like there is enough time to savor every moment. And then you realize, that you have to hit the breaks every now and then because you're afraid you will miss your exit.

I was comfortable with cruise control. Being an undergraduate student...that was the life! Going to class, chilling with my roomies, or hanging out with my sorority sisters. It was smooth sailing. But because my exit was coming up soon, I had to get a bit serious and pay attention to my road signs.

Oh wait! I have a detour..."Going to graduate school".

So here I am on another road, making my way onto a new adventure in my life. And suddenly, cruise control won't work anymore. As much as I try to speed up through this strange street that I like to call "Present day", trying to find a new way is becoming gray. The car is low on gas and my wallet is empty. And I wonder "Should I turn around and drive back?"

But here I am...stuck in a field.
No help for miles.
Cell phone isn't picking up a signal.
GPS doesn't recognize the area.
So what's a girl to do?

I realized the other day, that life was one big road trip. I still have alot of road to cover ahead of me. And as much as I want to drive back to my cruise control scenario, where life was smooth sailing...I can't. You know, you learn to drive when you're young, you get in your first accident, or you get a flat tire, or you forgot to fill up the gas tank, or in my case you filled up but [forgot to screw the cap back on]...you learn form those mistakes. And you become a better driver. And as much planning that you may do, with the GPS and the road map...sometimes the GPS doesn't have all the current information on traffic (this is worse when the weather is bad and then you get no sattelite signal). And just maybe you're not experienced in reading road maps. Maybe you took the wrong turn.

The point is: make the most out of that trip. Enjoy the ride. Put the radio on. Sing at the top of your lungs (no one is around for miles to hear you). OK, so you may be deserted in a field, but then you have to realize you have the skills within you to move on and to get yourself out of there. All the things you learned on the roads behind you should have equipped you to get by to the nearest rest area.

In the end, the trip is always worth making because you will have learned something from those mishaps. And if you really want to get where you want to be, you can't go second guessing yourself and always be asking if you should turn around and drive back to cruise control. Time doesn't work like that. You can't go back in time. You can remember it, so you can learn from it for future reference. But you can't do it over.

So, I may not find an exit for a while. But I'm gonna keep going until I find the exit to get out of my detour.

Then I'll find another road to another destination, and maybe then...it might be a smooth ride afterall (maybe cruise control may work again, but if it doesn't I always have my foot to control the pedal...so it's just as good). Who knows? There might be a car stuck on the side of the road, and I can help them. Because you'll never know what little surprises you may find ahead. Maybe the person in the car who is stuck may turn out to be a very special person later on in the rest of your trip. Maybe because you helped them, they'll help someone else down the road. A pay it foward sort of deal.

For those of you stuck in a field...get back in the car...and keep going.

Oh hey! There's a sign...."Gas station 10 miles".

See? Something good was coming ahead.

Takin' Care of Business #7

2008-12-07T11:53:00.000-08:00

For today's blog I'm saying what I need to say through music. A song that applies to me..."Do you know where you're going to?" (Theme song from the movie "Mohogany" sung by Diana Ross)...with side commentaries by me (on a review of my first semester in graduate school).

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?
* First of all, the decision to attend graduate school wasn't made until Senior Year, and I had no clue what I wanted to study. I figured that grad school was just something that you just go to. It was like whe I decided to go to college. I just did. I didn't think about it. It was not a choice to go or not go for me. It was something natural. Grad school felt that way. I ended up at this school out of a random chance, and out of necessity. Though I look at how these past 6 months of my life have been, and how completely miserable I felt then to what I feel now, I think I've made some progress. I was completely happy with my life back at the undergrad...and I didn't like what life was showing me here at grad school. Two different worlds, two different mindsets, one purpose: education.

Do you get what you're hoping for
When you look behind you there's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...?
* I thought that by going to a new state and a new school that would help me learn new things. I didn't understand this semester why learning had to be so hard. I was hoping to make new friends right away because that's just part of my personality. I meet people left and right on a daily basis because it comes easy to me. Coming to the new school, I became shy and introverted. I don't know how that happened. The strange thing was that I didn't feel like myself. I told my close friends that I felt like a part of me died when I left the undergrad. I have so many good memories attached there. I truly did find who I was by being there, and so moving to this new place (which was not my first grad school choice) really brought some emotions into perspective. Things I had never felt before because I had no particular reason to feel those things. Anger, agony, loneliness, solitude...I didn't get what I was hoping for immediately, it was gradual. Like the whole world moved on, but without me. I did make friends, and built a support system, and I know my way around campus...things are getting easier. That closed door is cracked open now.

Once we were standing still in time
Chasing the fantasies that filled our minds
You knew how I loved you but my spirit was free
Laughin' at the questions that you once asked of me
* Last year, when I was an RA, I met the best 12 individuals ever. We all quickly became friends and it seemed like we had known each other forever. I spent my whole life searching for a place to belong, and I found it at the undergrad with the other RAs. Never thought I would have a "crew" or "posse" or "clique" or whatever it is that kids are calling it these days. It was all a fantasy. That's what it seems like now. Everything went by so quickly this year. I thought I'd be super close to all of them once I was gone. But as distance has separated many of us from each other, friendships have seemed to weaken. I still love them all very much and miss them on a daily basis. Small things will spark a memory like a song on the radio, or watching someone dance, or a silly word. But sometimes, we have to make choices that we don't want to make. Ergo: me going to grad school far away. I knew that going away was going to bring me new experiences, and help me grow as a person. There is that part of me that is always looking for a new adventure...which is why I'm here today. My conscience sometimes asks me: "You are done with your first semester of grad school. What are you going to do next?!" And I think about it and answer "?!" Honestly, I don't know, but I hope to find out along the way. Spontaneity...that's my style :)

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?
*I'm not sure of how happy I am with my life right now. Graduate school has really turned me into a different person. I mentioned before how I feel like a part of me died. I know I feel different. I don't get the same kick out of things like I used to, or smile as much. And yes, I know that sounds very depressing (but I don't have a "problem"...my depressive state has passed). But maybe this is what it feels like to grow up. This is what happens when you're alone, and you have many responsibilities, and you worry about making the rent...it's adulthood. I don't like going out to party much now, I can't stay up all night like I did way back when, I get tired by 10:30 p.m. I'm different now. I'm a grown up, unfortunately. Laws of nature. It's what happens.

Now looking back at all we've planned
We let so many dreams just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long before we'll see
How sad the answers to those questions can be
*Another thing, I guess I should mention is my family life. I haven't talked much about it because I'm never home. I haven't been home since early January. I will be leaving to go home to Texas in about a week and a half. I'm very excited to see my parents. I just think of how this year has flown by, and that last time I was home was last Winter Break, and here we are again...another December, anxiously waiting for it to be the 16th. Excited to see my mom's face when she sees that I came to surprise her for her birthday. She is turning 78! (Side note: I was adopted by elders when I was 9 months old; my family is not biologically related to me). I was talking with my sister (the actual biological child--she is 48--I'm 22--Big age gap) the other day, and she was telling me how she's noticed how my parents are slowly deteriorating. My mom is getting moodier and losing her patience, as well as having more physical problems like her hearing and mobility. She says my dad is doing the same. His hearing is starting to go, and he is getting more mellow. I've noticed when I talk to my dad how he is always saying how much he loves me, and that he's glad I called and how much he enjoys hearing from me, and he even started to make ammends with my other estranged sister (she is also adopted--I'm not related to her either). And it makes me wonder if dad is approaching his death bed, and doesn't want to tell anyone. But this behavior of his, of making ammends and being more caring now (things he never did before), is really freaking me out. I now that getting old is something that happens...it's nature...we're all going to go through it. But I don't want to see my parents die slowly. I always wonder what is it going to be like if one day I called my house and mom or dad didn't know who I was, or worse...if I came home for Break and they didn't recognize me...and worse than that, that I'll get the call while I'm at school, that one of them is in the hospital. It's another pressure that's added onto me besides school, my assistantship, and building the social network. And if something were to happen, it would really crush me. I have dreams that my parents will be there when I get married and be a part of my children's lives...but I'm lucky if they'll make it to my Master's graduation.

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?
* Where am I headed now? Well, another semester of grad school is underway. I'm 1/4 of the way done with this journey. I will soon be looking for practicum sites with NODA and ACUHO-I for the summer. Many applications are due beginning January, so now during Break I have something to focus on completely and I won't have to worry about studying for classes for a while. Hopefully, I will get to be somewhere fun and learning conducive. Also, I'm hoping my financial woes get figured out soon. I'm going to apply for a student loan because I can't make ends meet with my stipend from my assistantship. Overall, I'm looking foward to 2009. But I have to say, 2008 was a GREAT YEAR! 2009 has a tough act to follow :)

Do you get what you're hoping for
When you look behind you there's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...?
*What am I hoping for in 2009: an exciting practicum experience for the summer, trying to make a difference at my assistanship, work on my study habits, getting involved on campus (join a group for fun so I can make new friends), and start living healthier (getting enough sleep, stressing less, not skipping meals, etc.)

And that ladies and gents is my analysis of the song and how it applies to me. Check out the song sometime. It's very pretty (almost reminds me of opening a wind-up jewelry box with a ballerina in it that twirls). It's a very light melody and has a nostalgic air to it. Hope you enjoy it :)

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 6

2008-11-30T21:25:00.000-08:00

Food.

Holiday Spirit.

The inescapable reality of finals.

Yep, it’s that time of year. And we’ve all been feeling the stress. I really needed to get out of this building and I haven’t been home for Thanksgiving in two years, so I decided to surprise my parents for the holiday.

I feel like there is always this expectation that going home is going to be so much better than it is. While it was nice to see my family, it was also hard. I don’t feel like my parents really know who I am anymore. They moved to the east coast three years ago and it’s hard to stay in touch. Neither of my parents went to college, so it’s hard to explain to them exactly what it is that I do (I mean, let’s face it, even college educated people don’t always understand student affairs). Lately, I feel like I talk to my parents the way some people talk to God. You know, most of the time I’m too busy, but when I’m really stressed and upset they’re the people I call. I know that sounds terrible. Well, that is terrible.

Anyway, so I went home for four days. I don’t know what I expected. There was so much I wanted to talk about with my mom and I didn’t realize until she dropped me off at the airport and I started crying in her arms that I hadn’t said much of anything. Instead, I spent a lot of time listening to my grandpa’s adventures with dentures and playing dress up with my cousins. I attempted my first cheesecake (delicious) and bought a new pair of running shoes (finally), but I didn’t hug my family enough.

While I was at home, my mom told me that she was proud of me and how “together” I am. I didn’t tell her that just because you’re getting your master’s doesn’t mean you’re together. This semester has been rough. I’m struggling to stay positive, stay in shape, stay in touch with my friends, stay up-to-date on work and school, and stay in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend who is pushing me farther away every day. Going home gave me a little break from all of that, but I’m realizing that changing locations doesn’t solve your problems. The next three weeks are going to be hard. But soon enough, I’ll be back at home and maybe this time I can really make it count.

Takin' Care of Business #6

2008-11-13T19:41:00.000-08:00

In my one-on-one with the coordinator of my unit, last month, we discussed how I needed to take more pride in my work. I guess she was thinking that I didn't really care about my assignments because I do them at the last minute. The answer resulted from a question she asked me about my writing and whether my professors have been giving me feedback on my papers. I said that they were, but she wanted to know why I wasn't improving (I've kind of reached a plateau with my grades). For some reason, I've gotten similar responses form other people. They give me this strange look because I'm not super excited about graduate school. My coordinator just gave me this look that said "You don't care?"

When I first started school in August, I thought the world was going to end because I had made it to graduate school. I was very "Oh my God! I'm here. This is so scary!" But as I began to get comfortable with my surroundings, I realized that this whole grad school business is not that bad. In fact, I fell into my routine...to me, writing critiques for my Theory class or typing up a paper discussing a critical issue in student affairs is, well, just homework to me right now. I don't see anything special about it, I don't get what the big deal is. I just simply see it as things I have to learn to get a job. Now...we've talked about "psychic income" in my classes before and how there has got to be that "something else" that makes us feel rewarded at our jobs. I feel like everything I'm learning right now will be relevant in the future when I work with students on a regular basis. But for right now, I just have my assistantship where all I do is cultural programming. And programming, well...I've done that as an RA and during my internship this past summer. I feel like I've improved with planning and creating programs, but it's not something necessarily new to me.

Like I told her during this week's one-on-one, "Everything is just a learning process for me right now", and she wants me to get into the mindset that I have skills, and I can use them (because before I was very hard on myself thinking that I had no special talents or gifts to offer). She asked me about my last critique that I wrote for Theory class and what grade did I get on it. I got a perfect score (my 2nd one the entire semester in that class). She asked me what made the difference in this grade than the ones before. I told her "We've been studying all the different racial identity development models and that's something I know about and that's why I can contribute to class discussion. I'm Hispanic. Multiculturalism has always been a part of my life. Do you know how many moves I've made in my life. From New York, to Puerto Rico, to Texas, to Iowa, and now Illinois. Multiculturalism...I live it. That's what I am". I think she liked that answer :) And well, let's just say, I think I'm totally qualified to be in my assistantship because it is the Diversity Office...and diversity constitutes everything that I've experienced in life so far.

Well, moving along...during my one-on-one meeting with my coordinator, she spent the time asking me about my ideas for practicums and what do I have going on for Finals Week. I have several major papers to write and we talked about the one for my Theory class. The final paper for that class has to deal with us making up our own theory. That seemed to be so complicated to me at the beginning of the semester when I first learned about the project. We have to select a certain population to apply our theory on. My coordinator wanted to know what were my ideas for the paper. I told her I was interested in doing my theory using graduate students for my sample. I said "I feel like in my classes all we ever focus on is on the undergrads, and nobody really ever cares about us grads...I don't know if I'll be able to use grad students for the paper--I have to ask first and make sure the theory we write isn't just about undergrads--and then I have to find a focus because, those who went to grad school straight from undergrad, are different from those who worked for a while and then went to grad school; but I haven't come up with any genius ideas yet".

During the past months, my coordinator has been trying to help me get out of my funk. I explained to her during my one-on-one, I've had a rough semester. You know what? Scratch that. I've had a rough year!!! Seriously, to whomever is reading this...I went from RAing, to finishing my senior classes, to applying to grad schools, searching for assistantships, grad school visits, conferences, multiple interviews, graduation, moving out of the residence hall, moving in with complete strangers during the summer, working full time at my internship this summer (WITHOUT PAY) until the last day I was in Iowa, to moving to Illinois the day after that, starting my assistantship the day after I moved, transitioning into grad school, missing my friends, going back to the undergrad to come back to Illinois heartbroken and depressed, to bouncing back again, and FINALLY understanding why I'm SO LUCKY to be here in graduate school....whew, that was a mouth full! When I meant is was a rough year, it really has been rough.

You see, life is a big trip...and I am in the portion of the ride where I'm making 360 degree turns and going around the loopty loops and ups and downs and spirals...this is a very exciting time in my life, yet very emotionally draining. So I kind of understand why I feel the way I do. I'm just tired (well, exhausted is more like it). I need to get away from all of this for a while. Away from school, work, new friends, old friends, missing my old life as an undergrad. I need time to recharge. Therefore, I'm looking foward to Winter Break and spending some time with my parents in Texas. Can't wait for this semester to be over! But back to my coordinator...

...my coordinator said something very interesting during my one-on-one. She explained that she was very excited to see me feeling more comfortable at this institution. She is also glad that now I have a more optimistic view about being here and about my work in class. I always go around fustrated about my assignments because when I first arrived here...I didn't have an opinion about higher education. I was barely introduced to this field about a year ago, and even so, the only aspect I really know about Student Affairs is Housing. I never thought that my experiences were valuable and so I never contributed any comments or participated in class much. I just didn't have anything to say, and my coordinator knew that I felt that way from the get-go. She tried to encourage me, but I was sticking to my guns. And although, we talk about dualism in my classes and how undergrad students want things in a black or white manner...I guess I keep falling into that concept. I want someone to tell me the right answers, but truth is there is no right or wrong answer. It's just an answer.

Going back to the subject of writing my own theory, my coordinator said that "You talk about having a genius idea, but it really is all about having a genuine idea versus a genius one; because everyone thinks that geniuses were Plato and Socrates, and really, those philosophers were just talking about their ideas and opinions. And I think you have very genuine ideas, you're on the right track". Way to go, boss, for encouraging me! haha. Way to go me! Round of applause. And so that was my "a-ha moment" of the week...I have a genuine idea? An honest and true opinion? I know how to think?! Critically?! Well, what do you know? I guess I did learn something this semester afterall...

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 5

2008-11-10T23:35:00.000-08:00

Boy, do we love themes in student affairs. Last week I attended the regional NASPA conference, my first professional conference as a graduate student. The conference was in Tulsa, Oklahoma and the theme was “Weaving Our Way…Creating a Heritage in the Heartland.” I even went to an actual session on Cherokee basket weaving.

The trip got off to a bad start. I had stayed up late the night before watching the elections coverage and doing homework, and slept right through my alarm. Someone had to come to my room to wake me up. How embarrassing! I had four minutes to pack and no time to shower. Luckily, driving through the Midwest lulls you right to sleep. When I arrived at the hotel, my room was not ready and I looked through my bags to discover I had packed two black heels for my right foot and no black heels for my left foot. I also forgot to pack make-up which was becoming increasingly necessary as I could literally feel my face getting uglier from exhaustion and stress. By dinner time, I had a stress rash on my arm which was only stressing me out more. Needless to say, I was in a great mood to start networking.

Networking. It’s a word that’s used in student affairs about as much as icebreaker. And it makes me a little frustrated. While, I’m certainly a people person and I’m not shy, there’s a difference between getting to know people and attempting to shake hands with as many people as possible. Networking sometimes brings out the worst in us—insincerity, pretention, and of course, shameless self-promotion. Isn’t it more important to find good mentors and build close relationships to a few people than to have 50 people think you look “sort-of-familiar” at next year’s conference? I’ll reserve thrusting my right hand into an innocent person’s midsection for self-defense instead of self-promotion.

I realize I’m being more than a little whiny when my experience was actually quite good. Despite getting off to a bad start, forgetting a bunch of things, and having an interesting (and quite possibly crazy) server at a luncheon, I had a great time. I met some outstanding professionals, 30-minute mentors who told great stories including a story about a man who, as a young hall director, had been held up at gun-point by residents, and who asked challenging questions like “What risks have you taken lately?” Many of the sessions were enlightening and all of the speakers were excellent and inspiring.

But perhaps the best part of the conference, other than the heavenly Marriot beds, was the chance it gave to learn more about people from my own institution. After four years at a smaller school where I knew everyone, it’s still difficult to get used to a large school where I know no one. The whole dynamic of the department is much different and it takes a lot longer to get to know people here. I was lucky to have good conversations with other grads who I don’t know very well and professionals who I know even less. To me, those conversations were the most valuable.

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 4

2008-10-26T20:02:00.001-07:00

Have you seen those previews for the new TV show with Christian Slater? Christian Slater as good guy. Christian Slater as bad guy. It’s all very dramatic. These days I kinda feel like I’m two people, too. There’s me as a professional and me as a student and the two seem to be mutually exclusive.

Most days I really don’t feel like I’m a student. Sure, I sit in class for two-and-a-half hours Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights, but sitting in a classroom doesn’t make you any more studious than sitting in a church makes you religious. I feel like the majority of my time is spent on my assistantship with a little time left over for my personal life. Let me give you some examples…

Recently, I took a weekend off to visit my boyfriend on the east coast. My Thursday night class had been cancelled so I booked my flight for Thursday evening and put in extra office hours during the week. On Wednesday night, I went to class like normal but all I could think about was the stuff I needed to do before I left town. So, at break I decided to skip out on the rest of my class so I could do important things like paint my nails and coordinate outfits.

Professional/Personal Me: 1 Scholarly Me: 0

Last week, I went out of town again--this time, to visit my alma mater for Homecoming. I planned to attend my Thursday night class but a combination of a hectic week full of meetings that lasted well into the night and four consecutive days of gloomy, rainy weather took their toll and I skipped that class completely. I’m not sure that you’re supposed to skip school as a graduate student but sometimes you just need a break, right?

Professional/Personal Me: 2 Scholarly Me: 0

Then there are midterms. They’re the first big assignments we’ve had in my program so it’s probably important to put in a little extra effort. Which is why, of course, I got a start on my last paper the night before it was due. And which is also why I still haven’t started the even longer paper that is due this Thursday.

Professional/Personal Me: 3 Scholarly Me: 0

So anyway, at least I’m aware that I have a problem. Because I don’t think that one Christian Slater knows about the other one. I know that I’m not exactly the model student here (although I have managed to fit in some proof reading on the two papers I’ve written so far). I wish they could make some kind of energy drink that makes you academically energized. Or perhaps a vaccination for procrastination. Until then, I suppose I have to dig deep and find some intrinsic motivation.

Sigh. I’ll start tomorrow.

Takin' Care of Business #5

2008-10-26T17:34:00.000-07:00

Where do I stand? The question haunting me for the past week...

In all of my classes for Student Affairs we constantly talk about dualism. We speak about how students are usually looking for something definite, concrete, stable. People don't like change. This dualism concept seems to be a continual process. I find myself in that process right now. We spend so much time focusing and learning about the undergraduate student, we forget to think about the grad student. What about us? What happened to our needs?

Dualism serves practical people like me a great deal of comfort. Obviously, this all dependss on the context you look it over. Ha Ha. Context. One of our favorite words in Theory Class. Black and White. Right or Wrong. 5 pages versus 10 pages. For the one going through transition, gray is not an option, loopholes must cease to exist, and definitely typing up 5 pages is better than 10 any day.

I feel like I constantly struggle with this whole young professional by day, student by night thing. Just the other day, I faced this at my assistantship. My office was going to have a tent set up at my institution's Homecoming for tailgating. Though me and the other grad that works in my office were told to be at the tailgate at a certain hour, we were also told that we could go to the parade. Well, it so happens that our boss forgot about it, and we got in trouble for being late. We both received the lecture on the fact that we weren't just students anymore, but also staff members. Yadda, yadda, yadda...what else is new?

Time and time again, we've also gotten the lecture about how we shouldn't party with the undergraduate students. It sometimes gets complicated because I will befriend someone and not know that they're an undergrad. Or like the student workers at the office, who are such cool people (and 21 and over). It really does make me unhappy when I get invited to a party and have to say no because they're undergrads. I haven't really befriended alot of grad students, just the ones from my cohort.

Even with my financial problems at the moment, it's the same deal. Now that I'm a graduate student and I apply for financial aid, I have to fill out the paperwork and be classified as "Independent". And also...I can't get grants anymore! I can only get loans? How unfair is the world? Geez Louise, why can't I get grants? I'm still a student either way!

Even in my personal life, I can't get a right or wrong answer (the black and white). I like this guy who is a friend of mine. He keeps sending me mixed signals. One minute I'm his best friend, the other I'm his play thing. I don't like standing in the middle of this. What's a girl to do?

This is another phase of the learning process, right? I'm keeping my spirits up. I have to deal with being away from my friends and my family, and I think I've come far along with accepting that portion of my life right now. I just wish this transition period would just be over and done for. Dualism, you make my life miserable...where do I stand? Right in the middle...stuck like a slug on a tree.

Takin' Care of Business #4

2008-10-17T20:48:00.000-07:00

Yes, my life has been busy and the majority of it has been going well; However...this has been my roughest week since I began grad school.

This week I wanted to throw in the towel.

Last week, I was very excited about going back to my undergrad institution for it's big Homecoming game. The only thing wrong with it was that my grad school was the opponent team for this big game. How does one choose who to root for? Obvious answer: the undergrad. Had I dared to wear my grad school's colors, I would have gotten a beat down in the parking lot on my way to the football game.

The entire week I had spoken of nothing else but of "going home" to Iowa. I call this place my home because that's where I have been my happiest at. It's the one place where I truly belong to the community. It's the one place where I felt wanted. My "permamnent address" (my parents) is hundreds of miles away in Texas, but Iowa is a part of me as much as I'm a part of it. So even though I go to school now about 4 1/2 hours away, my heart lies in Iowa. And my entire drive to Iowa was an exciting one, as I anticipated the joy I'd get once I would see all of my friends.

Every hour on the hour, I was talking to someone. I would walk down the street and people would wave at me or shout out my name. Every ten minutes I'd shriek with delight; squeals of happiness would emerge from deep within me as I saw alumni from years ago come back to town. "Oh my God, where have you been?" and "I haven't seen you in forever" and "I've really missed you" and "See, now things feel normal again"...over and over. It was such a great feeling to walk around my old campus and be such a rockstar. Those comments from people just made me realize that I really did matter at school and that I did make an impact on people's lives. Whether it was big or small, I gave my contribution to the students and the university. "That's because you know half of the campus, girl!" one of my old room mates said as I explained about how many people I had talked to that weekend. No kidding! I DID KNOW half the campus. It is so great to be loved. I have never felt that appreciated before. I mean, even the custodians that worked in my residence hall last year, when I was an RA, were excited to have me back. If anything, this Homecoming was for me not for the football team.

The Homecoming game was great. I spent the majority of the football game trying to read for Monday night's class. 400 page book and 17,000 fans cheering. Not a whole lot of concentration was going on. I was getting strange looks from people as my best friend's dad told me to put my book away, to which I replied with "I'm a grad student! I have responsabilities". My undergrad beat my grad, so I was celebrating with everyone else. But after 2 days of feeling elated on being back, it all came to a stop when I had to return back to my grad school...a 4 1/2 hour drive that I was not looking foward to.

I cried for a while in my car. I also sang at the top of my lungs to stay awake on the road (I was extremely tired). I arrived to my apartment sad, sleepy, and so heartbroken. The next day was horrible. My facebook wall was filled with comments from people who were happy to have seen me during the weekend. I reflected back on the trip thinking "Is it really worth it to be here, when I feel this miserable and alone and unhappy?" I really wish I could have both worlds, the undergrad and grad school. But you can't have everything in this world. I thought about how it would feel if I went home to my parents, defeated. They would be so dissapointed in me. I have a BA, but I said I was going to get this MA, and for me to not finish, because I was scared? because I was gonna chicken out? because I simply just "miss my friends" (add the touch of sarcasm from my mom)? The first one to go to college, and I'm gonna blow this opportunity away? Really, what am I thinking about? Honestly, do I want to become part of that statistic of Hispanics that drop out from college? NO!!!! I worked too hard to get here, I suffered enough, and I need to pull myself together. How am I gonna be takin' care of business, if I can't even take care of myself? Just when things were starting to get better, I fell through a crack and I'm back where I started. Again.

This week, I have been in the worst of moods. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was angry at the world. I was depressed. I was tired. It is almost like my body has decided to go on strike against me. I haven't eaten much. I haven't slept much. I'm super stressed to get everything done for classes. I have financial issues for I can't pay my school bill, and thus I can't register for classes now. My mom has been sick and was taken to the hospital yesterday (but she is feeling better today). Everything seems to be falling on me, and I don't know how or why I get out of bed in the mornings. But I hope everything next week goes a bit smoother.

Takin' Care of Business #3

2008-10-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

Life is a big trip...and boy, was I in for the ride!

These past 3 weeks have been incredibly crazy. It's so weird to think it's mid-October now, when just a few weeks ago I was complaining about how this semester would never end. Alot has happened in the past 3 weeks.

My assistantship is driving me a bit nuts. Since this is my first "grown up" job, it's been very difficult for me to understand what is my place. I'm a student, but a young professional. In my "Theory of Higher Education" class we talk alot about dualism...how students want everything in black and white. Nobody ever cares for gray because it is one color of major confusion. I feel that right now I would prefer black or white. At my job, they expect me to do certain things, but are constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure that it gets done their way. Since I'm at a new institution, I'm constantly learning about how things operate. There are many times when I hear of favoritism for one student group over another. This makes me upset because all groups should have an equal chance for services offered by my office. I also get a bit upset at how nobody knows where my office is at. The Diversity Office is located in one corner of campus, separate from the major offices. Many don't know that our office is "that one house in the corner". It just goes to show how many people actually come visit us. But I like our little house. It's cozy and it gives the students (the 10 or so who actually come down to the office) a very home-like atmosphere. It's a place for them to come hang out, to talk, to relax, to study. It's so good when they come to visit. They all know me by name and always greet me with a hug. I dare even to say that friendships with these students are blooming. Since I'm also a student I feel entitled to hang out with them, but as a staff member it seems to be innapropriate. I really just don't know where I stand sometimes.

Classes have been a major pain! Papers, papers, papers! Every. single. week. How on Earth is someone supposed to relax when there is always another assignment to be turned in? This past week the students have been going through midterms...well, so have the grads. The Theory class gave us a take home test with 2 weeks to work on it (one of those weeks being our Homecoming). Well, since I've been busy with other stuff I left that take home to complete until the day before (like I usually do) and spent most of the night writing it. Though I have made my Time Management Plan since earlier this semester, I have not used the master plan I created. Honestly, I have no excuse to not study, but it seems like every other week something "unexpected" comes up and I have to go deal with it. It could be a special project for another class or maybe an assignment from work. Extra hours to do extra things. But the deal is: it just never ends. The madness continues...

As far as my social life, I LOVE the people in my program! So many different personalities and characters. One thing is for sure, these grads like to have fun. Every Wednesday, a couple of us go out somewhere to check out the nightlife in our town. We sit for a an hour or so and vent about the week over a slice of pizza. The cliques that had been forming at the beginning of the semester are now fading away to this big cohesive group :) It makes me so happy when I hear that everyone else is having the same doubts and fustrations as me. I don't feel alone anymore. I actually have friends now who I can talk to about my personal feelings on subjects or when I just need a pep talk to get me through the day.

It's all coming together and here I am, busy, again like when I was an undergrad. School, work, and building a social life...who would have thought?

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 3

2008-10-12T18:12:00.000-07:00

res·i·dence hall /ˈr[rez-i-duhns hol]

n. A place of warmth where people, generally students, live and share in a sense of comfort and community. A home away from home.

“I can’t wait to go home to my residence hall.”

dor·mi·to·ry [dor-mə-tor-ē]

n. A place where people sleep. Not unlike prison and similar to the cold, cruel boarding houses and orphanages of the Victorian era.

“All the girls in the dormitory have been whipped.”

It’s time for an introduction. A call-me-Ishmael moment. I’m 22. I graduated from a small state school in May and in July I started grad school at a large public university in the Midwest. I have an assistantship as a Hall Director for the largest residence hall on campus.

As an undergrad, I was an RA, a campus tour guide, a member of student government, and a reporter for the newspaper. In those four years I learned the difference between a residence hall and a dorm and the distinction between a provost and a president. And I loved every minute of it. Which is why I’ve decided to try and stay at college for as long as possible.

I probably should have introduced myself before launching into stories of my hectic new life. But I guess beginning in the middle is similar to my experience so far. There is really no training that can totally prepare you for a job in student affairs. I learn most lessons as I go.

So, here I am, using my experience as an RA, a student leader, a college student, and just a regular person, to deal with any number of random situations that arise. Like people throwing furniture from tenth-story windows. Or floors feuding. Students stuck in broken elevators. And helicopter parents calling to talk about their students.

As a child, I didn’t dream of becoming a student affairs professional. Who does? At different times I wanted to be an artist, a doctor, a lawyer, a journalist, an actress, and a teacher. Along the way, I’ve learned that you can’t really plan on anything. So while I would love to be a university dean or president, I’m still not counting out a career as a politician or dental hygienist. If my assistantship has taught me anything so far it’s to expect the unexpected.

Takin' Care of Business # 2

2008-09-25T14:43:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of my arrival to my graduate institution, I was completely miserable. I really wanted to go back to the town where my undergrad was located at; and even though that town is far far away from my family, it's MY home. I'm still far from my family's town, but I miss MY home. The first 4 weeks of being at the new university was quite awful. I cried all the time. I called people back at the undergrad just to talk. I always felt so lonely. The thing is...the last day I was at MY home, I didn't see "tomorrow" happening. I went into this moment of denial, and moving day was not happening in my head. And then "tomorrow" came and I moved, but it just wasn't clicking that I was going to be at the new place permanently. As that first week went by, I started to realize I was alone. It's really strange to move out of the dorms, to an apartment with strangers, to an apartment by yourself. I'm so used to having people walk by my door, knock on my door, and even bang my door (like my residents used to do when I was an RA). My grad apartment is small, old, and empty. I have no furniture whatsoever. Everything looked really sad to me because I was sad. Classes began and I was off to a rocky start, and if you read my previous post it was starting to get better just recently (barely getting there, but hey...it's happening, right?). It struck me one day after revising the "philosophy of ME" (again, story of my previous post) that I needed to change my attitude about being here at the new place. This entire first month of grad school I felt like a part of me had died when I left MY home. It was really hard to admit that to myself, let alone to other people. I've always been a happy-go-lucky type of girl. But how did I get to become such a Debbie Downer? In order to regain my sanity back and to start living again...I needed to give this place a chance, but most of all I needed to be patient. I have the opportunity of a lifetime to get an education--paid for, and I'm complaining? What is my problem?! And with that being said, I took each day at a time; one foot in front of the other thinking that "I CAN do this" because that's how I had to be takin' care of business (sorry, I had to plug my title in somewhere).

Last week my world began to shift...

On Monday, I had to give a presentation on a project I made. The assignment was to photograph a location or territory of my campus and demonstrate how that space affects students and their development through the photos. My project was on a residence hall, and though we had a minimum requirement of 12 photos, I think I put like 30 pictures on my tri-fold. As my classmates approached my project, I would give my little speech about it. My professor happens to walk by during one of my speeches and listens in. She looked at my project and asked me 2 questions, and said "You've really captured it..." and she walked away. It was the best feeling ever! I finally did something right in class. I was quite excited, and that set the mood of the rest of the week for me. On Wednesdays, I have a Theory class, and it is really hard. When I came out of class one night, 2 other girls and I were talking about our struggles in class and we found ourselves in the same boat. As we continued to talk for the next 3 hours, we found out alot of things in common with each other. One of them expressed how she doesn't really have other girls to talk to (like the way she was talking to us). Since then, we hang out after class for a bit and talk. This is really exciting for me because I'm finally starting to make friends (a month later, but finally!).

This past weekend, my assistantship office took some students on a retreat to discuss diversity. I was looking foward to going, but little did I know that it would complete my awesome week. At my assistantship I don't get an opportunity to interact much with different students. At the retreat, I got to talk to international students, grad students, and undergrad students. I got to talk about my experiences with diversity, and I also got to answer questions that some students had about my ethnicity and where did I grow up at. I also got to contribute parts of my culture such as music and dance during our free times throughout the weekend. Everyone had a fun time. Yesterday as I was walking to class, I saw students that I recognized from the retreat, as well as students who work at my assistantship office and those who always come to visit the office. I found myself waving hello to people across campus and many of the Latino, African American, International, and Caucasian students were flagging me down to give me a hug. It's been about a month since I last hugged someone...now my new friends and students are offering hugs to me and it's something I really needed.

And so...I'm starting to be recognized on campus by my students. I feel like it's all starting to connect (the campus and me), like everything is falling into place the way it should be, and that I'm returning to my happy-go-lucky self again. All harmony has been restored in my universe and the world is as it should be :) ...Well, at least for this week...

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory - 2

2008-09-22T19:57:00.000-07:00

Ok so I’m kind of freaking out.

I got an email a few weeks ago about the federal loans I took out as an undergrad. I briefly looked at it and decided to deal with it later. Well, later snuck up on me and I thought I’d take some time this Sunday afternoon to get a few personal things sorted out, including this loan thing.

It turns out I owe the government enough money to buy a fairly decent new car. This equates to payments of $200 a month for the next 10 years.

10 years.

I will be 32 in ten years.

There is a very distinct yucky feeling in my stomach. I wasn’t even in high school ten years ago. Where will I be ten years from now?

It feels like a very big responsibility to have an additional $200 payment to make every month for the next one-hundred-and-twenty months. This must be what it feels like to buy a new car. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to buy a house.

And $200 is a lot of money. I know it might not seem like it to some people, but $200 is a fourth of what I make every month. And I liked in better when I could spend that money on things like shoes. Two-hundred dollars a month is about $6.67 a day. That money could buy one meal every day. I guess it’s a good thing I skip breakfast because from now on I won’t be able to afford it.

I always tell people that financial difficulties should not be a reason for not attending college. While it is important to invest in your education, I’m starting to realize that money matters a lot more than I thought.

When I first applied to schools, I only applied to a large, public school in my state. I had great ACT scores and a perfect GPA. I ended up deciding that large school was too expensive and attending a smaller, regional school. Unfortunately, I applied too late to receive any scholarships and had to rely on financial aid. Now, I’m upset at myself for not applying to more schools and trying to get more scholarships.

Still, my loan is only a fraction of what some students pay. The university I worked at this summer cost about $40,000 to attend each year. That’s $160,000 dollars for a bachelor’s degree. And I know someone who is going to a prestigious medical school that will end up costing about $360,000. Payments on a loan like that would be $3,000 a month for ten years. And that doesn’t even include interest payments.

I have the option to defer payments until I’m out of grad school, but I don’t think I will. While it would be nice to wait until I have a larger salary, 34 sounds a whole lot older than 32 and I don’t want to be in debt any longer than I have to.

I wish there was a deferment option on this whole growing up thing. I’d like to wait just five more years until I have to be on my own, please.

It's a residence hall NOT a dormitory

2008-09-19T16:00:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: I have a very eclectic taste in music that includes classic rock, punk rock, even the occasional Britney Spears song. But mostly, I love hip hop. My current favorite is that David Banner “Have you ever seen a Chevy with the butterfly doors?” song and my ring tone is usually Chris Brown (because who doesn’t like to dance every time someone calls?). But I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I’m a closet country music fan. None of that honky tonk stuff. Just the newer stuff of the Carrie Underwood-Keith Urban-Taylor Swift persuasion. Please don’t tell anyone.

Have you ever felt like a song was written for you? Well I’m pretty sure most of Carrie Underwood’s songs were written for me. Seriously. I remember listening to Carrie (yes, we’re on a first name basis) when I was moving to a new apartment at a new school in August. And in August, I was certain “The Night Before (Life Goes On)” was about my life.

Tomorrow she'll be rolling down I-10
Baton Rouge, LSU
18 years in her rearview
He's got a Friday paycheck lined up down the block
At daddy's shop
It ain't much but it’s a job
They've been dreading this moment all summer long
The night before
Life goes on.

Yes, it was pretty much EXACTLY my situation. Except I wasn’t headed to Louisiana. And my boyfriend was moving to China, not staying at home and working for his father. And, of course, I’m 22. Still, I listened to Track 5 and I cried the whole way.

But as Carrie promised, life goes on and pretty soon I was dancing to a new beat. Specifically, “Starts with Goodbye”:

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

The beginning of graduate school really did start with saying goodbye to all of my friends and my small, regional university. I had to let go of a lot of things that I loved as an undergrad and at first it did break me down. It was incredibly difficult to transition from knowing everyone to knowing no one. I didn’t make strong connections to any of the other new grads right away and worst of all I didn’t feel like myself. I’m usually outgoing, gregarious, and fun but throughout training I was very reserved. I felt unsure about supervising a group of undergraduates who knew more about the school than I did and I worried about being in a building that is larger than a lot of towns in this state.

It’s been about a month and things are starting to change. I went back to my undergrad school last weekend and saw a bunch of friends. It was nice but at the same time it wasn’t quite the same. It was kind of like the first time you hang out with your high school friends after being away at college. You change. They change. And eventually you realize that it’s ok. Because like Carrie says, sometimes we have to say goodbye to people and things we love to move on with our lives.

It feels good to be back here after a weekend away. My tiny apartment in my gigantic building is starting to feel like home. There will be bad days but I’m thankful to be working toward a master’s degree in a field I love. I’m learning to be myself in this new place and trying to make the most of this experience. There’s even a Carrie song for that. “So Small” reminds me not to get caught up in the little things and to make the most of my experience here, which shouldn’t be hard considering housing is a 24-hour job most days. Here’s a little more Carrie wisdom:

It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river that’s so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back

I know. I know. It’s a lot of Carrie Underwood. But seriously, you should listen to her albums. There’s even a song about some of our undergrads. It’s called “Wasted.” There’s probably a song about you, too.

All the connections I’ve been making between music and life makes me wonder if I’m going into the right career. Maybe I should be pursuing Music Therapy instead of working with college students. Or maybe I could do both. I could use music for judicial hearings, sort of like penance. Noise complaint? Listen to this 10 times. Roommate conflict? Check these out. And when everyone starts modeling my cutting edge Music Judicial Model I’ll say it’s all thanks to Carrie.

"Takin' Care of Business"...

2008-09-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

Before I start writing about my experiences for the whole world to see, I just wanted to introduce myself properly and give all of you reading this a bit of background on what I've been up to.

First of all, I'm currently starting my first year of graduate school as I prepare to obtain my Master's Degree in College Student Personnel Administration. I barely finished my Bachelor's Degree about a month ago; I was working on a 9 credit hour internship this summer that started the week after school was over and continued until my last day in the state (400 hours of free labor). I had no vacation whatsoever this year. I worked until 6:30 p.m. of July 30th, went home to pack all of my belongings, and the next day I moved to the next bordering state, and the day after I started my graduate assistantship training. I know, I know...BUSY! But sometimes you need to be takin' care of business...

I got an amazing assistantship at my graduate institution working with cultural programming and helping students of underrepresented groups. However, the entire experience of starting grad school hasn't been all peaches and cream. I like to contribute this due to my feelings of nostalgia towards my undergraduate institution. I miss it so much because I was very happy with my life there (an occurence that has never really happened to me before).

It has been no secret that I have been going through a difficult transition. Graduate school has not been easy in these initial weeks. I have spoken to several friends who are going through their first weeks of graduate classes at different campuses across the United States. Everyone has been feeling the same way I have. The second week of school I was asked to write about my Philosophy on Higher Education. Week #2 and we're already writing papers? And not just any paper, but my philosophy statement? I was so distraught on writing this paper. I typed for hours about things I thought students needed. I tried to base these on situations I encountered and issues I saw my peers face. But as much as I wrote, nothing made sense. I could not articulate one intelligent thought or make it a concrete one. I suddenly found myself lost, and decided to call up the one person who I knew could give me an answer: my academic advisor at my undergrad.

My undergrad academic advisor has been my rock throughout this entire process of me becoming an adult. When she answered the phone very excited because she hadn't heard from me in a while. I told her "You didn't tell me that I needed to have an opinion when I got into grad school". As I explained my writer's block woes to her, I went to explain how tough my first two weeks had gone. I sit in class very confused the majority of the time. I listen intently to what my classmates have to say. I feel incompetent sitting next to them because I can't think of anything clever, or smart, or brilliant to say. I barely learned about the field of Student Affairs just last summer (a year ago) as I went through Resident Assistant training. I didn't think I would need to have an opinion formed on it already. I thought I was going to grad school to learn more about the field, and then develop my ideas and mold that opinion. She asked me about the things I believed in. She prompted me on several topics that she knew were important to me like diversity, getting involved, and the fact that I love school and I think everyone should experience it. She asked "Well, aren't those things that you believe in?", and I said "Yeah, sure, of course. I'm very passionate about diversity, and student groups, and just college in general". And she says "There you go. That's a philosophy". And I said, "Really?" She explained to me that philosophies are ideals that you believe in, that it's your opinion.

Needless to say, I finished that paper on the nick of time. I even got a chance to revise, too! I told my undergrad academic advisor about my fears of grad school, that since I've started, I feel like I'm not cut out for this anymore. I asked her "Why did I decide to do this? Just last Fall we were sitting in your office talking about making that next step. Why did I take it?" And she told me "Do you think I would have encouraged you to go to grad school if I didn't think that you could do it?" I said "I don't know anymore! I can't do this; Maybe you were wrong about me". She then told me, "You can do this. You've gotten this far, ok? You got the BA under your belt. This is just another step. You CAN do this". And so, I've been pondering on that phone call for the past several days, and the one thing I realized is that not only did I need to revise my philosophy on higher education, but I needed to revise the philosophy of myself. I need to believe in ME...